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I pressured him to sleep with me & now I've ruined everything. Watch

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    #1

    Please keep anon or delete

    However, there were numerous times when one thing led to another... I am a virign and he's a few years older and has slept with other girls and whenever it got to.... doing it.... he'd stop getting hard. This happened at least 6+ times....

    We both love eachother very much it's started to affect the relationship. We both feel really bad and whenever we try and talk about it...we fight because we blame ourselves and I start crying.... We still want to be together but I can't help feeling this big ache in my heart that I'm not good enough for him and that I pressured him to sleep with me because I was a virgin....

    I just wanted the perfect weekend and now i've ruined the best relationship I've had. Is there anyway I can salvage something?
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    ** PS -- I was having a weekend away with my boyfriend. (I forgot to add that at the beginning)
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    Has he had erection problems in the past with other girls?
    Had he been drinking?
    Maybe he was just nervous? He might have felt extra pressure to perform knowing that it was your first time :dontknow:

    I think you just have to reassure him that you it's okay, that you still want him etc and make sure it's what he wants to. Just because he's had sex before doesn't mean he wants sex now, so check that he's ready for it too

    And don't blame yourself. I hope things sort themselves out :yy:
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    OK, I think you both just need to chill out...instead of putting pressure on yourselves for the sex part, try foreplay instead just to get yourselves both really turned on (better for both parties - he'll keep hard and you'll be well lubricated down there, otherwise it really hurts!). You don't even need to have sex yet, just concentrate on making each other feel good, getting comfortable with each other and each others' bodies on that level of intimacy. I don't think you're both completely on that comfortable level yet, which is probably why he's going soft - nerves (because you're a virgin too) and pressure.

    And then once you both feel completely ready, go for it. If he still goes soft it might be a medical concern or something...
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    He's probably thinking that he was the one who messed up- I doubt he's blaming you at all. You've really got to reassure him that you still love him/want to be with him. When the time is right it'll will be... right! Obviously I don't own a penis of my own but I'm pretty sure that this is more a case of relaxation and being completely confident/comfortable with eachother.
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    few years older? is he in his late fourties? that would explain alot...
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    (Original post by ellingham)
    few years older? is he in his late fourties? that would explain alot...
    No he's 21 and I'm 17
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No he's 21 and I'm 17
    21 and he cant get a hard on? damn i pack wood.
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    Ask him to consult a doctor , even then it does not get hard , time to move over.
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    As others have said, you need to take the pressure off sex. Completely. Ignore it, don't plan it, and just do what you feel comes naturally. He's going to be nervous, not because you've "pressured him to sleep with you" but because he wants your first time to be good, and worries that he wont be able to give you that. You rushing things will just make it all worse, take it slow and talk to him about it. Talk. Without talking you will never be able to have a fulfilling relationship, let alone be intimate enough to have sex, so be mature and talk to each other about your feelings.
    • #2
    #2

    My BF had this problem as well but it worked out. He was just stressed that he wanted me to enjoy it so much. It was worth the wait when it did happen!!!! Good luck xxx
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My BF had this problem as well but it worked out. He was just stressed that he wanted me to enjoy it so much. It was worth the wait when it did happen!!!! Good luck xxx
    Yeah but how long did it take for you 2 to get over it? I mean... we are both in really bad shape over it... I love him so much
    • #3
    #3

    Hey, this happened with my ex boyfriend too. It was his first time though and he was nervous beyond belief. It took a couple of times and awkwardness etc. but just reassure him that it's nothing to worry about, that you still love him etc. Don't go on about it, but you have to understand it is quite demoralising for a guy for that to happen and that the pressure of the last time piles up and would make him more nervous. Normally I wouldn't suggest this as a solution but maybe try doing it after A LITTLE BIT of alcohol. This will help him relax and make him less nervous for the first time.

    Also, don't blame yourself and make sure he doesn't blame himself. It's just something that happens and is quite awkward but it's no one's fault!
    • #4
    #4

    i used to have then same problem asyour BF, but i got over it fine, dw op

    it's probably a confidence issue, he might feel pressured into having to perform really well, since you've put pressure on him, and this can make a guy nervous, and essentially, not get hard.

    what worked for me was just kissing and stroking my GF, whilst me recieving nothing down below, i managed to keep hard all through it, and it really helped my confidence. next time we were alone, we finally managed to have sex.

    so dont put pressure on him, and be patient, and it'll work out
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah but how long did it take for you 2 to get over it? I mean... we are both in really bad shape over it... I love him so much
    Not that long. It happens more often than people think!!! Most people won't admit it though :p: You have to reassure him that you love him and that it's not the end of the world. Were you nervous for your first time?? xxx
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Not that long. It happens more often than people think!!! Most people won't admit it though :p: You have to reassure him that you love him and that it's not the end of the world. Were you nervous for your first time?? xxx
    It was my 1st time. I wasn't nervous at all -- I was really comfortable with him. It was him that was nervous. He said that it was the 1st time he had "made love" with someone and that's why he couldn't.... perform....
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It was my 1st time. I wasn't nervous at all -- I was really comfortable with him. It was him that was nervous. He said that it was the 1st time he had "made love" with someone and that's why he couldn't.... perform....
    That's sweet!!! Sometimes sex can be a lot more meaningful with the right person. Just take it slow in the bedroom, build up his confidence again and see what happens xxx
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    The main problem was the blood did not enter into the penis zone.
 
 
 
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