Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Please keep anon as friends read this! I've always been kinda paranoid about my boyfriend liking one of my best friends, and this weekend in an argument he basically told me that if he wasn't with me then he'd be chasing after her. Now I know he loves me and wants to stay with me etc. but what would you do in this situation? I'm not sure if I can still be with him now I know that all the time he's looking at her in that way, and I'm insecure enough as it is! Is this just something I should forget about and get over, or would you end it in my position?
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Sounds a bit harsh to me.
    If he'd be chasing after her, is it worth it really?
    If I'm with someone, I'd want to be the only person they'd want to be with
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Dump him, if he loved you he wouldn't say something so hurtful, i know theres an excuse of saying things in 'the heat of the moment' but that is an awful thing to say and he must of known telling you that he would go after your best friend would crush your self-esteem.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    But being with you means he likes you more, obviously, right?
    He's always going to find other people attractive/fit whatever, but providing you are the one he wants then does it matter?
    He probably shouldn't have told you!! But I would probably only finish with him if he started making it obvious that he was interested in her despite being with me.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Jesus, what a horrible thing to say

    If I were you I'd probably end it, I don't know. I see that as the sort of situation that might break down your relationship with your friend as well as your boyfriend, purely because you'll probably get more jealous and upset about any contact they have with each other, and you might resent her as well - or at least I would :/ if you were mega secure and able to ignore a comment like that then it'd be okay, but if you say you're insecure as it is its probably not a very healthy relationship to be in.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    edited:
    I still say it was a hurtful comment, but as cowsgoquack said he was probably just trying to hurt you to make you upset - perhaps you said something to him to make him hurt too :dontknow: so he just wanted to spite you. He's with you and not this girl for a reason, just talk to him about what he said and he'll clear things up for you - we can't speak for him.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Who in the right state of mind would think that you'd actually want to know that? His eyes are straying, sounds like something a lil' more than just finding someone attractive. I think you could do better without tbh, especially if your'e insecure.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Yeah see I can accept that he finds other people attractive obviously. And we've been together a few years so I wouldn't want to throw it away over a little crush, but I can see me screwing it up with my jealousy over this! He does always say I'm the only one for him, wants to be with me forever, so it shouldn't bother me, as I know he won't leave me for her, but for the past few years he's always told me he doesn't like her, and now I know he does! Plus if I do break up with him then it'll hurt to see them together all the time
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Thats an awful thing to say...but i don't think that you should break up with him for it....at the end of the day he is choosing to be with you which means you are more important to him then her...
    Offline

    10
    If feeling a bit vengeful, get your best friend to lead him on and them humiliate him somehow, after dumping him :awesome:
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by the.white.rabbit)
    Thats an awful thing to say...but i don't think that you should break up with him for it....at the end of the day he is choosing to be with you which means you are more important to him then her...
    While that is true, he's pretty much just said she is a second option for him if **** hits the fan - a little more than just an attraction -. There shouldn't be any options in the first place.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Melting Sugar.)
    That's awful. I'd say dump him, your relationship isn't really a proper one if he'd rather be with someone else and spends his time looking at her. :/
    :console:
    He didn't say he'd rather be with somone else though?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    dump him before he dumps u!
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    i know for a fact that my boyfriend fancies my best friend. he teases me about it, suggests threesomes, they always flirt and he actually called me her name the other day... it's all in good humour though.. and i know she'd never do anything with him.. i trust him when he says it's me he wants

    he's with you after all! (sounds cliche, but it's true) tell him that you need reassurance though, and he needs to understand that what he said hurt you.. and would your friend do anything with him anyway?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    get rid of him if he wants to chase her
    • #2
    #2

    If he met you first, and got to know this girl through hanging out with your friends, it's wrong for him to like her like that, as he's basically only with you because you got there first.

    If he knew both of you vaguely, but ended up with you because he failed in getting close to her, dump him now, because he's a terrible person.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    There's one of two ways you could look at this.

    1) Keeping in mind that he told you this in the middle of an argument, your boyfriend is going to fancy other people plus he knew that making that comment was going to upset you - perhaps that's why he did it. If your friend was so bloody desirable then he wouldn't be with you would he? It could just be your insecurity fueling the nasty comment and making it worse than it is; believing it more than you need to. Therefore perhaps forgetting about it is the correct option.

    2) On the other hand; You're boyfriend fancies you're friend, and in a way told you if things end between you, he'll be after her instead. That isn't really the stable, loving relationship a young woman needs. Especially not when she's insecure. At your age your relationship should be about you two, besotted with each other or what's the point? Perhaps you should break it up with him because you want something better.

    Personally I'd choose the second option, but you know what would be best for you. Good luck.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Lefty Leo)
    If feeling a bit vengeful, get your best friend to lead him on and them humiliate him somehow, after dumping him :awesome:
    I like it :cool:

    I knoow, I keep telling myself he's choosing to be with me etc., but I still feel insecure! Shes typically prettier, smarter, funnier than me and so next to her I just feel completely worthless. I know my boyfriend would choose me but I just don't see why, and even when he says I'm perfect I still can't help feeling insecure. Gahh who needs relationships! :p:
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Wait did he mean if he had the choice between the two of you he would chose her? (if so well out of order) The way you said it makes it sound that he meant if he was single and he met her he would go after her. What's wrong with that?
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Dump him and let him be happy with his friend.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: August 12, 2009
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Have you ever participated in a Secret Santa?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.