The crazy world of halls
Moving into halls is one of the most exciting parts of the whole uni experience; a lot of memories will be made in your little dorm room.
So whether it’s new eating habits, questionable sleep patterns or living with hundreds of other students, here’s a glimpse at what you can expect when you move into uni halls…
1. Stepping over a sleeping Smurf when you leave for your 9am lecture
It’s usually a medic. Or a lawyer. Have fun trying to scrub blue paint off the carpet for the rest of the year.
2. There’s always a stranger at your kitchen table… and nobody seems to mind
You shuffle into the kitchen in your sunglasses to make yourself a coffee, and there’s someone flicking through Tinder at the table. “Hey, I’m Tom, I’m Greg’s mate from home”, says the stranger. You nod blearily, before realising you don’t know a Greg either.
3. Every ‘quiet gathering’ becomes a raging all-night party
“Just a quiet one, yeah? We’ll just share a bottle of wine and watch something on Netflix, yeah? Of course you can invite your flatmate! And her boyfriend!”… OK, so it’s 1am and you’re passed out under the table. Netflix has been asking if you’re still there for four hours. Oops.
4. There’s always a stranger on your corridor. Are you SURE anyone lives in room 3?
In all student halls, there’s the resident ghost. Once you saw the door shutting, but when you knocked you heard them slide the latch across. Their shelf in the fridge is empty. Their shampoo remains untouched in the bathroom. Who the hell do you live with? Is this the mysterious Greg?
5. You’ll become well acquainted with a certain housemate’s handwriting through their passive-aggressive post-it notes
“I did the washing up AGAIN. Can we PLEASE try to do OUR OWN from now on?” The number of capitals in Kate’s notes has been increasing throughout the year, and she’s switched from biros to Sharpies to really make a point.
6. Your recycling boxes are 99% glass bottles, 1% unread free newspapers from the bus
You will also end up playing Recycling Box Buckaroo, where everyone tries to balance just one more empty bottle of Corona on top of the mountain of glass. It’s alright, just use those old copies of the Metro as a buffer.
7. Your frying pan will ALWAYS be at the bottom of the precarious pile in the sink
Why is your stuff always at the bottom of the festering pile of plates, woks and graters? Do you wrestle yours out AND do everyone else’s washing up, or just borrow Priyanka’s nice new pan just this once? She’ll never know…
8. Every time you check your phone you’ll have 412 new messages from your corridor’s WhatsApp group
You check your phone after a lecture and spend an hour scrolling through all the lukewarm ‘bantz’ from the ‘ROB’S MUM APPRECIATION SOCIETY’ WhatsApp group. To save you some time, most of these messages will just be a string of crying laughing faces.
9. Living in constant fear of being THAT PERSON who sets the fire alarm off at 3am
Ah, a nice post-night out crumpet. That’s what you need. Except – OH GOD it’s on fire, and you can’t fan the smoke away fast enough, and – yep, now you’re the person responsible for everyone standing in the street in their pyjamas in the middle of the night. Congratulations.
10. Someone’s door is nominated as a shrine to takeaway menus
It all starts with a blob of Blu Tack and a Mamma Mia’s pizza menu. Fast forward three months, and that collage of curries, noodles and kebabs is almost certainly a fire hazard… but you know exactly where to look when you can’t be bothered to cook.
11. The kitchen becomes a resting ground for traffic cones
Nobody remembers how they got there, but until you need hiking boots and crampons to reach the fridge, nobody’s going to worry too much about getting rid of them either.
12. You will only receive two pieces of post in the entire year
One will be a birthday card from your grandma, and the other will be a fine when someone discovers the blue Smurfy carpet.
13. You set an alarm for 4am to make sure you get to use the washing machine
You’ve put off doing your washing for as long as possible, so you make the classic rookie error of trying to do your dark wash at 7pm on a Tuesday. Nice try! Get used to setting your alarm for some ungodly hours if you ever want clean clothes again
14. The dash from the showers to your room when you forget your towel
This takes some real military-level planning. Lily’s lecture finished five minutes ago, so she should be back any time now. Grab the hand towel, cover what you can and run like you’ve never run before.
15. Learning more about your new friends than you ever wanted to when you discover that the walls are PAPER. THIN.
So now you know Oscar’s weird pet name for his girlfriend, or that Will is way too into Enya, or that Ben grunts all the way through his squats. You’ll never see them in the same way again.
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