It’s nearly the end of sixth form and the reality of fresher’s week is fast approaching. This is a super exciting time, but there’s only one thing that’s troubling you… what are you and your boyfriend/girlfriend going to do?
You’re madly in love, but your dream universities are 6 hours apart. The thought of going long distance doesn’t appeal, so you decide to compromise on a third university which you’re confident you can both get in to. Sure, it might not be either of yours perfect uni but it’s worth it for love. Relationships are all about compromise, right?
It’s true that meeting your partner halfway is important, but university is a big life decision and a commitment in itself. Making sure that both people have the opportunities to live their dreams and grow as individuals is equally important for nurturing healthy, loving relationships. Compromising on big life decisions when there’s a nagging doubt at the back of either person’s mind is a sure fire way to build resentment and unhappiness.
So before you jump into the commitment, here’s the one question you need to ask yourself before making the decision:
Will you have regrets about your compromise uni if it doesn’t last?
Your answer to this question reveals how you truly feel about the situation, so be honest with yourself. “My concern really is that if I go to the university near my girlfriend and then things don't work out I'll have missed the chance to go to my favourite university,” says anonymous#2. “What if the regret of not choosing my preferred uni causes me to resent my girlfriend?” agrees anonymous#1.
You’re probably fed up of hearing older folks tell you that you’re young and your relationship won’t last, but it’s a possibility you need to consider. Your decision to compromise on university might feel right so long as your relationship works out, but what happens if it doesn't?
University is a period of big transformation in most people’s lives. You’ll get into new things, you’ll discover what’s really important to you and you’ll make lots of new friends with people from different places and backgrounds. You and your partner might discover that actually you both have completely different core values and interests, and decide to go your separate ways. “I went to the uni with a boyfriend. We ended up changing a lot (we’d been together 2 years by that point) and broke up at Christmas time in first year,” says ponpon14.
“My ex changed a lot when we started university- he used to be shy, and quite sensitive around girls now suddenly he is confident and cocky,” says katiemcatackney.
If you’re thinking going to university is a guarantee that your relationship will last, think again: “even though we had gone to the same uni and were on the same course it still didn't work out,” says Future African game vet.
Ask yourself if you’ll have regrets choosing the compromise university if you two end up breaking up. If the answer is no, then go for it – no one can predict the future and if your relationship makes you happy then why not take a chance on love?
But if there’s even a smidgen of doubt in your mind, don’t do it: if you two are really meant to be, then a long distance relationship while you both go to your favourite universities will mean that you’re both happy and your relationship will get stronger.
|Help! I've firmed our uni but I've changed my mind. You might feel like you’re in a bit of a pickle but it will be okay. Once you’ve decided to change your mind, here’s what you need to do:
1) Speak to your partner: You’ll need to have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend or girlfriend about how you feel. This might seem intimidating, but you’ll both be much happier once everything is out in the open.
2) Focus on your exams: Whatever you do, don’t let the worry affect your exams. You don’t need to do anything else for the time being, so concentrate on getting your grades.
3) Once exams are over, change your choices:This is where things get a little complicated but all is not lost. Luckily, the TSR community has put together full instructions for changing your mind here.
|More on TSR:
Changing your mind about your uni choice
How to cope with a long distance relationship at uni
Relationship advice forum
Have you gone to uni for love? What was your experience?