| This is a real personal statement written by a student for their university application. It might help you decide what to include in your own. There are lots more examples in our collection of sample personal statements. |
Ralph Waldo Emerson said “Language is the archives of history”, an idea intrinsically linked to Classics. By examining language systematically to unravel its intricacies, by detailed literary analysis, and studying histories, I hope to understand the Greek and Roman mind.
Studying the classical languages has improved my grasp of modern ones. In ‘Empires of the Word’ I found Ostler’s discussion of the spread of the linguistic empires and their respective societies exciting. His ideas on why languages spread were fascinating, giving an insight into the decline of Greek and Latin. Deutscher’s ‘The Unfolding of Language’ was engaging as it described the natural development of language. The evolution of words and languages parallel to society intrigues me and the opportunities for philological and etymological exploration in studying Latin and Greek are amazing. Classics appeals to me as I can study linguistic structure and simultaneously understand the societies through their literature, history and philosophy.
Classical literature gives a peep-hole into the Greek and Roman mind as it creates a perfectly preserved microcosm, whilst dealing with timeless human dilemmas. Over the past few years, I have really enjoyed examining the heroic ideal, especially in the context of epic poetry. I found Griffin’s ‘Homer; on Life and Death’ enlightening, as it led me to examine many of the characters from a new perspective. Griffin presented Achilles in a favourable light, causing me to see past his arrogance and physicality to his principles and tragic fate with much more sympathy. The moral dilemmas presented by the Greek tragedians are thought-provoking. Euripides’ exploration of the themes of silence and oaths, and Phaedra’s plight in ‘Hippolytus’ moved me deeply. They also offer and insight to the issues Greece faced at the time and how its society worked.
Studying Chemistry and Mathematics honed my logic and ability to assimilate and apply new concepts to various situations. They also made me appreciate the work done by Archimedes, Pythagoras and other ancient scientific minds.
Over the LVI year, I started tutoring Classics and Maths. This is a symbiotic process. Teaching Latin and Greek helped me understand their structure better, and also taught me about the challenges of teaching. It is deeply rewarding.
I have a variety of non-academic interests. I love debating, and have improved over the past few years. It made me more analytical and increased my clarity of thought and expression. I am school Judo captain and a keen squash and tennis player. This combined with my role as school Librarian, chairman of the Classics society and Junior House prefect has improved my time management and efficiency. Being Junior House prefect has honed my communication and leadership skills. Such diverse responsibilities have given me confidence to push myself further in all that I do. I also represent my school quiz team. I participated in the Young Enterprise, developing my team-work skills considerably. I have done my Bronze Duke of Edinburgh award, and am working towards Gold. I hope this show that my ability to juggle numerous commitments with dedication.
I am lucky to be brought up in two distinct cultures. This broadened my horizons and increased the opportunities I had. I am bilingual in Hindi and English, and am learning Sanskrit in the holidays. I love it, and find the similarities between Sanskrit and Latin and Greek fascinating.
I have been learning Mandarin for two years. It is very satisfying, yet challenging. It has given me a new perspective on language due to its idiosyncratic pictographic nature.
I agree with Tolkien’s statement; “no language is justly studied merely as an aid to other purposes. It will in fact better serve other purposes, philological or historical, when it is studied for love, for itself”. This is my motivation to study classics; that I may experience the beauty of the languages and also understand their speakers.
Universities applied to:
- Oxford
- UCL
- Edinburgh
- St Andrews
Comments
General Comments:
For a first attempt at a personal statement, this is a good start. The flow of the statement is very good and there are slick transitions from paragraph to paragraph making it flow quite nicely. Beyond this, there are some problems which need to be addressed. The first is the balance problem. Around 2/3 to 3/4 of a personal statement should be related to the subject and the balance doesn't quite work here. It has impacted on the quality of the statement as many ideas are squashed into one paragraph when they could be expanded upon. Selecting just a few extra-curricular activities would give space for classical ideas to be expanded upon. There seems to be a real desire from the applicant to impress and this actually comes out very obviously. This need to impress the admissions tutor is not really what a statement should be about. In places the applicant seems to try to fit every little thing in to try to show how great they are, but it doesn't really add anything to the statement as a whole.
It is clear that this applicant has been taught Latin and Greek and it is important to note that some people do apply without either of these subjects and that is also fine. I would expect the applicant to have read a little more widely when it comes to ancient sources. Hippolytus is mentioned by the applicant, but modern analysis is promoted at the expense of the actual sources and this does a disservice to the statement. The use of Griffin's work is good, but there is no comparison to the original work by Homer and so I would argue that without looking at the original text, or mentioning it here, any argument put forward can appear baseless.
As an Oxford applicant, the statement seems a little too 'safe'. Modern sources are accepted as canonical and each mention reads as a mini blurb and not as the basis for a debate. That is not to say that one should oppose everything, but I think that one should look to justify why they feel the way they do about a particular source.
It's not a bad statement and there are good aspects, but this can be improved. Also, the applicant should look to make many smaller sentences into larger sentences. At times, the continual stream of small sentences disrupts the pace of the statement. Also note that the use of long words is not per se, but it should not be done for the sake of adding long words in and sounding impressive.
Comments on the statement:
Ralph Waldo Emerson said “Language is the archives of history”, an idea intrinsically linked to Classics. (I would avoid starting any statement with a quote. Already the applicant is using someone else's words and not their own and this can put a barrier between the applicant and the admissions tutor. It can also appear a little pretentious). By examining language systematically to unravel its intricacies, by detailed literary analysis, and by studying history, I hope to understand the Greek and Roman mind. (This is a very vague and very ambitious idea. There are good ideas, but I would look instead to re-work a lot of this. For example, instead of using a quote, the applicant could say: 'The languages of the classical era have preserved the history and society of the world in which they come from'. This would then allow the applicant to use their own words and also to link the comments about the classical mind to the opening sentence. This isn't a bad paragraph, but it's very vague and quite meaningless at the moment.)
Studying the classical languages has improved my grasp of modern ones.(This is fine to mention this, but the applicant then doesn't go on to back it up or expand on it so it's a fairly unnecessary statement) In ‘Empires of the Word’ I found Ostler’s discussion of the spread of the linguistic empires and their respective societies exciting.(Exciting is a very clichéd word.)His ideas on why languages spread were fascinating, giving an insight into the decline of Greek and Latin. (Once again the word fascinated is very clichéd. There's no real discussion here of the book or what was written. While a specific idea is plucked out of the book, it isn't discussed. The applicant could say whether they agree with the reasons concerning the decline of Latin and Greek) Deutscher’s ‘The Unfolding of Language’ was engaging as it described the natural development of language. The evolution of words and languages parallel to society intrigues me and the opportunities for philological and etymological exploration in studying Latin and Greek are amazing.(Once again, this section is actually quite empty of personal content. The words 'intrigue', 'engaged and 'amazing' are very clichéd and makes the statement sound very unprofessional in it's tone. The development of language isn't something which most courses actually discuss so it's an odd choice and shows a lack of research into classics courses. The use of longer words here to sound impressive doesn't really work as the applicant doesn't back this up with discussion about whether they agree with what the book says. Direct links between the two books would improve this statement. Perhaps the applicant could play one idea in one book against another in the other?) Classics appeals to me as I can study linguistic structure and simultaneously understand the societies through their literature, history and philosophy.(As a mini-summary, this works, but it takes up characters and isn't needed. 'Appeals' is clichéd and the applicant hasn't shown a desire to actually debate with these authors in this paragraph.)
Classical literature gives a peep-hole into the Greek and Roman mind as it creates a perfectly preserved microcosm, whilst dealing with timeless human dilemmas. (This is good, but the word 'peep-hole' is odd.)Over the past few years, I have really enjoyed examining the heroic ideal, especially in the context of epic poetry. I found Griffin’s ‘Homer; on Life and Death’ enlightening, as it led me to examine many of the characters from a new perspective.(There is no mention of Homer here. The applicant is slightly confused as epic poetry isn't mentioned here. The analysis is, but perhaps the applicant could have mentioned Homer first and then discussed modern ideas about the author.) Griffin presented Achilles in a favourable light, causing me to see past his arrogance and physicality to his principles and tragic fate with much more sympathy. (The applicant isn't challenging this perception. Also, this reading of Homer is removed from other ideas. Homer focuses on honour and this is the main reason for Achilles' withdrawal. Not mentioning honour is any context here weakens the statement. Since the applicant doesn't compare Homer and Griffin here, they have missed out on a chance to show their abilities at comparing modern analyses with ancient sources.)The moral dilemmas presented by the Greek tragedians are thought-provoking. Euripides’ exploration of the themes of silence and oaths, and Phaedra’s plight in ‘Hippolytus’ moved me deeply. ('Moved me deeply' is a very clichéd phrase and is too emotive. Also the themes aren't explored, just named and they could be explored in more depth.)They also offer and insight to the issues Greece faced at the time and how its society worked. (I would look to incorporate this into the main sentence as it looks like an afterthought. This paragraph is moving in the right direction with ancient sources, but there is no analysis or personal opinion, just lists and names.) Studying Chemistry and Mathematics honed my logic and ability to assimilate and apply new concepts to various situations.(This is good, but a logical mindset is always used in classics statements.) They also made me appreciate the work done by Archimedes, Pythagoras and other ancient scientific minds.(This sounds like more of a name check. The applicant could use this starting point to discuss the work of these mathematicians in some depth. At the moment, they seem to be thrown in there to make the statement seem more 'classical')
Over the LVI year, I started tutoring Classics and Maths. This is a symbiotic process. Teaching Latin and Greek helped me understand their structure better, and also taught me about the challenges of teaching. It is deeply rewarding. (As a paragraph this works quite well and is short and sweet.)
I have a variety of non-academic interests. I love debating, and have improved over the past few years. It made me more analytical and increased my clarity of thought and expression. ('Love' is too emotive a term here to really be appropriate. Clarity of thought is very close to logic in some regards and is a very vague and woolly expression. I don't think that the applicant needs to talk about improvement as this should be implied really by their continual involvement in debating.)I am school Judo captain and a keen squash and tennis player. (This isn't really relevant and the applicant could cut this in favour of other extracurricular activities.)This combined with my role as school Librarian, chairman of the Classics society and Junior House prefect has improved my time management and efficiency. (I don't think that the applicant really needs to say this as such. I think that listing one or two of these roles would be enough here.)Being Junior House prefect has honed my communication and leadership skills.(This is perhaps good to mention here.) Such diverse responsibilities have given me confidence to push myself further in all that I do. (This really doesn't need to be said. I feel that the applicant can risk saying too much and really, the sentence doesn't actually add much here.)I also represent my school quiz team. I participated in the Young Enterprise, developing my team-work skills considerably. I have done my Bronze Duke of Edinburgh award, and am working towards Gold. (All these three things could be listed in one sentence. I think that too much time is spent on this paragraph and that the applicant is too eager to fit more and more activities in.)I hope this show that my ability to juggle numerous commitments with dedication.(I would avoid this last sentence. The applicant sounds like they are appealing to the admissions tutor to see what they are saying. The paragraph implies this last sentence so there is no need for it. On the whole, this paragraph is too long. Two or three selected hobbies would be enough here. Admissions tutors care more about the desire to study classics and this section, although needed to an extent, should not be taking up so much space.)
I am lucky to be brought up in two distinct cultures. This broadened my horizons and increased the opportunities I had. I am bilingual in Hindi and English, and am learning Sanskrit in the holidays. I love it, and find the similarities between Sanskrit and Latin and Greek fascinating.(The final phrase of this paragraph is interesting and more should be made of this. The rest of the paragraph is rather unnecessary. While it does say something about the applicant, it doesn't really add anything extra to the statement and it appears to be just filling up the space rather than being something of any value. This is a shame, but there are areas of this which could be used to great effect. The applicant should also combine the first few sentences into one as it currently disrupts the pace of this paragraph.)
I have been learning Mandarin for two years. It is very satisfying, yet challenging.(I would look to combine these two sentences into one. However, it seems a little too much to add this in as well and it just seems like a case of adding more in for the sake of it.) It has given me a new perspective on language due to its idiosyncratic pictographic nature. (Once again, I would look to avoid the long words here as it can sound pretentious.)
I agree with Tolkien’s statement; “no language is justly studied merely as an aid to other purposes. It will in fact better serve other purposes, philological or historical, when it is studied for love, for itself”. (Once again, the applicant is not using their own words, but others to express what they think. This does not express and can not truly express what you think. One should look to express their own ideas in their own words.)This is my motivation to study classics; that I may experience the beauty of the languages and also understand their speakers. (This final sentence is good, but the beauty of language is a very clichéd idea. As a concluding paragraph, this is good, but the applicant should look to express what they feel in their own words and this would work a lot better.)
