This is a real personal statement written by a student for their university application. It might help you decide what to include in your own. There are lots more examples in our collection of sample personal statements.
My approach to life's challenges is one of perseverance; the harder the problem that I am faced with, the more determined I am to solve it. When I first started to experiment with programming it was incredibly satisfying to see my hard work begin to take shape and this only encouraged me to further branch out to new languages and use more elaborate techniques. From this simple beginning I set my sights on a career in the computing industry, and many years later I still have no doubt whatsoever that is exactly where I want to be.
From a relatively low-key debut with HTML and CSS, my love of programming and dedication to the subject ensured that it wasn't long until I was experimenting with server-side scripting and relational databases. As my confidence grew, I was given the opportunity to create small scripts for projects owned by a group of like-minded peers and not long after, I began my first full-scale venture; a canine simulation game that used a script to create unique images on the fly.
Being a logical thinker, I have always been in my element around subjects such as Mathematics with Mechanics and Physics and enjoy applying my knowledge to analyse and solve complex problems. Creativity is also very important to me, particularly with regards to dealing with challenges, so in my second year of A-Level study I took up an additional AS in Design Technology to further develop these skills.
The reasons behind my desire to study Computer Science are that I would like to expand my existing knowledge of programming and learn to apply it in various applications such as Artificial Intelligence, games and software development. I feel that having a good insight as to how a computer actually operates and deals with data would provide me with a solid base in understanding errors and the best ways to optimise code. I have opted for a year in industry in order to develop my ability to work both as part of a team and independently and to translate my education into productivity in a working environment.
One inspirational aspect of computing that fascinates me is the ability that many ingenious pioneers have taken existing technology and used it in innovative ways, for example when Johnny Lee used Wiimote technology to turn any screen into an interactive whiteboard. Working on a project that has the potential to provide benefit or entertainment to others gives me a real sense of satisfaction, and I'm looking forward to developing programs that have the prospect of being used worldwide.
As an active person I jump at the chance to get involved with extracurricular activities, and last year I took on an important role in a Young Enterprise team. As Head of ICT I was tasked with creating the designs for the product as well as several marketing aids such as business cards and a functional and informative website. I was able to work well within my team and was able to take on a leadership role from time to time. I am a very able individual and can work well on my own without being prompted, shown by my independent study of Further Mathematics during my final year of Sixth Form.
In my spare time I enjoy experimenting in the kitchen (much to the dismay of my parents). I also have a deep interest in the natural world around me, and like spending time outdoors and watching documentaries. Later on in life I intend to travel the world and visit places such as the Alps, or the ruins of Machu Picchu.
Reviewer comment:
Good to mention reason for applying for the year in industry, some universities require this in the personal statement.
Paragraph on pioneers is great as it shows the interest of the applicant but more detail can be applied here
Parts relating to computer science need to be expanded to give examples of particular topics of interest and explain why
Cliched start to PS
Personal statement is too informal
Structure of PS is not logical, can be ordered in a different way to flow more cohesively
Find expert advice on writing an excellent personal statement over on The Uni Guide.
Comments
General Comments:
This statement is a good basis to start from, but the bits related to CS need to be expanded to show a real interest in the subject. There is too much on the extra-curricular activities, which needs to be reduced to fit in more relevant stuff: at least 2/3 of the PS should be directly related to the subject being applied for. Informal language and humour should also be avoided.
Comments on the statement:
My approach to life's challenges is one of perseverance; the harder the problem that I am faced with, the more determined I am to solve it. It should be clear from the first bit what the applicant is applying for, which this doesn’t. As it stands, it is rather clichéd When I first started to experiment with programming it was incredibly satisfying to see my hard work begin to take shape and this only encouraged me to further branch out to new languages and use more elaborate techniques. OK, but why was it interesting in the first place to start experimenting? It’s not clear, as ‘seeing my hard work take shape’ could apply to a lot of subjects. E.g. science experiments, graphic design. This is important to answer the question ‘why do you want to study CS?’ which this doesn’t achieve at the moment. From this simple beginning I set my sights on a career in the computing industry, and many years later I still have no doubt whatsoever that is exactly where I want to be. Focus on the academic interests, rather than the career. It’s not a vocational course. If mentioning it, it would be best left for the conclusion
From a relatively low-key debut not the right word here with HTML and CSS, my love of programming and dedication to the subject ensured that it wasn't contractions like this aren’t suitable for a PS, as it’s a formal document long until I was experimenting with server-side scripting and relational databases. This needs to be expanded on: why did you decide to experiment further? What grabbed your interest and why? However, a good use of technical lingo, shows you are not blagging. Because HTML and CSS are not programming languages, but perhaps ignore them and focus the paragraph on an example or two of the more impressive server-side scripting and databases. As my confidence grew, I was given the opportunity to create small scripts for projects owned by a group of like-minded peers the exact nature of this is unclear. How was this organised, for example? and not long after, I began my first full-scale venture; shouldn’t be a semi-colon a canine simulation game that used a script to create unique images on the fly. The phrase ‘on the fly’ is also too informal for a PS. Instead, it would be better to mention what language the game was programmed in, and what was learned from doing it, along with any skills gained and interests in it.
Being a logical thinker, I have always this word is best avoided in PSs altogether, as it would technically mean since being a baby been in my element too informal around subjects such as mathematics with mechanics and physics unless mentioning the name of the qualification, it should be small letters. I also don’t know what subject ‘maths with mechanics’ is, so that should be rephrased and enjoy applying my knowledge to analyse and solve complex problems. This would be better if the applicant discusses an example of a contemporary, complex problem in CS and relate it back to maths and how it’s interesting. It could also be good to discuss interests in the maths concepts that are important in CS. Creativity is also very important to me, particularly with regards to dealing with challenges, so in my second year of A-Level study I took up an additional AS in Design Technology to further develop these skills. This seems like trying to ‘tick the boxes’ with a variety of skills/subjects or trying to relate everything to CS. If it can be mentioned with a specific relation to CS, then fine, otherwise it’s not necessary.
The reasons behind my desire to study Computer Science are that I would like to expand my existing knowledge of programming and learn to apply it in various applications such as artificial intelligence, games and software development. This sounds more like an introduction, so it doesn’t flow with the rest of the statement. Instead, what would be better would be to discuss further research the applicant has done in one or more of these areas, discussing exactly why they find it interesting. I feel that having a good insight as to how a computer actually operates and deals with data would provide me with a solid base in understanding errors and the best ways to optimise code. Rather than say you do (which anyone could), SHOW that you do I have opted for a year in industry in order to develop my ability to work both as part of a team and independently and to translate my education into productivity in a working environment. Mentioning a year in industry isn’t necessary and is risky if not all your choices offer it. This also doesn’t really flow with the rest of the paragraph. One inspirational aspect of computing that fascinates overused word in PSs me is the ability that many ingenious pioneers have taken existing technology and used it in innovative ways, for example when Johnny Lee used Wiimote technology to turn any screen into an interactive whiteboard. Working on a project that has the potential to provide benefit or entertainment to others gives me a real sense of satisfaction, and I'm looking forward to developing programs that have the prospect of being used worldwide. This would be better if it was related to the CS side of things i.e. the background of it/programming. The last bit sounds like a conclusion, so it doesn’t flow with the statement. However, it is good that the applicant is discussing ‘real-life’ applications of CS. The final sentence is quite long and wordy and could easily shortened.
As an active person I jump the metaphor is too informal here at the chance to get involved with extracurricular activities, and last year I took on an important role in a Young Enterprise team. As Head of ICT I was tasked with creating the designs for the product which was? as well as several marketing aids such as business cards and a functional and informative website. I was able to work well within my team and was able to take on a leadership role from time to time. It is good that the applicant has demonstrated leadership qualities and also that they can balance curricular and extracurricular activities; however the description from 'creating the designs......website' takes up quite a bit of space, and is not actually that relevant to the subject. Also, each skill only needs to be mentioned once. I am a very able individual and can work well on my own without being prompted, shown by my independent study of Further Mathematics during my final year of Sixth Form. This would sound better coming from the referee
In my spare time I enjoy experimenting in the kitchen (much to the dismay of my parents). Humour/jokes are not suitable for a PS I also have a deep interest in the natural world around me, and like spending time outdoors and watching documentaries. Later on in life I intend to travel the world and visit places such as the Alps, or the ruins of Machu Picchu. This whole paragraph isn’t really necessary – the admissions tutors don’t really care if you watch nature documentaries or want to travel in the future. The above paragraph is enough on extra-curricular activities (with maybe a sentence like ‘In my spare time I also enjoy cooking and watching television documentaries’). There is no real conclusion to sum up why the candidate wants to study CS and why they are a good candidate, which is very important.
