International Development Personal Statement
As a child my father always pointed out the glacial features of the mountain as we skied, or the formation of a valley as we drove. Geography has always intrigued me, and from this interest stems my love. Most of my early understanding of how the world was formed was from my fathers’ one-on-one classes or by reading my sisters pocket encyclopaedia. When I began to have lessons solely dedicated to geography my fascination grew. I also realized that by studying the subject properly I had a natural ability.
Both the human and physical characteristics of geography fascinate me, from the plate tectonic theory to Ulman-Harris’s land use function model. Over the past several years, I have been on geography fieldtrips to study urbanisation, tourism and river formations. Fieldwork helps me understand how it all works. This is probably why I enjoyed my father pointing out geographical features so much as a child, as it made it seem so much more real.
Geography focuses on the present and the future. I think this reflects my character and why sustainability is so important globally and personally. My international background makes me aware of global problems and sustainable development. Developmental Studies contains my favourite aspects of geography; the social, political, economic and cultural.
I have studied German, Turkish, basic French, and Spanish. I find it very unnerving to arrive in a country and not be able to communicate and want to continue my study of languages further.
Extracurricular Activities: I am involved in a diverse amount of extracurricular activities. The CAS program at our school is very varied. In June 2006 I was fortunate enough to visit a small village near by and set up a library and kindergarten. Seeing the children so happy to have things that most people take for granted made me realize how much I want to help people. Therefore, during my gap year I plan to travel to Australia and work with those less fortunate than myself, teaching and working. Australia being such a large island has so much to offer geographically. I cannot wait to see Uluru, the varying climates, and the Victorian Alps.
I am very aware of the rapid spreading of the AIDS pandemic. I want to help those who are infected and those who are unaware. I have been in contact with the leading AIDS/HIV doctor in Turkey and plan on helping at the hospital along with organizing fund and awareness raising functions at school.
I don’t participate in many athletic activities although I love football and badminton. When my school had a girl’s football team I was actively involved. The school is planning to start a girl’s football team and I will be involved again. I play badminton out of school as often as possible. The university offers free courses in badminton, which I was, part of last year and plan on being part of again this year.
When I was fifteen I helped to found a literary magazine to showcase the talent at my school. Since then I have been the editor-in-chief. This takes up quite a bit of my time but I enjoy every moment of it; from reading submissions, forming a layout and finally seeing the finished product.
Having studied at international schools I have experienced many different cultures and feel language is a big part of understanding. Language makes up such a large part of a country’s culture that if we don’t make an effort to understand, or learn the language however limited we are unable to fully enjoy the culture. Having been brought up in countries where English is not the national language it is even more important for me to be able to communicate.
Comments
General Comments:
Overall, this statement provides a strong base on which to build - the essential structure and ideas are in place, and it requires mainly some extra detail in places, a rebalancing of academic to extra-curricular content, and some stylistic tweaks.
The statement is effective in providing a number of examples of the candidate's interest in geographical issues, and in so doing avoiding the more formulaic structure seen in many oher statements. However, most of these points are not sufficiently developed and overall the balance between academic and non-academic interests is skewed too strongly in favour of the latter. My primary suggestion for improvement, therefore, would be to condense the extra-curriculars section in favour of expanding with a little more detail upon some of the geographical issues mentioned (for instance sustainable development and the AIDS pandemic). The second major point of concern lies in the fact that the statement is lacking a clear conclusion - it is important to finish with a concluding sentence or two summarising the key points of the statement and ensuring that the applicant's strengths are kept clear in the admissions tutor's mind as he/she finishes reading. A tighter linking of the extra-curriculars to course-relevant skills demonstrated or gained would also be beneficial. Finally, while the language is in general good, punctuation and sentence structure are in places problematic and the statement could have benefitted from more thorough proofreading before submission.
Comments on the statement:
Comments and additions are in bold, content to remove is indicated with a strikethrough, and words or phrases about which a comment has been made are shown in red and blue [To be continued when I get around to it....]
As a child my father always pointed out the glacial features of the mountain as we skied, or the formation of a valley as we drove. Geography has always intrigued me, and from this interest stems my love. Most of my early understanding of how the world was formed was from my fathers’ one-on-one classes or by reading my sisters pocket encyclopaedia. When I began to have lessons solely dedicated to geography my fascination grew. I also realized that by studying the subject properly I had a natural ability.
Both the human and physical characteristics of geography fascinate me, from the plate tectonic theory to Ulman-Harris’s land use function model. Over the past several years, I have been on geography fieldtrips to study urbanisation, tourism and river formations. Fieldwork helps me understand how it all works. This is probably why I enjoyed my father pointing out geographical features so much as a child, as it made it seem so much more real.
Geography focuses on the present and the future. I think this reflects my character and why sustainability is so important globally and personally. My international background makes me aware of global problems and sustainable development. Developmental Studies contains my favourite aspects of geography; the social, political, economic and cultural.
I have studied German, Turkish, basic French, and Spanish. I find it very unnerving to arrive in a country and not be able to communicate and want to continue my study of languages further.
Extracurricular Activities: I am involved in a diverse amount of extracurricular activities. The CAS program at our school is very varied. In June 2006 I was fortunate enough to visit a small village near by and set up a library and kindergarten. Seeing the children so happy to have things that most people take for granted made me realize how much I want to help people. Therefore, during my gap year I plan to travel to Australia and work with those less fortunate than myself, teaching and working. Australia being such a large island has so much to offer geographically. I cannot wait to see Uluru, the varying climates, and the Victorian Alps.
I am very aware of the rapid spreading of the AIDS pandemic. I want to help those who are infected and those who are unaware. I have been in contact with the leading AIDS/HIV doctor in Turkey and plan on helping at the hospital along with organizing fund and awareness raising functions at school.
I don’t participate in many athletic activities although I love football and badminton. When my school had a girl’s football team I was actively involved. The school is planning to start a girl’s football team and I will be involved again. I play badminton out of school as often as possible. The university offers free courses in badminton, which I was, part of last year and plan on being part of again this year.
When I was fifteen I helped to found a literary magazine to showcase the talent at my school. Since then I have been the editor-in-chief. This takes up quite a bit of my time but I enjoy every moment of it; from reading submissions, forming a layout and finally seeing the finished product.
Having studied at international schools I have experienced many different cultures and feel language is a big part of understanding. Language makes up such a large part of a country’s culture that if we don’t make an effort to understand, or learn the language however limited we are unable to fully enjoy the culture. Having been brought up in countries where English is not the national language it is even more important for me to be able to communicate.
