Personal Statement:Psychology 17 - The Student Room

Psychology Personal Statement

No specialty attracted me more than psychology. The weakness of human nature caused my great interests in psychology. After that I studied a couple of books which related to psychology. I realized that the ability of humans’ mind is immense. Later I was totally magnetized by the academic of psychology. An abundance of popular psychology periodicals would never failed to fascinate me during my senior school. They contained both exoteric and professional knowledge, like home and abroad, psychological counseling record and psychological counseling which I liked most. I was impressed with how seamlessly the knowledge of psychology could be applied to daily life. At the same time, I joined the psychology association as well. There I attended several lessons about personality. I showed great interests in those lessons, eager to learn more; this also made me determined my mind to do future study on psychology, and gain a solid understanding of psychology theories and concepts.

The excellent skills of math and biology made me quite confident in doing perfect work in my future psychology study. I have always been working hard on my math and biology. In primary school grade three, I began to attend math senior class in my spare time, after five years’ training I got the third prize in a nationally math match. Most of my spare time in senior school was also contributed to math. I started my biology class from junior school, even now, I can still clearly remember most of the important contains in my six text books. I have got the first prize in a science match hold by my junior school, which combined chemical, physics and biology. And the twelve years study has taught me to appreciate the enormous importance of education and the upbeat impact it has on an individual’s life.

Why I would like a degree in psychology, it is always been one of my dream. Can help people with their mental problem, compared with psychology problem

As a teenager, I can feel the study stress and the sensitive emotion problem and the presser comes from parents as well. Only a gather of these three things, sometimes, can make us disappointed to death. I also can understand those adults pressure, no matter from work children or their parents. I cannot ignore how hard the patients cope with psychology distress. I pay most attention to those children who have psychology problems, they all have bright futures, how can let those psychology problem ruined their future, they all have a long way to go, they all have countless opportunities to touch the wonderful world. I want to try my best to help those people feel our wonderful world in their limited life. I believe university education will give me an excellent opportunity to study psychology in great depeath.

However, I was not a bookworm. To extend my vision and expand knowledge, I always have enthused in school union work or association work. In my junior school time I worked for the school union, I was responsible for six grades sanitary inspection. This work made me more conscientious and more painstaking in my job. In my senior school time, I joined school’s psychology association. I worked in periodical department. After one years’ hard working, I became our department’s minister. From this, I learned how to think a thing logically, and how to organize people. Most important, I have learnt how to communicate with other people properly and clearly. In addition, I have spent considerably more time in our junior school library than my friends. The more I learnt on campus, the more I hoped to see the real world outside the ivory tower. So I am eager to go out to learn different culture to improve myself. Despite psychology, my favorite area is environment. Global warming, Melting Iceberg, sea level rise, extinct species something like that have never get out of my mind. My father always jokes on me: she is so annoying since she was a little girl. When I was taking a shower, she would always stood outside and counting the seconds; when I was driving she talks about photo-chemical smog. I not only concerned on the environment crisis, but also try my best to pursued family as well as friends stop doing harmful things to our precious environment.

Sports are always my best choice when I want to relax myself. I do sports to improve my psychical health, to meat new people, to make more close with my friends.

Comments

General Comments:

This is a poor statement. Although there is no mention of it, given the strange wording of the PS, I guess this is one from an international applicant. It is vitally important that a PS shows how good your grasp of English is – while it is readable (you can work out what the person means), it should be of a higher standard in order to succeed in academic study at degree level in an English university.

The applicant does also not appear to have an idea of the academic nature of the course, despite mentioning awareness of psychology literature. It seems like they believe the course is one where you’re going to learn how to help people; this is not the case – it is an academic degree, so theories, concepts etc. will be covered. It would be far better to discuss the books the applicant has read and talking about his/her interest in them. There are also things that are irrelevant to a PS in here and no real conclusion.

Comments on the statement:

No specialty attracted me more than psychology. This is not the best use of an opening statement. It comes across as a very blunt and negative exaggeration (and not with the right effect). The first line is important to draw in the admissions tutor in and explain how you became interested in psychology. The interest should also be mentioned in the present tense. The weakness of human nature caused my great interests in psychology. 'the weakness of human nature' is very vague and an unfounded statement – if assumptions like this are going to be made, then they need to be backed up and expanded on. After that after what? This sentence doesn’t flow grammatically with the previous one I studied a couple of books which related to psychology The applicant needs to name them and explain their relation to psychology, why they interested them and give their own opinion on what they read. However, this should be done further down the statement. I realised use the British spelling that the ability of humans’ mind the human brain is immense. another vague and unfounded statement. What is meant by ability? What evidence do you have for this? Later I was totally magnetised too informal by the academic of psychology This sentence makes very little sense. Later than what? What does 'the academic of psychology' mean? This sentence should be rewritten An abundance of popular psychology periodicals Instead of alluding to them, the applicant needs to name a few, and expand on them, as mentioned with the books would have never failed to fascinate over-used word in PSs me during my senior school secondary education. This whole sentence is unnecessarily overexaggerated. They contained both exoteric and professional knowledge, like on areas including home and abroad, What is home and abroad? Cross-cultural may be better here psychological counselling record and psychological counselling this is basically repeating itself - what is the 'record'? which I liked most what did you like most about it? Explain why. I was impressed with how seamlessly the knowledge of psychology could be applied to daily life. The applicant needs to give examples. At the same time, I have joined the psychology association this doesn't really belong in the first paragraph, and 'psychology association' should be capitalised, as it's the name of an organisation as well. There I, where I attended several lessons about on personality. I showed great interests was greatly interested in those lessons, and am eager to learn more. This also made me determined my mind to do future study on psychology, and gain a solid understanding of psychology theories and concepts. The structure, spelling and the grammar of this sentence needs working on but the concept is correct.

Overall, this intro needs a lot of work, on both the grammar and the content. It’s too long – the intro should just briefly describe why you are interested in psychology. Further reading should be mentioned explicitly in another paragraph, discussing what you find interesting from it and why.

The excellent skills of maths and biology made me quite confident "quite confident" shows weakness in a way. The word "quite" in general probably isn't a good word to use in a PS because it just devalues a sentence or a comment in doing perfect work in my future psychology study. This sounds both arrogant and highly unlikely. The applicant needs to focus on how they relate to psychology, e.g. scientific methodology, knowledge of the nervous system, statistics. I have always been working hard on my math and biology. Pointless - the admissions tutors would expect no less. In primary school grade three, something from this long ago is totally irrelevant to why you want to study psychology now – keep everything within the last two years at the most I began to attend math senior class in my spare time, after five years’ training I got the third prize in a nationally math match. Most of my spare time in senior school was also contributed to math. This dedication to something other than psychology isn't good to mention. I started my biology class from junior school, even now, I can still clearly remember most of the important contains in my six text books. This is also irrelevant to psychology. I have got the first prize in a science match hold by my junior school, which combined chemical, physics and biology. If this isn't recent, it should be removed. In this section you have convinced me that your passion lies within maths and biology rather than psychology. Biology and maths are both important components of psychology but it’s advisable to talk about them within the context of your interest for psychology! And Don't start a sentence with "and" the twelve years study has taught me to appreciate the enormous importance of education and the upbeat impact it has on an individual’s life. This is rather informal wording and the concept isn't specific to psychology enough to keep.

Why I would like a degree in psychology, No need to include the question- just write the answer! it has always this can’t be true, as it would literally mean from being a baby! been one of my dream. Clichéd with no explanation Can help people with their mental problem, compared with psychology problem This isn’t a sentence or question and doesn’t make sense. What is a 'mental problem' compared to a psychological one? Also, this is too short for a paragraph and sounds more like a conclusion.

As a teenager, I can feel the study stress and the sensitive emotion problem and the pressure comes from parents as well. Only a gather of these three things, sometimes, can make us disappointed to death. I also can understand those adults pressure, no matter from work children or their parents. the last thing an admissions tutor wants to hear is that you don't cope well with stress - especially those caused by study! It also doesn’t really make grammatical sense I cannot ignore how hard the patients what patients? cope with psychology distress. You cannot cope with something ‘hard’ or ‘soft’ – I think the applicant means ‘well’ – but it doesn’t really make sense I pay most attention to those children who have psychology problems, they all have bright futures, how can let those psychology problem ruined their future, they all have a long way to go, they all have countless opportunities to touch the wonderful world. This makes no sense and is very clichéd I want to try my best to help those people feel our wonderful world in their limited life. Please don't suggest that some people are more worthy of treatment than others! It is completely unethical to do so. I believe university education will give me an excellent opportunity to study psychology in great depth. stating the obvious and a waste of characters.

Applicants who will discuss psychology and think they're going to solve all mental health issues in their degree show unrealistic and naive views of what a psychology degree is, so this sort of talk should be avoided in a PS altogether.

However, I was not a bookworm. Do not talk yourself down in your PS. This is likely to put the reader off. The ‘however’ also doesn’t flow well with the previous paragraph and 'bookworm' is too colloquial To extend my vision and expand knowledge, this doesn’t make sense I always not since birth! have been enthused in school union work or association work. In my junior school time I worked for the school union, I was responsible for six grades sanitary inspection. This work made me more conscientious and more painstaking in my job. As above, keep everything relevant time-wise. In my senior school time, I joined my school’s psychology association. The applicant has already talked about this! Things do not need to be repeated. However, this would be a better place to discuss it. I worked in periodical department. This sentence doesn’t make sense. Don’t start two sentences in a row with ‘I’, as it doesn’t flow well. Also, avoid listing things you’ve done – instead, the applicant should talk about what they found interesting/what they gained from them After one year’s hard working After a year of hard work, I became our department’s minister. From this, I learned how to think thing logically “example? , and how to organize people. It's unclear what the department did. If it's not a typical thing (like being head girl), the applicant needs to explain this. Most importantly, I have learnt how to communicate with other people properly and clearly. Specific examples are needed to back this up, although its relevance to a psychology degree is questionable anyway In addition, I have spent considerably more time in our junior school library than my friends avoid mentioning other students in your PS, particularly in a bad light The more I learnt on campus, the more I hoped to see the real world outside the ivory tower This is clichéd and not really obvious how it relates to your choice to study psychology. So don’t start a sentence with ‘so’ I am eager to go out to learn different culture to improve myself. This is not what a psychology degree is about – it is learning the theories, rather than a self-improvement course Despite psychology, why despite? my favourite British spelling area is environment. Global warming, melting icebergs, sea level rise, extinct species something like that have never get out of my mind. This sentence doesn’t make sense. Also, you shouldn’t talk about your love for environmental science, when you should talk about your interest in psychology My father always jokes on me: she is so annoying since she was a little girl. I’m guessing this is what the father is meant to be saying. Regardless, discussing family is not something that should be done in a PS When I was taking a shower, she would always stood outside and counting the seconds; when I was driving she talks about photo-chemical smog. I not only concerned on the environment crisis, but also try my best to pursued family as well as friends stop doing harmful things to our precious environment. As above

Sports are always my best choice when I want to relax myself reword. I do sports to improve my physical health, to meet new people, to make more close with my friends. A conclusion should be focused on the course – why you want to study psychology and why you are a good candidate. This does not do that