Experiencing a break-up is something that most of us have to go through at some point. You could have been with your partner for a short period of time or a long time but when it happens it is never easy. Whether you are the person who initiated the break up or whether it took you by surprise this article will give you some useful advice to help you through this difficult time.
Once you have dealt with the immediate aftermath of the break up it might be worth spending some time thinking and looking back at your relationship and what happened. As painful as it may be, thinking about why the last relationship didn’t work can be very useful for your own peace of mind and for future relationships. This isn’t necessarily about placing blame but rather looking into the contributing factors and things that you can watch out for in the future. It also helps you to take some time to make practical plans for day to day activities and actions and future plans that prioritise your well being.
Have some time apart
This might not be a problem if the break up was a bad one and right now the last thing you want to do is see your ex. However, even if you and your ex have decided that you would like to try and be friends it is still important that you take some time to allow emotions to die down. The amount of time that you stay apart is completely up to you but try to leave it until you can talk without any ulterior motive on your part.
For many people, it's easiest to drop all contact entirely. It might take some initial willpower for those who'd rather the break-up had never happened, but removing your ex from every aspect of your life - deleting his or her number from your phone, blocking their number so they can't send you texts, removing him or her from Facebook until feelings have died down, etc - really is the quickest way to lift yourself from the pit many people feel they're in following a separation. It may seem difficult at first, but every time you make contact with your ex the recovery process will be set back again. At the very least, avoid checking up on them at every possible moment; Facebook stalking, while feeling good temporarily as it abates your anxiety to know what your former partner is doing, only hurts you more in the long run by dragging the process of recovery on further.
The most important thing is that you don’t places your decision to break up in a compromising scenario. Don't go back for one more night or old times sake. Do not find yourself alone, getting intimate or intoxicated around them, and do not kiss or sleep with your ex. This might sound obvious, but it can cause old feelings to resurface which won’t help you get over them.
Learn to love yourself again
We often retaliate from breakups by criticising ourselves and looking back at all of our "mistakes". Don't waste your time living in the past, instead, focusing on developing into a new and improved person that learned from the breakup. The moment you work on yourself, start loving yourself, and become a better person, the pain of the entire breakup will go away too. Cut your hair, find a new hobby, create new rituals; become someone new so that you are no longer the person who is feeling the loss of the breakup.
Take some time
It can be tempting to rush into a new relationship immediately, especially if you are just coming out of a long relationship. Rushing into a new relationship when you haven’t got over your ex will mean that you won’t be able to fully put yourself into the new relationship. You may also find yourself forming a relationship with someone that you previously wouldn’t have considered, which can only lead to regrets later. It is important that you wait until you are ready and able to trust your opinion on when this is. --
Go out… have fun
It may sound like a cliché, but once you are over the initial shock of it you should try hanging out with your friends, go out and enjoy yourself. This might be the worst thing that you can imagine but it could cheer you up. Staying at home may be contributing to how you are feeling. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you should go out clubbing or drinking, but just spending time with your friends can really help. --
If you aren’t coping
Sometimes a break up can hit you really hard and you can find that you aren’t coping. It is this stage where it is important that you talk to someone about it. This can take the form of just talking to a friend or maybe a counsellor associated with your school or university. If these aren’t really options the Samaritans are always available for you to call 24 hours a day.
If you're a single parent living on a student income it can be particularly tough to make sure that there’s enough money for everything your child needs.
If you’re looking after a child day to day, regular, reliable child maintenance can be a great help. If you don’t live with your child but you want to provide for them in some way, it can be a real struggle.
But did you know:
- You can set up a family-based arrangement between yourselves rather than involving the CSA?
- A child maintenance arrangement doesn’t always have to be about exchanging money?
- Your child is likely to benefit physically and emotionally if you can work together to sort out and stick to a child maintenance arrangement?
If you want to find out more, you can get in touch with Child Maintenance Options. They offer a free, impartial information and support service, and can talk you through all of your choices. They’re there for both parents, as well as family and friends who want to help.
You can contact Child Maintenance Options on 0800 988 0988 from 8am to 8pm Monday to Friday and 9am to 4pm on Saturdays. Or you can visit the website whenever you like at http://www.cmoptions.org.
Other useful Links
TSR's Health and Relationship forum here you can post any questions that you might have anonymously if need be.