• Your Shoes response

Don’t pretend like you know me. Don’t act pitiful when you see me. Why am I crying? I don’t miss them. I don’t. Why would I cry for someone who accuses me? Who would call their own daughter a dirty slut when they don’t even know anything about me? They know nothing. They never understood me… I live with Sarah now. She is like a big sister to me, the only family I have now, I don’t know what I’d do without her. I think about mum a lot it’s not like I can forget the person who gave birth to me. The person I used to call, Mum. What was she doing right now? Was she alright? Was she still smiling or was she ashamed of her daughter? I felt empty and lonely, I wanted to run to mum and ask her to hide me in her big cuddles where nothing else would matter anymore. Where I will be safe. Where no one in this world could harm me. But mum you are no angel yourself, you lied to me. You told me you loved me but you don’t have a clue what it means to love someone do you? You never loved anyone not even dad, you are just like grandma. Heartless. But even she wouldn’t have let dad call me a ‘dirty slut.’ She wouldn’t have stayed back and let dad accuse me of something just like that. But you did. What’s worse is that you didn’t even stop him. You didn’t say a word. You simply started disappointedly at me. Did you even once considered to hear my side of the story or give me a chance to explain? No. both you and dad are as shellfish as each other. You never cared about me. You just did what you liked like always, changing my curtains to whatever you liked, never once asking for my opinion. You just liked being in charge but when I showed you I was an individual person both of you rejected me. Did you think I was your puppet?

I want to ask you, why did you always think so ill of your daughter? That night I finally understood what I was in your eyes. A dirty slut. It shattered me inside, I feel perished and hollow, forlorn of comfort, that’s why I left to be with people who actually cared and loved me. My friends never judged me, not like you and dad. They would stick by my side when I got in trouble with the teachers, or when you and dad argued and things got tough. You used to leave me on my own in the tiny dark bedroom whenever I did something you wouldn’t like, you would never ask what happened, and you’d always assume I was the cause of the trouble. ‘Ain’t she a lovely mother’ I thought.

You didn’t even know about my allergies. Everyday you’d cook something I couldn’t eat and then you’d act worried when you find me raiding the kitchen cupboards at midnight. You always called me ungrateful and unkind, but you never gave me a chance to show you how much I loved you. You were always complaining and making wrong assumptions about my friends. You knew that I wouldn’t hear a word against my friends or people I liked but you always did what I didn’t like. You always pushed me away. That night, you went through my things. You never understood how much I loved Jaden you always thought love was silly. You see we were very different from the beginning, I hope you are doing well as always, I hope you can find a puppet you always wanted.

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