why is society so horrible to girls and let boys get away with so much
sorry this has been bothering me for ages, but has anyone else noticed how society just lets guys do so much without batting an eyelid but as soon as a girl tries to do the same it's such a big deal? having grown up in a mixed household with my mum being Arab and my dad British, I've noticed so much sexism, like I've been flat out told that if I was a boy I'd be allowed out late at night, and every outfit choice I make has to be accompanied with remarks from my mum with her calling me a slut or prostitute for wanting to dress like my friends, and why is there such an emphasis on virginity for girls but not guys? like it's so backwards but why's it there in the first place - can't we all just be equal? like I get we have some biological differences but sometimes I feel like all I'm seen as is a womb with legs and nothing more while the guys in my life seem free to do as they please - sorry for the rant I just felt I had to get it off my chest
Original post by sjwhiten06
sorry this has been bothering me for ages, but has anyone else noticed how society just lets guys do so much without batting an eyelid but as soon as a girl tries to do the same it's such a big deal? having grown up in a mixed household with my mum being Arab and my dad British, I've noticed so much sexism, like I've been flat out told that if I was a boy I'd be allowed out late at night, and every outfit choice I make has to be accompanied with remarks from my mum with her calling me a slut or prostitute for wanting to dress like my friends, and why is there such an emphasis on virginity for girls but not guys? like it's so backwards but why's it there in the first place - can't we all just be equal? like I get we have some biological differences but sometimes I feel like all I'm seen as is a womb with legs and nothing more while the guys in my life seem free to do as they please - sorry for the rant I just felt I had to get it off my chest
You post refers to "society", but the examples you quote all relate to how your mum and dad treat you. Have you found that people outside your immediate family are also "horrible to girls"?
Original post by DataVenia
You post refers to "society", but the examples you quote all relate to how your mum and dad treat you. Have you found that people outside your immediate family are also "horrible to girls"?
that was just an example, in my experience both at home and outside with others, I've noticed significant differences - such as with pay - I previously worked as a bartender at a restaurant with 2 other boys the same age as me and who had started at the same time with us all working similar hours, it turned out that on top of our regular pay, the boys were receiving the tips they had accumulated (a 40 pound bonus each month) while I was not despite being tipped multiple times - another example is catcalling and wolfwhistling which I've experienced time and time again and am yet to know a guy that has experienced similar treatment - in reference to the original post, the strong emphasis on virginity for girls is not just something upheld by my mum but also by a lot of people I've encountered - and I'd like to add that clothes seem to have a lot more scrutiny with girls than with guys - with no one having an issue with guys wearing tank tops or ripped jeans but it suddenly being inappropriate when a girl does so - same goes with guys walking around shirtless and it being totally normal but when girls wear a crop top it is seen as too revealing.
I mean, to cut a long story short, boys and girls aren't the same, no matter how much we might try to pretend otherwise.
Women are physically far weaker than men. The overwhelming majority of perpetrators of sexual violence are men, whilst the overwhelming majority of victims are women. Women take far bigger risks and have much more to lose by having sex than men do. The sexual implications of various types of clothing are different for men and women. Women and men tend to attach different levels of emotional value to sex. Women and men tend to respond to different things when it comes to sexual arousal.
These differences lead to all sorts of reasons why it may be in your interests to behave differently from how a man might behave in the same situation. Some of them are unfortunate but they're also just facts of human nature. I doubt your mother (who is a woman herself) has any reason to want to just be "horrible to girls", let alone her own daughter. I'd stay open to the possibility that there may be some life experience behind what she says.
Women are physically far weaker than men. The overwhelming majority of perpetrators of sexual violence are men, whilst the overwhelming majority of victims are women. Women take far bigger risks and have much more to lose by having sex than men do. The sexual implications of various types of clothing are different for men and women. Women and men tend to attach different levels of emotional value to sex. Women and men tend to respond to different things when it comes to sexual arousal.
These differences lead to all sorts of reasons why it may be in your interests to behave differently from how a man might behave in the same situation. Some of them are unfortunate but they're also just facts of human nature. I doubt your mother (who is a woman herself) has any reason to want to just be "horrible to girls", let alone her own daughter. I'd stay open to the possibility that there may be some life experience behind what she says.
(edited 3 months ago)
Original post by sjwhiten06
sorry this has been bothering me for ages, but has anyone else noticed how society just lets guys do so much without batting an eyelid but as soon as a girl tries to do the same it's such a big deal? having grown up in a mixed household with my mum being Arab and my dad British, I've noticed so much sexism, like I've been flat out told that if I was a boy I'd be allowed out late at night, and every outfit choice I make has to be accompanied with remarks from my mum with her calling me a slut or prostitute for wanting to dress like my friends, and why is there such an emphasis on virginity for girls but not guys? like it's so backwards but why's it there in the first place - can't we all just be equal? like I get we have some biological differences but sometimes I feel like all I'm seen as is a womb with legs and nothing more while the guys in my life seem free to do as they please - sorry for the rant I just felt I had to get it off my chest
Yes, girls and boys are treated differently by society and it is much worse in conservative communities where women are traditionally expected to stay at home and be care givers whilst men go out to work. But that works both ways. I had a mid life crisis over the fact that I was the primary earner in my partnership with my wife. It was really stressful knowing that the life I was providing for my family rested solely on my shoulders.
That said, we live in a liberal democracy and legally you are entitled to equality with men. If that is what you seek then it is there for the taking if you can make it work. There are lots of professions which are actively seeking women so it is also possible to use the bias in your favour.
I think ultimately though it is a fight you probably won't win even though it is a worthy cause. The key to happiness is to be comfortable and positive in who you are as an individual, own it and not worry what others thing about it.
Original post by tazarooni89
I mean, to cut a long story short, boys and girls aren't the same, no matter how much we might try to pretend otherwise.
Women are physically far weaker than men. The overwhelming majority of perpetrators of sexual violence are men, whilst the overwhelming majority of victims are women. Women take far bigger risks and have much more to lose by having sex than men do. The sexual implications of various types of clothing are different for men and women. Women and men tend to attach different levels of emotional value to sex. Women and men tend to respond to different things when it comes to sexual arousal.
These differences lead to all sorts of reasons why it may be in your interests to behave differently from how a man might behave in the same situation. Some of them are unfortunate but they're also just facts of human nature. I doubt your mother (who is a woman herself) has any reason to want to just be "horrible to girls", let alone her own daughter. I'd stay open to the possibility that there may be some life experience behind what she says.
Women are physically far weaker than men. The overwhelming majority of perpetrators of sexual violence are men, whilst the overwhelming majority of victims are women. Women take far bigger risks and have much more to lose by having sex than men do. The sexual implications of various types of clothing are different for men and women. Women and men tend to attach different levels of emotional value to sex. Women and men tend to respond to different things when it comes to sexual arousal.
These differences lead to all sorts of reasons why it may be in your interests to behave differently from how a man might behave in the same situation. Some of them are unfortunate but they're also just facts of human nature. I doubt your mother (who is a woman herself) has any reason to want to just be "horrible to girls", let alone her own daughter. I'd stay open to the possibility that there may be some life experience behind what she says.
Gender essentialism aside, shouldn't the onus be on men here, to, y'know, not harass women? Claiming women should dress modestly to avoid sexual assault is like saying wives should submit to their husbands to avoid domestic violence. It's an attitude that blames the victim.
Original post by NameUserer
Gender essentialism aside, shouldn't the onus be on men here, to, y'know, not harass women? Claiming women should dress modestly to avoid sexual assault is like saying wives should submit to their husbands to avoid domestic violence. It's an attitude that blames the victim.
Yes, but that’s confusing an “is” with an “ought”. People should avoid doing all sorts of bad things but the fact is the world isn’t like that. I don’t think it’s wise to pretend that a risk doesn’t exist just because we think it shouldn’t exist. Especially not as a parent, where your child's life is potentially at stake.
Also, I'm not claiming that “women should dress modestly to avoid sexual assault”. That's an oversimplification - there’s far more nuance to it than that. Even if no assault takes place per se, a person’s way of dressing has a lot to do with things like their reputation, status, the way the world perceives them, the sort of attention they’ll attract and the sort of people that attention will come from. That's especially true for women, when it's a sexualised form of dressing. People often seem to want to turn a blind eye to this and act as though it happens in a vacuum, but that's just not how things work in practice.
(edited 3 months ago)
Original post by sjwhiten06
sorry this has been bothering me for ages, but has anyone else noticed how society just lets guys do so much without batting an eyelid but as soon as a girl tries to do the same it's such a big deal? having grown up in a mixed household with my mum being Arab and my dad British, I've noticed so much sexism, like I've been flat out told that if I was a boy I'd be allowed out late at night, and every outfit choice I make has to be accompanied with remarks from my mum with her calling me a slut or prostitute for wanting to dress like my friends, and why is there such an emphasis on virginity for girls but not guys? like it's so backwards but why's it there in the first place - can't we all just be equal? like I get we have some biological differences but sometimes I feel like all I'm seen as is a womb with legs and nothing more while the guys in my life seem free to do as they please - sorry for the rant I just felt I had to get it off my chest
One of the TSR mums here and totally get it. Even back when I was a teenager in the 90's it was exactly the same. Boys allowed out a lot longer, girls with a curfew. And girls were sluts and boys were studs. Thats how it was. And no phones too, so if I was back at 5 minutes past 9 I would be in trouble. I couldnt say I was running a bit late.
Now im a mum of two grown up daughters(22 and 18), and I do understand a bit more. I would worry that if they went out at night they had the forsight in safety in numbers and not going back home on their own. Or if they were to go to a club that they wont get spiked. Or if they dressed quite scantily clad that they would get unwanted attention in the club/bar and groped by some randomer. I wish that everyone could be equal too, but if you look at the statistics, sexual assualts are carried out mainly by men, so I can understand why your mum is concerned. Her way with words could have been handled a bit better as theres no way you and your friends are sluts and prostitutes. Maybe she can compromise in some way? perhaps you can stay out a bit later, you provide reassurances that you will stick with your friends and maybe a text in the evening to let her know you are on your way home to put her mind at rest. Fashion wise again compromise a little with your mum if you can.
men are significantly more likely than women to be victims of violent crime and most violent crimes are committed by men; heaps and heaps of statistics on this, just ask google. still, men generally ignore this and fail to keep men accountable. if anything get strangely defensive on the suggestion that men assaulting men is the real problem and focus on the minority of women who commit violent crimes against them. like, they don't care about men being assaulted; unless, of course, it's done by a woman. then suddenly reddit is lit up with omg women are so terrible...women are just as violent as men. when obviously the latter is not true. if it were true, there would be more reports on women assaulting other women.
this is in response to the first sentence in the op, 'society just lets guys do so much without batting an eyelid but as soon as a girl tries to do the same thing it's such a big deal'. also being told 'if i was a boy i'd be allowed out late at night' - even though statistically if you were a boy you'd be more likely to get your ass kicked.
if your son is more likely to get kicked on the street than your daughter, it would make sense to give him a strict curfew too, but men/women are too accepting of men being violent towards each other and in general, then blame women for getting caught in the crossfire (shouldn't have been there/provoked him with that skirt. boys will be boys). also perpetuates the rape myth that rape is something that happens to women by strange men; what husbands/boyfriends/friends do isn't 'real rape' and merely confusion. also interesting, historically if a girl/woman was raped it was seen as a crime not against her, but a crime against her father or husband because she was his property. mind you this probably still exists in some parts of the world.
this is not to belittle public violence against women. just saying too many are apathetic about reality.
(expanding on first para, see criminology theory double deviancy: society sees women who commit crimes as more deviant than men because not only is she a criminal, she's a 'bad' woman, breaking gender norms and all.)
this is in response to the first sentence in the op, 'society just lets guys do so much without batting an eyelid but as soon as a girl tries to do the same thing it's such a big deal'. also being told 'if i was a boy i'd be allowed out late at night' - even though statistically if you were a boy you'd be more likely to get your ass kicked.
if your son is more likely to get kicked on the street than your daughter, it would make sense to give him a strict curfew too, but men/women are too accepting of men being violent towards each other and in general, then blame women for getting caught in the crossfire (shouldn't have been there/provoked him with that skirt. boys will be boys). also perpetuates the rape myth that rape is something that happens to women by strange men; what husbands/boyfriends/friends do isn't 'real rape' and merely confusion. also interesting, historically if a girl/woman was raped it was seen as a crime not against her, but a crime against her father or husband because she was his property. mind you this probably still exists in some parts of the world.
this is not to belittle public violence against women. just saying too many are apathetic about reality.
(expanding on first para, see criminology theory double deviancy: society sees women who commit crimes as more deviant than men because not only is she a criminal, she's a 'bad' woman, breaking gender norms and all.)
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