Friend got Reported for sexual assault - what to do!?!
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Original post by Big white
That's not logical to me.... anyway if that happens there's never a true solution that'll bring the correct amount of justice.
Well it's hard to find the truth in rape cases so maybe there could be a solution that depends on women protecting themselves better at all times?
Well there's always that possibility so i guess we need to look further into detail of what could happen.
ok I'll read it
Well it's hard to find the truth in rape cases so maybe there could be a solution that depends on women protecting themselves better at all times?
Well there's always that possibility so i guess we need to look further into detail of what could happen.
ok I'll read it
The solution is teaching men (and women) not to rape, an then taking a harsh stance if they do. Rapists are to blame for rape, it is never the victim's fault for not being able to defend themselves.
Original post by Big white
x
How disgusting. You are asking why people feel shame at having been sexually assaulted, then you proceed to blame the victims - how ironic. I'll use the pronouns for females because of the OP. It is not 'most likely' they'd win the case at all. Not only that, but when a woman decides to go to trial, she'll have to face her attacker over and over again. She'll have to rehash the events and therefore can not truly move on until the trial has finished.
Let me explain how sexual assault is, because it's incredibly clear you've never been sexually assaulted against your will. Somebody you may or may not know thinks they have the right to take something from you. That thing is one of the most private and personal things you own. Imagine someone forcing their body on you when you do not want it - imagine someone touching you in places you didn't want them to touch you; putting things inside of you, kissing you, groping you. Imagine them attacking you whilst you can do nothing because it's not as easy as 'pushing someone off of you' and how dare you tell women they have an option - 'take it' or 'push them off' (often that is impossible to do). You clearly do not understand sexual assault. Imagine them leaving you feeling degraded - your body is no longer yours. Someone else has touched it and groped it. Someone else has treat your body like it's a toy to be used, not like you're a human with thoughts and feelings. You're left violated, stripped down of everything you once knew. You'll never be the same again - and it'll take you weeks or months to look at your body and not be disgusted; it'll take months for your body to feel like yours again; it'll take weeks for the bruises and damage to fade; it'll take months for you to stop feeling the grabbing over your body.
You've clearly never been sexually assaulted, so do not tell people what they should do. Sure, they should go get help but it's not always possible. Sexual assault is both a physical and emotional trauma and that will last, most often, for the rest of their lives. Sometimes it's just too painful to speak about at first; and if you've never experienced that level of pain then good for you. But don't try and tell other people how they should handle situations. And with the victim blaming culture we have ('did you say no though', 'oh look at her she clearly wanted it', 'you were wearing this' ), it makes it incredibly difficult for any girl to get help. If you don't believe in victim blaming then reread your post - you're saying victims are at fault for not reporting it instantly (despite the mental anguish they are going through), you're saying they are 'fools', and even going on to say how they should have acted in the situation. You even went so far as to say women should be better at protecting themselves! How absolutely dare you - as if women run around seeking this?! No. Women should NOT be better at protecting themselves; it is 100% the sexual assaulters fault - the woman has no inch of blame in sexual assaults. Not one bit. If you can't see that's disgusting behaviour, then there is absolutely no hope for you and you are simply a lost cause in becoming a decent human. Simple as.
In the end - you haven't experienced sexual assault? Then don't tell someone how they should react to sexual assault.
OP - We don't know exactly what your friend did. Support him for now, but be ready to admit he was wrong if it comes to light that he did do something to that girl.
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by simbasdragon
The solution is teaching men (and women) not to rape, an then taking a harsh stance if they do. Rapists are to blame for rape, it is never the victim's fault for not being able to defend themselves.
I agree but it unfortunately hasn't been implemented(for example i'd had men's dingly dongs cut off if they raped someone)
Rapists are to blame but to resolve the situation and bring about justice quicker the victim should open up earlier about the situation.
Original post by celloel
How disgusting. You are asking why people feel shame at having been sexually assaulted, then you proceed to blame the victims - how ironic. I'll use the pronouns for females because of the OP. It is not 'most likely' they'd win the case at all. Not only that, but when a woman decides to go to trial, she'll have to face her attacker over and over again. She'll have to rehash the events and therefore can not truly move on until the trial has finished.
Let me explain how sexual assault is, because it's incredibly clear you've never been sexually assaulted against your will. Somebody you may or may not know thinks they have the right to take something from you. That thing is one of the most private and personal things you own. Imagine someone forcing their body on you when you do not want it - imagine someone touching you in places you didn't want them to touch you; putting things inside of you, kissing you, groping you. Imagine them attacking you whilst you can do nothing because it's not as easy as 'pushing someone off of you' and how dare you tell women they have an option - 'take it' or 'push them off' (often that is impossible to do). You clearly do not understand sexual assault. Imagine them leaving you feeling degraded - your body is no longer yours. Someone else has touched it and groped it. Someone else has treat your body like it's a toy to be used, not like you're a human with thoughts and feelings. You're left violated, stripped down of everything you once knew. You'll never be the same again - and it'll take you weeks or months to look at your body and not be disgusted; it'll take months for your body to feel like yours again; it'll take weeks for the bruises and damage to fade; it'll take months for you to stop feeling the grabbing over your body.
You've clearly never been sexually assaulted, so do not tell people what they should do. Sure, they should go get help but it's not always possible. Sexual assault is both a physical and emotional trauma and that will last, most often, for the rest of their lives. Sometimes it's just too painful to speak about at first; and if you've never experienced that level of pain then good for you. But don't try and tell other people how they should handle situations. And with the victim blaming culture we have ('did you say no though', 'oh look at her she clearly wanted it', 'you were wearing this' ), it makes it incredibly difficult for any girl to get help. If you don't believe in victim blaming then reread your post - you're saying victims are at fault for not reporting it instantly (despite the mental anguish they are going through), you're saying they are 'fools', and even going on to say how they should have acted in the situation. You even went so far as to say women should be better at protecting themselves! How absolutely dare you - as if women run around seeking this?! No. Women should NOT be better at protecting themselves; it is 100% the sexual assaulters fault - the woman has no inch of blame in sexual assaults. Not one bit. If you can't see that's disgusting behaviour, then there is absolutely no hope for you and you are simply a lost cause in becoming a decent human. Simple as.
In the end - you haven't experienced sexual assault? Then don't tell someone how they should react to sexual assault.
OP - We don't know exactly what your friend did. Support him for now, but be ready to admit he was wrong if it comes to light that he did do something to that girl.
Let me explain how sexual assault is, because it's incredibly clear you've never been sexually assaulted against your will. Somebody you may or may not know thinks they have the right to take something from you. That thing is one of the most private and personal things you own. Imagine someone forcing their body on you when you do not want it - imagine someone touching you in places you didn't want them to touch you; putting things inside of you, kissing you, groping you. Imagine them attacking you whilst you can do nothing because it's not as easy as 'pushing someone off of you' and how dare you tell women they have an option - 'take it' or 'push them off' (often that is impossible to do). You clearly do not understand sexual assault. Imagine them leaving you feeling degraded - your body is no longer yours. Someone else has touched it and groped it. Someone else has treat your body like it's a toy to be used, not like you're a human with thoughts and feelings. You're left violated, stripped down of everything you once knew. You'll never be the same again - and it'll take you weeks or months to look at your body and not be disgusted; it'll take months for your body to feel like yours again; it'll take weeks for the bruises and damage to fade; it'll take months for you to stop feeling the grabbing over your body.
You've clearly never been sexually assaulted, so do not tell people what they should do. Sure, they should go get help but it's not always possible. Sexual assault is both a physical and emotional trauma and that will last, most often, for the rest of their lives. Sometimes it's just too painful to speak about at first; and if you've never experienced that level of pain then good for you. But don't try and tell other people how they should handle situations. And with the victim blaming culture we have ('did you say no though', 'oh look at her she clearly wanted it', 'you were wearing this' ), it makes it incredibly difficult for any girl to get help. If you don't believe in victim blaming then reread your post - you're saying victims are at fault for not reporting it instantly (despite the mental anguish they are going through), you're saying they are 'fools', and even going on to say how they should have acted in the situation. You even went so far as to say women should be better at protecting themselves! How absolutely dare you - as if women run around seeking this?! No. Women should NOT be better at protecting themselves; it is 100% the sexual assaulters fault - the woman has no inch of blame in sexual assaults. Not one bit. If you can't see that's disgusting behaviour, then there is absolutely no hope for you and you are simply a lost cause in becoming a decent human. Simple as.
In the end - you haven't experienced sexual assault? Then don't tell someone how they should react to sexual assault.
OP - We don't know exactly what your friend did. Support him for now, but be ready to admit he was wrong if it comes to light that he did do something to that girl.
You can say that about anyone who's been raped.
They do have an option, all i ask is for the victim not to take the option to do nothing. Victims are people like you and I and we are humans, we have mouths we can speak, or even a small sign that you don't want this to happen such as some resistance or something. If you're paralysed by fear or for some reason you're unable to do anything, it then becomes hard to defend yourself because although you may have had thoughts you didn't show any action at all which then in rape cases makes the solution and actual truth much harder to find.
I don't accept your point of you've never experienced it so you can't tell people what they should do. Within your brackets you has said that the victim must say something and that "she clearly wanted it". I strongly disagree with you because any sign that they don;t want to have that contact can be used to show that the victim didn't want to be raped and that "she wanted it" is a silly pathetic excuse for losers who think they can get away with some sort of weak argument like that. Yes i admit i worded it wrong and it came across in the wrong sense but what i see as useful and to get the right outcome to punish the wrong and help the right, action must be taken as soon as possible to help with this, leaving it for a few years makes things more difficult to judge and get the true outcome. Please c'mon use your brain, x has happened so we need to take measures to prevent it happening in the future, we have fire extinguishers around schools but they're barely used, but we know fires can happen so they're there to provide protection if need be. What you're telling me here is that women shouldn't ever need to bring protection in case they're raped which is silly. Correct she's not to blame for rape happening to her but we can take measures against this to prevent it from happening again, or at the very least reduce the number of rapes happening. (own opinion here) I can see my point here and i can understand your point here but i'm playing devil's advocate here to provoke some responses otherwise everyone here would say yes it wrong like yourself and that would be /thread which of course isn't great discussion. I am a decent human being and i have many view points on matters that i do have an opinion on however i prefer to play the "wrong" side to generate some opinion from other people. I mean it is very easy for me just to be a sheep and agree along with anyone else but for sake of discussion it's devil's advocate for me.
Back to this point again "I don't accept your point of you've never experienced it so you can't tell people what they should do"
Original post by Big white
Back to this point again "I don't accept your point of you've never experienced it so you can't tell people what they should do"
Back to this point again "I don't accept your point of you've never experienced it so you can't tell people what they should do"
I'm not even going to reply to the rest of your comment: just this one. If you've never experienced sexual assault (which, from how you are saying people should act, shows me you definitely have not) then no - you cannot tell people what they should do. As you have not experienced it you do not know how they feel or what it is like to be violated on such a scale, and so you can never know why they do or don't come forward - and it is not up to you to decide whether their decision was right and wrong.
It's that simple.
Original post by celloel
I'm not even going to reply to the rest of your comment: just this one. If you've never experienced sexual assault (which, from how you are saying people should act, shows me you definitely have not) then no - you cannot tell people what they should do. As you have not experienced it you do not know how they feel or what it is like to be violated on such a scale, and so you can never know why they do or don't come forward - and it is not up to you to decide whether their decision was right and wrong.
It's that simple.
It's that simple.
So you're telling me i can't speak on things which i've not experienced before?
If you give your friend one piece of advice it should be don't talk to the police, under any circumstances. Your answers should be " no comment" and only" no comment"
If the police think you are innocent ' no comment" won't change that. If you are innocent and they think you are guilty there is no way you will change their mind and may well provide written evidence that shows you in a bad light and talk yourself into all sorts of trouble.
There is a brilliant YT piece on it by an American defence lawyer. I can't link on my phone but it is called "Never talk to the police" Well worth watching.
The again if he is guilty tell him to fess up and give her closure
If the police think you are innocent ' no comment" won't change that. If you are innocent and they think you are guilty there is no way you will change their mind and may well provide written evidence that shows you in a bad light and talk yourself into all sorts of trouble.
There is a brilliant YT piece on it by an American defence lawyer. I can't link on my phone but it is called "Never talk to the police" Well worth watching.
The again if he is guilty tell him to fess up and give her closure
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by caravaggio2
If you give your friend one piece of advice it should be don't talk to the police, under any circumstances. Your answers should be " no comment" and only" no comment"
If the police think you are innocent ' no comment" won't change that. If you are innocent and they think you are guilty there is no way you will change their mind and may well provide written evidence that shows you in a bad light and talk yourself into all sorts of trouble.
There is a brilliant YT piece on it by an American defence lawyer. I can't link on my phone but it is called "Never talk to the police" Well worth watching.
The again if he is guilty tell him to fess up and give her closure
If the police think you are innocent ' no comment" won't change that. If you are innocent and they think you are guilty there is no way you will change their mind and may well provide written evidence that shows you in a bad light and talk yourself into all sorts of trouble.
There is a brilliant YT piece on it by an American defence lawyer. I can't link on my phone but it is called "Never talk to the police" Well worth watching.
The again if he is guilty tell him to fess up and give her closure
This isn't the US, though.
Original post by 999tigger
This isn't the US, though.
It's still fairly similar, but for specific UK details check here:
https://www.gov.uk/arrested-your-rights/when-youre-arrested
Original post by Kurogane
It's still fairly similar, but for specific UK details check here:
https://www.gov.uk/arrested-your-rights/when-youre-arrested
https://www.gov.uk/arrested-your-rights/when-youre-arrested
Similar isnt the same. In this situation he should get himself a solicitor to protect his interests. If his only answer is no comment, then the court will make its own mind up about the silence.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Au4_EdPwTkE
Here it is. you are correct that it is American and we cant plead the 5th but you do have the right to remain silent. Either way it is quite funny and very entertaining as the lawyer is somewhat of a showman.
I'm sorry you are correct of course he should get himself a solicitor, I assumed that is a given, but people do have a habit of talking themselves into trouble before one arrives, or even after.
Here it is. you are correct that it is American and we cant plead the 5th but you do have the right to remain silent. Either way it is quite funny and very entertaining as the lawyer is somewhat of a showman.
I'm sorry you are correct of course he should get himself a solicitor, I assumed that is a given, but people do have a habit of talking themselves into trouble before one arrives, or even after.
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by simbasdragon
This is research carried out by the university of Sussex: http://www.surrey.ac.uk/mediacentre/press/2009/16532_between_7090_rapes_thought_to_go_unreported_and_94_of_reported_cases_dont_end_in_a_conviction.htm
Evidence is gathered from the amout of confessions to rape charities and other councelling services, alongside surveying large amounts of people.
Others put it at 68% like https://rainn.org/statistics/criminal-justice-system
But according to this research 98% of rapists don't spend a day in jail.
Evidence is gathered from the amout of confessions to rape charities and other councelling services, alongside surveying large amounts of people.
Others put it at 68% like https://rainn.org/statistics/criminal-justice-system
But according to this research 98% of rapists don't spend a day in jail.
Well ok they did report the rape, to a charity or a counseling` service
Original post by ahha
One of my friends at Medical School was contacted by the Police, asking him to attend the Police Station. If he comes alone, he will be detained for 12 hours, so he was advised to come with a lawyer.
3 years ago, he went home with this girl after a night out. Neither of them were particularly drunk, as me and other friends were there too at the club! They walked to her place and kissed and touched, but no sex happened. He had told me this the next day, 3 years ago,
Now, after 3 years, yesterday, the girl reported him for Sexual Assault! We are all shocked and worried what this means and what can happen, especially when he definitely didn't do anything wrong!
What would be the right thing to do here?
We contacted few lawyers and all of them talk around the lines of "this happened 3 years ago, there's no proof anyway, so it won't lead to anything. so when police ask anything, keep saying NO COMMENTS". We don't know what is the right thing to do. Are the lawyers lying? Or is that how it is?
If you or anyone who's been through this, please help us! I'm really worried about him!
3 years ago, he went home with this girl after a night out. Neither of them were particularly drunk, as me and other friends were there too at the club! They walked to her place and kissed and touched, but no sex happened. He had told me this the next day, 3 years ago,
Now, after 3 years, yesterday, the girl reported him for Sexual Assault! We are all shocked and worried what this means and what can happen, especially when he definitely didn't do anything wrong!
What would be the right thing to do here?
We contacted few lawyers and all of them talk around the lines of "this happened 3 years ago, there's no proof anyway, so it won't lead to anything. so when police ask anything, keep saying NO COMMENTS". We don't know what is the right thing to do. Are the lawyers lying? Or is that how it is?
If you or anyone who's been through this, please help us! I'm really worried about him!
So on a matter of law you're going to value the opinions of a random section of society over the opinion of lawyers?
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Original post by AperfectBalance
Well ok they did report the rape, to a charity or a counseling` service
But they didn't to the police, which is what matters.
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