Diamonddust, sorry I didn't get back to you earlier.
My weight is inexplicably 96lb now, having not weighed yesterday for fear of further water weight fluctuations. My mind is incredibly conflicted and today is weigh-in day at the clinic.
I have to admit, there's something truly bizarre about how anxious I get when I get weighed at the clinic and it's like 3lb more than when I weigh at home - I keep telling myself "Erm, remember jeans etc WEIGH SOMETHING TOO!" as I weigh myself in my boxers when I'm at home, but when she's like "Oh, seven stone one!" when I read six stone thirteen or whatever just a few hours earlier, I don't know why I get so disheartened. It's illogical but it's clearly just another mental tick clinging onto my brain.
Reading the posts since yesterday it's clear there are a lot more people than I'd assumed, having massive issues with dysmorphia, food, and compulsions thereof.
One thing that's a common theme however is that it all seems to be about control, and the problems that arise when there's a lack of it. But like I said before, the thing you have to drill into your mind is that there's no *real* control there, with an ED. It's like one of those dogs chained to a post in the garden. The illusion of freedom is there; you can get up and run around the garden, but try to get beyond the length of that choke chain and you're stopped completely in your tracks, and all you can do is accept the inevitability that the chain tightens the more you try to pull away, and it gets more comfortable the closer you are to the centre of the garden* (*your disorder).