Sometimes I feel like life is pointless...
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Sorry to hear you feel like crap a lot of the time OP; I have to say, it sounds like textbook depression, and I do recommend you talk to people like your parents and GP about it.
I'm sorry to hear about those past friends of yours too; if they don't care to include or hang out with you anymore, that's their problem, not yours. I know it can be tough and you might not feel like it, but maybe try talking to some more people at college in your classes and other events etc., all it takes is saying hi to someone and asking them a question to strike up a conversation and you never know who you might meet. Also do you do any activities or extracurriculars, in or out of school? I know it's clichéd but they're genuinely great ways to meet people (I met my ex through tennis for instance, who went to a different school, and ended up making friends with a bunch of her friends, even when I didn't really have any proper friends at school when I was redoing Y13). Either way, you won't be at school forever (sixth form flies by!) and you'll make some great friends afterwards I'm sure.
Maybe look at local meetup groups in your area for an activity or something you might be interested in? (In sixth form one of my mates made a Pokemon Go! meetup group for our town when the game came out, and it unexpectedly blew up lol, it's still active to this day... he also met a lot of people through Geocaching).
I know you might be afraid of upsetting your family if you tell them how you feel, I've been there also, but it really is best to be honest with them and tell them; it may upset them a bit in the short term but both them and yourself will be much happier in the long run if you communicate honestly with them and they can aid and see you recovering and your mental health improving, than if you keep it a secret from them and leave them in the dark. Think about it from your parent's position, you'd want to know how your kid is feeling and yeah it might suck to hear they're depressed or whatever, but you'd be much happier they were honest with you and you saw them recovering, than if they kept it hidden from you (which'd make you feel like they felt they couldn't come to you about it). Often parents can suspect more than you think and they'd be more upset if they discovered/realised you were hiding it from them, or if they realised you'd been keeping it secret for an even longer time. Anyway, just food for thought and my recommendation. No good comes of keeping secrets and telling white lies etc.
I very much doubt you're too shy and unattractive to find a husband haha, that's just the *****y thoughts talking. Shyness can be overcome - I used to be *incredibly* shy, and - granted, I'm still quite shy haha, but I've gotten a lot better and can do things now I wouldn't have dreamed of doing years ago. Also, attractiveness can be improved and is based on so many factors (mostly factors within your control), plus it's completely subjective and relative and while you might not find yourself attractive, I can assure you there are great guys out there who do. But again, chances are you're much better than you're giving yourself credit for. Don't worry about that too much now anyway, unless you're planning on finding a husband soon which I don't recommend while you're in sixth form. 
While I'm not religious myself it's great that you have a good relationship with God and gain strength from him; are you a member of a church? I think a church community could definitely help you out.
Positive habits can make a significant difference also. Are you getting a good night's sleep, eating well, doing some exercise etc.? I don't mean to sound like a parent haha and I know they're basic things (which are easy to let slip when you're depressed unfortunately), but they can help keep the depression at bay and make it easier to manage things; also having some kind of routine or schedule, even if rough, can make it easier to stay on track especially when you're depressed (where again it can be easy to let things slip). Finally self care is important; don't overwork yourself, try to be kind to yourself and do things you still enjoy and that are good for you, you deserve love and care just like anyone else (and sometimes you gotta give it to yourself!).
But yeah, the whole feeling like everything is pointless thing and not enjoying things you used to enjoy, sounds just like depression I'm afraid. And while trying to think positively etc. (if you can!) can help in the short term it won't cure depression... so please talk to some people about this and maybe see a GP, cause you deserve to feel much better.
You will get to the point where you enjoy hot showers and Family Guy (which is what I often used to do after work on a Saturday night ) again haha.
I'm sorry to hear about those past friends of yours too; if they don't care to include or hang out with you anymore, that's their problem, not yours. I know it can be tough and you might not feel like it, but maybe try talking to some more people at college in your classes and other events etc., all it takes is saying hi to someone and asking them a question to strike up a conversation and you never know who you might meet. Also do you do any activities or extracurriculars, in or out of school? I know it's clichéd but they're genuinely great ways to meet people (I met my ex through tennis for instance, who went to a different school, and ended up making friends with a bunch of her friends, even when I didn't really have any proper friends at school when I was redoing Y13). Either way, you won't be at school forever (sixth form flies by!) and you'll make some great friends afterwards I'm sure.
Maybe look at local meetup groups in your area for an activity or something you might be interested in? (In sixth form one of my mates made a Pokemon Go! meetup group for our town when the game came out, and it unexpectedly blew up lol, it's still active to this day... he also met a lot of people through Geocaching).I know you might be afraid of upsetting your family if you tell them how you feel, I've been there also, but it really is best to be honest with them and tell them; it may upset them a bit in the short term but both them and yourself will be much happier in the long run if you communicate honestly with them and they can aid and see you recovering and your mental health improving, than if you keep it a secret from them and leave them in the dark. Think about it from your parent's position, you'd want to know how your kid is feeling and yeah it might suck to hear they're depressed or whatever, but you'd be much happier they were honest with you and you saw them recovering, than if they kept it hidden from you (which'd make you feel like they felt they couldn't come to you about it). Often parents can suspect more than you think and they'd be more upset if they discovered/realised you were hiding it from them, or if they realised you'd been keeping it secret for an even longer time. Anyway, just food for thought and my recommendation.
No good comes of keeping secrets and telling white lies etc.I very much doubt you're too shy and unattractive to find a husband haha, that's just the *****y thoughts talking. Shyness can be overcome - I used to be *incredibly* shy, and - granted, I'm still quite shy haha, but I've gotten a lot better and can do things now I wouldn't have dreamed of doing years ago. Also, attractiveness can be improved and is based on so many factors (mostly factors within your control), plus it's completely subjective and relative and while you might not find yourself attractive, I can assure you there are great guys out there who do. But again, chances are you're much better than you're giving yourself credit for.
Don't worry about that too much now anyway, unless you're planning on finding a husband soon which I don't recommend while you're in sixth form. While I'm not religious myself it's great that you have a good relationship with God and gain strength from him; are you a member of a church? I think a church community could definitely help you out.
Positive habits can make a significant difference also. Are you getting a good night's sleep, eating well, doing some exercise etc.? I don't mean to sound like a parent haha and I know they're basic things (which are easy to let slip when you're depressed unfortunately), but they can help keep the depression at bay and make it easier to manage things; also having some kind of routine or schedule, even if rough, can make it easier to stay on track especially when you're depressed (where again it can be easy to let things slip). Finally self care is important; don't overwork yourself, try to be kind to yourself and do things you still enjoy and that are good for you, you deserve love and care just like anyone else (and sometimes you gotta give it to yourself!).
But yeah, the whole feeling like everything is pointless thing and not enjoying things you used to enjoy, sounds just like depression I'm afraid. And while trying to think positively etc. (if you can!) can help in the short term it won't cure depression... so please talk to some people about this and maybe see a GP, cause you deserve to feel much better.
You will get to the point where you enjoy hot showers and Family Guy (which is what I often used to do after work on a Saturday night ) again haha.(edited 5 years ago)
