Hey
I've never posted in this thread before although I must admit I have been lurking for a few weeks...
I just feel like I need to get this out, I hope it's alright for me to post this here.
I think need to book myself a doctor's appointment now I'm off college for the summer holidays because I've been feeling like absolute s*** for too long and I can't deal with it much longer. I don't always get suicidal but there are times when I feel like I can't take everything and don't imagine myself having a future.
I get myself so worked up over the smallest things (for example getting junk emails to the email account that I rarely give out) and I make myself worry to the point that I feel physically sick and my body becomes all skew whiff and I end up dashing to the toilet... sorry if tmi.
I end up having arguments with my parents at least once a week, although I have done for years and years and years. My behaviour has never really improved, however last year and earlier this year I used to go on crazy episodes and kick everything around me and scream and end up sitting in the middle of the floor crying my eyes out, but I don't any more. I just end up sulking to my room and (still) crying my eyes out whilst my parents are more than likely sat in the lounge bitching about how much of a cow I am.
My parents always tell me "you can change your behaviour" however if I could, I wouldn't still be behaving the way that I am.
I have been open with them about me feeling low in the past and I have mentioned that I've felt suicidal (although never tried anything) but they haven't made any attempt to get me help, with my behaviour or regards to how I'm feeling.
...I'm really sorry for rambling, I didn't want to post too much, I would put this under a spoiler but I'm not that sure how to on my phone.
Thank you for reading this if you have, I really appreciate it.
If I can help anyone or if anyone just wants someone to talk to, I'm always here.
So to sum that up... I think a trip to the doctors is in order, I don't know what to expect but I just feel like I need to tell someone how I'm feeling...
Thank you.
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