I think my boyfriend is depressed and I can't deal with him anymore?
I thought it would be better to post here than romantic relationships because everyone just tells me to dump him.
I seriously think my boyfriend is clinically depressed. I can identify his depressive episodes because he slowly starts to withdraw from communicating with me (we are in an ldr anyway) and he will become so distant from me without a good reason.
This usually ends up in me nagging him about what's wrong, he will say 'nothing' etc and then I'll eventually get out of him that he is 'confused about everything' (job etc) and also during these periods he gets 'confused about us'. He says he loves me 'sometimes'.
He also turns into such a selfish person (his depressive episodes are the times where I genuinely need lots of support, when I was in hospital for a week, when I have exams etc).
He's really blunt with me he says the things he's supposed to say but I know there isn't any meaning.
He admitted to me at new year that he feels emotionless and that he doesn't care about me as much as he should.
I feel like i am clinging on to nothing. We've been together almost 2 years now, so its a lot to throw away but I feel like he now gives nothing to the relationship.
I told him yesterday I want a 2 week break and I am planning to discuss it with him after my exams finish
But I have no idea what to do or say? I mean I HATE how he behaves but if it's depression then surely he can't help this.
Help TSR.
I seriously think my boyfriend is clinically depressed. I can identify his depressive episodes because he slowly starts to withdraw from communicating with me (we are in an ldr anyway) and he will become so distant from me without a good reason.
This usually ends up in me nagging him about what's wrong, he will say 'nothing' etc and then I'll eventually get out of him that he is 'confused about everything' (job etc) and also during these periods he gets 'confused about us'. He says he loves me 'sometimes'.
He also turns into such a selfish person (his depressive episodes are the times where I genuinely need lots of support, when I was in hospital for a week, when I have exams etc).
He's really blunt with me he says the things he's supposed to say but I know there isn't any meaning.
He admitted to me at new year that he feels emotionless and that he doesn't care about me as much as he should.
I feel like i am clinging on to nothing. We've been together almost 2 years now, so its a lot to throw away but I feel like he now gives nothing to the relationship.
I told him yesterday I want a 2 week break and I am planning to discuss it with him after my exams finish
But I have no idea what to do or say? I mean I HATE how he behaves but if it's depression then surely he can't help this.
Help TSR.
Have you discussed with him the possibility of him seeking medical help for the depression? There are lots of things you can do to manage depression - counselling might help him, and a doctor would be able to point him in the right direction to get the help that it sounds like he needs.
Original post by Feefifofum
Have you discussed with him the possibility of him seeking medical help for the depression? There are lots of things you can do to manage depression - counselling might help him, and a doctor would be able to point him in the right direction to get the help that it sounds like he needs.
^ This.
Sometimes people with depression find it extremely hard to open up and talk about it, same with seeking help. In his own mind he might be thinking it's a sign of weakness or failure. Perhaps sitting down and talking to him about it, saying you've noticed these patterns with his behaviour and emotions and that as your his partner it concerns you see him like this. Try not to be too oppressive or blunt with your approach, a little nudge towards seeking some help may be the best thing.
i had severe recurrent clinical depression for years . .
i cant speak for your boyfriend ,but i also often withdrawn from other people . and i could appear as selfish and dont think about other people while in fact it is due to my low esteem and depression . i do not want to tell my family whats wrong because i felt i would upset them ,at time i feel like i am a burden and i wanted to let them go.I still Love my family and friends a lot . and nothing can ever change it even if i dont appear to do so .
In the same theory , i think your boyfriend still love you even if he dont care about u as much due to depression .
it is a good idea to seek medical help as it might keep deteriorate ,anti depressent often help alot . and it could improved his behaviour and in a sense improve your relationship right now .
after all , 2 years is not a short time ,All relationship have their up and down . love is not only about those happy time ,it is also about supporting and accepting . i know it is a tough time for the 2 of you right now , but i am sure you can work something out between the 2 of you if you try hard enough .
However . If you feel like you cant cope or it is too stressful for you to manage , it might be best to take a break and give yourself a bit of time off . you could also seek help from helpline and theres many support group for people and their family who deal with mental illness .
good luck , take care , All the best .
i cant speak for your boyfriend ,but i also often withdrawn from other people . and i could appear as selfish and dont think about other people while in fact it is due to my low esteem and depression . i do not want to tell my family whats wrong because i felt i would upset them ,at time i feel like i am a burden and i wanted to let them go.I still Love my family and friends a lot . and nothing can ever change it even if i dont appear to do so .
In the same theory , i think your boyfriend still love you even if he dont care about u as much due to depression .
it is a good idea to seek medical help as it might keep deteriorate ,anti depressent often help alot . and it could improved his behaviour and in a sense improve your relationship right now .
after all , 2 years is not a short time ,All relationship have their up and down . love is not only about those happy time ,it is also about supporting and accepting . i know it is a tough time for the 2 of you right now , but i am sure you can work something out between the 2 of you if you try hard enough .
However . If you feel like you cant cope or it is too stressful for you to manage , it might be best to take a break and give yourself a bit of time off . you could also seek help from helpline and theres many support group for people and their family who deal with mental illness .
good luck , take care , All the best .
Don't ignore the fact that you think he has depression, you need to do something about it 
as previous people have said, sit down with him and tell him what you've been noticing with regard to the patterns and stuff. But be very gentle as this is going to be hard for him. Suggest going to the doctors. Are you on good terms with his family? Tell them too.
as previous people have said, sit down with him and tell him what you've been noticing with regard to the patterns and stuff. But be very gentle as this is going to be hard for him. Suggest going to the doctors. Are you on good terms with his family? Tell them too.Had a similar situation myself earlier on this year, had been seeing a guy for just over a year who suffered from on and off depression. He seemed to be very withdrawn sometimes, a bit stand offish and didn't seemed to care enough. He'd ring me in the middle of the night to come over because he needed someone to be there and I'd go over, it seemed like unless he needed me he didn't want me if that makes sense. I loved him to bits but in the end I just gave up. Which I regret. Talk to him about it, be there for him and maybe seek medical advice, a lot of things can be controlled with medication if properly diagnosed. Proper diagnosis may lead him to feel more rational and less alienated about how he feels.
Talk to him about it, let him know that you love him but that you feel like he's pushing you away, if he knows how he's making you feel it might lead him to taking some action.
Talk to him about it, let him know that you love him but that you feel like he's pushing you away, if he knows how he's making you feel it might lead him to taking some action.
I'm in the same position. I don't know how to help him anymore. It hurts because I love him so much. But he is always so low. I cant remember the last time we had a good time. I feel empty thinking of all the pain he has gone through. But I cant help him either
