Agoraphobia and uni
Pretty simple. I've gone out of my house a handful of times in the last year, each time nearly unbearable. I'm acutely self-conscious about my appearance. It's got to the point that I keep my curtains closed in my house because I'm suspicious of people seeing me from other houses. I'm going to a uni a hundred miles away on Sunday, and I'm terrified. I don't know how I'll possibly cope. More generally I'm severely depressed and have anxiety/paranoia. My self-esteem is nil. I live alone and have no family or friends to support me. What the hell am I going to do?
Why on earth did you decide to go to uni when you are clearly not fit to?
Original post by Betelgeuse-
Why on earth did you decide to go to uni when you are clearly not fit to?
Not very helpful advice. People go to university to challenge themselves and bring themselves out of a hole, and they're not always 100% well when they decide to do it. Or they think they're making progress when they apply and then suffer a setback.
To the OP, I really don't know what to say. I wish I could offer some useful advice, but I was in a similar position when I first started university and I was fine at first but then ended up coming out so I can't really say 'everything will be fine and rosy!'. Have you considered trying an open university course, or a course/support group close to home where you can go this year to start socialising again and maybe deferring entry to your course for a year? Other than that, I would get in touch with the university's disability service and ask whether they can offer any help of advice.
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by e hine e
To the OP, I really don't know what to say. I wish I could offer some useful advice, but I was in a similar position when I first started university and I was fine at first but then ended up coming out so I can't really say 'everything will be fine and rosy!'.
Me too. This sounds so much like me circa second term of first year. And second year.
Original post by e hine e
Not very helpful advice. People go to university to challenge themselves and bring themselves out of a whole, and they're not always 100% well when they decide to do it. Or they think they're making progress when they apply and then suffer a setback.
To the OP, I really don't know what to say. I wish I could offer some useful advice, but I was in a similar position when I first started university and I was fine at first but then ended up coming out so I can't really say 'everything will be fine and rosy!'. Have you considered trying an open university course, or a course/support group close to home where you can go this year to start socialising again and maybe deferring entry to your course for a year? Other than that, I would get in touch with the university's disability service and ask whether they can offer any help of advice.
To the OP, I really don't know what to say. I wish I could offer some useful advice, but I was in a similar position when I first started university and I was fine at first but then ended up coming out so I can't really say 'everything will be fine and rosy!'. Have you considered trying an open university course, or a course/support group close to home where you can go this year to start socialising again and maybe deferring entry to your course for a year? Other than that, I would get in touch with the university's disability service and ask whether they can offer any help of advice.
Its not advice, it was a question. It seems incredibly naive to go to University when struggling like that. I can understand if the person thought they had made progress only to regress when starting however
Original post by Betelgeuse-
Its not advice, it was a question. It seems incredibly naive to go to University when struggling like that. I can understand if the person thought they had made progress only to regress when starting however
A lot of trying to recover from agoraphobia/anxiety/depression or any mental illness is having hope that things will get better. In order to have hope, you have to have goals. Sometimes we may overshoot those goals and have to take a step back, but if we never shoot for them what do we do? I've learnt a lot from my first time at university, I've been through hard times now and I know more about pacing myself although you're never wholly sure whether you're trying to do too much or doing the one thing that will finally help you recover.
Anyway, I don't want to hijack the OP's thread with this discussion. I just found your question out of place with respect to what they were asking (as someone who's been in their position before).
Original post by Betelgeuse-
Why on earth did you decide to go to uni when you are clearly not fit to?
This is defeatist. I'm not going to become fit to do things if I avoid them. I also have ambitions and cannot fulfil them without a university education at a place of the standard I'm going. I believe I can overcome my problems but I was looking for support and advice for coping in the transition and having the courage to walk around the uni until the counselling I'm going to take advantage of starts to take effect. I should have made this clearer, sorry.
Original post by e hine e
To the OP, I really don't know what to say. I wish I could offer some useful advice, but I was in a similar position when I first started university and I was fine at first but then ended up coming out so I can't really say 'everything will be fine and rosy!'. Have you considered trying an open university course, or a course/support group close to home where you can go this year to start socialising again and maybe deferring entry to your course for a year? Other than that, I would get in touch with the university's disability service and ask whether they can offer any help of advice.
Thanks. Well I've already spent a lot of time dithering and I've got into somewhere that, if I achieved well, would give me good prospects, so I don't want to surrender all of that because of these demons. Yeah, I was hoping to be able to talk to someone there. I'm not sure if their professionals though. It's meds or nothing with the NHS, I've found, and I don't think those are for me.
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Original post by Anonymous
This is defeatist. I'm not going to become fit to do things if I avoid them. I also have ambitions and cannot fulfil them without a university education at a place of the standard I'm going. I believe I can overcome my problems but I was looking for support and advice for coping in the transition and having the courage to walk around the uni until the counselling I'm going to take advantage of starts to take effect. I should have made this clearer, sorry.
Thanks. Well I've already spent a lot of time dithering and I've got into somewhere that, if I achieved well, would give me good prospects, so I don't want to surrender all of that because of these demons. Yeah, I was hoping to be able to talk to someone there. I'm not sure if their professionals though. It's meds or nothing with the NHS, I've found, and I don't think those are for me.
Thanks. Well I've already spent a lot of time dithering and I've got into somewhere that, if I achieved well, would give me good prospects, so I don't want to surrender all of that because of these demons. Yeah, I was hoping to be able to talk to someone there. I'm not sure if their professionals though. It's meds or nothing with the NHS, I've found, and I don't think those are for me.
If you speak to the disability advisers they should help you with practical things, especially if you can fill in an application for DSA. I was told I could get help with transport to and from lectures if I needed it, as well as a mentor or note taker to help me when I couldn't focus in lectures or had to leave for any reason. I've also rejected meds, I think the most help I've got is from a book by Claire Weekes (called Self Help for the Nerves, the title sounds a bit scary but it's just an oldish book-it talks a lot about agoraphobia and learning to live with it). And basically over time and challenging myself, and really trying to believe that nothing will happen when I'm outside/surrounded by others, has been the best method of recovery.
Original post by Anonymous
This is defeatist. I'm not going to become fit to do things if I avoid them. I also have ambitions and cannot fulfil them without a university education at a place of the standard I'm going. I believe I can overcome my problems but I was looking for support and advice for coping in the transition and having the courage to walk around the uni until the counselling I'm going to take advantage of starts to take effect. I should have made this clearer, sorry.
Thanks. Well I've already spent a lot of time dithering and I've got into somewhere that, if I achieved well, would give me good prospects, so I don't want to surrender all of that because of these demons. Yeah, I was hoping to be able to talk to someone there. I'm not sure if their professionals though. It's meds or nothing with the NHS, I've found, and I don't think those are for me.
Thanks. Well I've already spent a lot of time dithering and I've got into somewhere that, if I achieved well, would give me good prospects, so I don't want to surrender all of that because of these demons. Yeah, I was hoping to be able to talk to someone there. I'm not sure if their professionals though. It's meds or nothing with the NHS, I've found, and I don't think those are for me.
Give it your best shot, if it begins to get you down seek help, there is nothing new under the sun so without doubt they will have come across others suffering the same as yourself. If you can make a good friend or two life will be so much easier for you, try to focus on the things you do well whether it be coursework or maybe in the kitchen and take one day at a time. Almost everyone is apprehensive and understandably so and who knows you maybe able to help someone else in another way, a bit of give and take will go a long way. Best of luck will keep my fingers crossed for you.
oh wow OP 
I'm sorry you've been struggling like this, it sounds horrific. I completely understand that you want to push yourself in order to achieve your goals, but at this stage it doesn't really sound as though going 100 miles away to university is a great idea? I don't want to be condescending but if you've only left your house a few times this year, and get severe anxiety when you do so, it sounds like maybe you need to start with smaller steps before committing yourself to such a huge endeavour. While I think it's great that you're so full of hope and ambition (I struggle with anxiety too, and for me these things are hard to hang onto), there's really no rush so maybe you'd be better off deferring for a year and working on getting yourself healthy at home in a safe and stable environment? I just worry that if you got to uni you would freak out and be unable to cope and end up dropping out with your confidence severely knocked. I say this because there have been many times I've committed myself to a job/work placement/class etc that I knew I wasn't ready for, and ended up having a panic attack and dropping out feeling worse than if I'd never tried. To me it sounds as though you need some more time to focus on yourself and getting into a healthier state of mind before you move to uni.
Also I'm curious as to why you're against medication-- I've been on citalopram for over a year now and I can't express enough how amazing it has been. Before I could barely leave the house, couldn't make eye contact, stuttered when I spoke, and now I can function like anyone else and things have improved so much, even if I'm not 100% yet. Honestly, you have a mental illness, and there's nothing wrong with treating it with medication, the same as you would any other illness.
I'm sorry you've been struggling like this, it sounds horrific. I completely understand that you want to push yourself in order to achieve your goals, but at this stage it doesn't really sound as though going 100 miles away to university is a great idea? I don't want to be condescending but if you've only left your house a few times this year, and get severe anxiety when you do so, it sounds like maybe you need to start with smaller steps before committing yourself to such a huge endeavour. While I think it's great that you're so full of hope and ambition (I struggle with anxiety too, and for me these things are hard to hang onto), there's really no rush so maybe you'd be better off deferring for a year and working on getting yourself healthy at home in a safe and stable environment? I just worry that if you got to uni you would freak out and be unable to cope and end up dropping out with your confidence severely knocked. I say this because there have been many times I've committed myself to a job/work placement/class etc that I knew I wasn't ready for, and ended up having a panic attack and dropping out feeling worse than if I'd never tried. To me it sounds as though you need some more time to focus on yourself and getting into a healthier state of mind before you move to uni.Also I'm curious as to why you're against medication-- I've been on citalopram for over a year now and I can't express enough how amazing it has been. Before I could barely leave the house, couldn't make eye contact, stuttered when I spoke, and now I can function like anyone else and things have improved so much, even if I'm not 100% yet. Honestly, you have a mental illness, and there's nothing wrong with treating it with medication, the same as you would any other illness.
Original post by e hine e
If you speak to the disability advisers they should help you with practical things, especially if you can fill in an application for DSA. I was told I could get help with transport to and from lectures if I needed it, as well as a mentor or note taker to help me when I couldn't focus in lectures or had to leave for any reason. I've also rejected meds, I think the most help I've got is from a book by Claire Weekes (called Self Help for the Nerves, the title sounds a bit scary but it's just an oldish book-it talks a lot about agoraphobia and learning to live with it). And basically over time and challenging myself, and really trying to believe that nothing will happen when I'm outside/surrounded by others, has been the best method of recovery.
Disability? I may be ignorant, but I never really saw this as a disability; why would money help a mental illness?
I will definitely try to seek assistance though, and will check that book out too. I'm doing a course for which public speaking is an integral part! Original post by Jellyfish4
oh wow OP I'm sorry you've been struggling like this, it sounds horrific. I completely understand that you want to push yourself in order to achieve your goals, but at this stage it doesn't really sound as though going 100 miles away to university is a great idea? I don't want to be condescending but if you've only left your house a few times this year, and get severe anxiety when you do so, it sounds like maybe you need to start with smaller steps before committing yourself to such a huge endeavour. While I think it's great that you're so full of hope and ambition (I struggle with anxiety too, and for me these things are hard to hang onto), there's really no rush so maybe you'd be better off deferring for a year and working on getting yourself healthy at home in a safe and stable environment? I just worry that if you got to uni you would freak out and be unable to cope and end up dropping out with your confidence severely knocked. I say this because there have been many times I've committed myself to a job/work placement/class etc that I knew I wasn't ready for, and ended up having a panic attack and dropping out feeling worse than if I'd never tried. To me it sounds as though you need some more time to focus on yourself and getting into a healthier state of mind before you move to uni.
I'm sorry you've been struggling like this, it sounds horrific. I completely understand that you want to push yourself in order to achieve your goals, but at this stage it doesn't really sound as though going 100 miles away to university is a great idea? I don't want to be condescending but if you've only left your house a few times this year, and get severe anxiety when you do so, it sounds like maybe you need to start with smaller steps before committing yourself to such a huge endeavour. While I think it's great that you're so full of hope and ambition (I struggle with anxiety too, and for me these things are hard to hang onto), there's really no rush so maybe you'd be better off deferring for a year and working on getting yourself healthy at home in a safe and stable environment? I just worry that if you got to uni you would freak out and be unable to cope and end up dropping out with your confidence severely knocked. I say this because there have been many times I've committed myself to a job/work placement/class etc that I knew I wasn't ready for, and ended up having a panic attack and dropping out feeling worse than if I'd never tried. To me it sounds as though you need some more time to focus on yourself and getting into a healthier state of mind before you move to uni.Your concerns are very justified, but I honestly don't think it would do me any good to quit uni, not least because counselling services are readily available there but are very hard to get on the NHS. Until recently I lived with my single parent who is not too well themselves and they left me with a lot of angst. I think going to uni would begin to remedy that as I realise a lot of my anxieties are unfounded; this won't happen if I remain in my comfort zone though. I already boarded and had a pretty bad time at my last school so it won't be much of a shock, I hope.
Also I'm curious as to why you're against medication-- I've been on citalopram for over a year now and I can't express enough how amazing it has been. Before I could barely leave the house, couldn't make eye contact, stuttered when I spoke, and now I can function like anyone else and things have improved so much, even if I'm not 100% yet. Honestly, you have a mental illness, and there's nothing wrong with treating it with medication, the same as you would any other illness.
This is good to hear. When I went to my GP she prescribed me 40mg Citalopram but I never used it. I will definitely keep it as a last resort but the whole idea of meds just sets me off a bit to be frank. It seems so crude, giving everyone the same pills albeit in varying amounts when all of their brains will be wired differently and have subtly different problems. The side-effects also don't sound too good; I'd be especially concerned about the reported potential effects on cognition... but if counselling and CBT doesn't do the trick, I will try medication as you suggest.
Original post by Anonymous
Disability? I may be ignorant, but I never really saw this as a disability; why would money help a mental illness? I will definitely try to seek assistance though, and will check that book out too. I'm doing a course for which public speaking is an integral part!
I will definitely try to seek assistance though, and will check that book out too. I'm doing a course for which public speaking is an integral part!Agoraphobia is classed as a disability. The money helps because it pays for a mentor or someone who can help you manage your condition.
Original post by Anonymous
Pretty simple. I've gone out of my house a handful of times in the last year, each time nearly unbearable. I'm acutely self-conscious about my appearance. It's got to the point that I keep my curtains closed in my house because I'm suspicious of people seeing me from other houses. I'm going to a uni a hundred miles away on Sunday, and I'm terrified. I don't know how I'll possibly cope. More generally I'm severely depressed and have anxiety/paranoia. My self-esteem is nil. I live alone and have no family or friends to support me. What the hell am I going to do?
I relate to what your going through and really feel for you. In my experience I have never took any drugs that helped plus they have nasty side effects like weight gain. I would seriously advise you to look at meditation. Learning to have a clear mind may limit the amount of paranoid intrusive thoughts that your getting at the moment but it takes alot of concentration. I noticed you posted this a while ago so you should be at uni now. How's it going? Also if you need to escape from the paranoia one thing that helped me was to get drunk. You'll have a good time and hopefully make some friends at the same time. Good luck.
Original post by Anonymous
This is defeatist. I'm not going to become fit to do things if I avoid them. I also have ambitions and cannot fulfil them without a university education at a place of the standard I'm going. I believe I can overcome my problems but I was looking for support and advice for coping in the transition and having the courage to walk around the uni until the counselling I'm going to take advantage of starts to take effect. I should have made this clearer, sorry.
As several posters above, I think the question is satisfied, although as you said the situation at home is unbearable. Just don't try to get your degree with any means, if you aren't getting better. There is a life after the degree, too and for that you have to get prepared.
What you can do:
1) Contact the university and find out:
- Are you eligible for DSA? Apply!
- Can you get a room in the halls, which fits your needs best? Ensuite or not? Any accomodation which can't support you?
- Get in touch with services, talk about special arrangements or with your tutor, so that they have an eye on you and it does not comes out two weeks before exams, where anything is stressful and difficult to organize.
- Ask if you need any assessment before, so that you have anything done before uni starts and don't have to wait for help.
2) Use the time until university to begin trying to get better.
