Worried about my girlfriend and possibly self harm
Ive started dating this girl, and she's amazing. However, she's recently started to clench her fists and dig her nails into her palms a lot which hurts her, when she's stressed, and I worry about her a lot.
Although I know this is a little thing, Ive had experience with good friends self harming before, and I can't get it out of my head
I don't know what I should do?
Although I know this is a little thing, Ive had experience with good friends self harming before, and I can't get it out of my head
I don't know what I should do?
I've done the fist-clenching, nail-digging (and hand-slapping) a couple of times. But that was when my mind was basically running away with itself, making me think of stuff I didn't want to think of. At the end of the night I told a friend what was bothering me and that was a huge relief and I can now think straight again.
So, I guess my point is: ask her about it. I'm pretty sure if she's doing that something's bothering her, so try to get it out of her, provide a listening ear, perhaps some advice. And who knows, that might do the trick.
So, I guess my point is: ask her about it. I'm pretty sure if she's doing that something's bothering her, so try to get it out of her, provide a listening ear, perhaps some advice. And who knows, that might do the trick.
Original post by Anonymous
Ive started dating this girl, and she's amazing. However, she's recently started to clench her fists and dig her nails into her palms a lot which hurts her, when she's stressed, and I worry about her a lot.
Although I know this is a little thing, Ive had experience with good friends self harming before, and I can't get it out of my head I don't know what I should do?
Although I know this is a little thing, Ive had experience with good friends self harming before, and I can't get it out of my head
I don't know what I should do?Try posting in mh section.
Maybe try gently placing your hand over hers to let her know you've noticed.
I used to do stuff like that a lot and still do occasionally. I've only really known one person to do anything about it- my boyfriend. He'll take my hand or something and I usually find it comforting. It doesn't always stop me and if i'm really stressing he'll grab my arms to stop me and just sit and hug me.
It's comforting knowing he's noticed. If it were somebody like my parents or anyone else i'd probably just get embarassed, but with him it just makes me happy that he cares.
Not much was really said between us about it (we've discussed my mh a lot anyway), but you can talk to her about it. I'd probably hint that you've noticed first by holding her hands or something so it's a bit less supprising to her. But i'm sure she'd appreciate the support.
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Original post by Anonymous
Ive started dating this girl, and she's amazing. However, she's recently started to clench her fists and dig her nails into her palms a lot which hurts her, when she's stressed, and I worry about her a lot.
Although I know this is a little thing, Ive had experience with good friends self harming before, and I can't get it out of my head I don't know what I should do?
Although I know this is a little thing, Ive had experience with good friends self harming before, and I can't get it out of my head
I don't know what I should do?Moved to mental health
Hi OP,
I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend, having experienced friends harming themselves previously this must be very worrying for you. Have you tried to talk to her about it?
You could try talking to the National Self Harm Network, (www.nshn.co.uk), they have discussion forums similar to TSR where people who've been affected by self harm can get support from each other and trained counsellors.
I hope you and your girlfriend get the help you need.
Original post by blubimnotafish
I've done the fist-clenching, nail-digging (and hand-slapping) a couple of times. But that was when my mind was basically running away with itself, making me think of stuff I didn't want to think of. At the end of the night I told a friend what was bothering me and that was a huge relief and I can now think straight again.
So, I guess my point is: ask her about it. I'm pretty sure if she's doing that something's bothering her, so try to get it out of her, provide a listening ear, perhaps some advice. And who knows, that might do the trick.
So, I guess my point is: ask her about it. I'm pretty sure if she's doing that something's bothering her, so try to get it out of her, provide a listening ear, perhaps some advice. And who knows, that might do the trick.
No offence, but that is what goes for self harm nowadays? And I thought I was being edgy with my razor blades....
Original post by JokersOneBadDay
No offence, but that is what goes for self harm nowadays? And I thought I was being edgy with my razor blades....
LOTS of things count as self-harm, depending on your definition - CASHA refers to a culturally Acceptable Self-Harm Act; such as exercising to exhaustion, taking unnecessary risks, neglecting conditions such as eczema etc. - it's all in the intentions really, and no one form of self-harm is that much more 'legitimate' than another
However, what the girl is doing sounds less like self-harm, and more like a nervous habit (which could indicate she might be at risk of trying self-harm as another way of coping)
I'm similar in that... I chew my thumb to pieces; especially when I'm nervous, stressed or upset
from experience... I don't like being told to stop, people making a fuss, people pointing it out to everyone else nearby, or being told it's gross/horrible etc (I know my thumb is hideous....)
so I would suggest maybe not doing any of those things, as it might just aggravate her?
However, as Kindred suggested, just holding her hand
small comforting gestures, a small smile etc would help
and lastly: don't let it colour your view of her. You said you thought she was amazing; well, this little thing won't change that
Thank you all for your replies, She already knows I know and we've talked about it, but she doesn't want to tell me what she's stressed about. Its died down for a bit at the moment, but I'll keep an eye on it
Original post by JokersOneBadDay
No offence, but that is what goes for self harm nowadays? And I thought I was being edgy with my razor blades....
Also, I was merely replying to the OP and in his eyes it is self-harm, and if that is the way he thinks of it, that's fine with me. Who am I to argue how he feels about what his girlfriend does?
Hey, I suppose just ask her if she is self harming, when i told my boyfriend he was more supportive and kind and stuff that i had expected so maybe she is just scared to tell you if she is because of previous experiences with telling people and them freaking out, just tell her youre worried, but dont check her arms or wherever you might think she is self harming
