Hi everyone.
Basically, I haven't been in a very good place lately (well not lately - for a long time). This may be a bit of a long post so please bare with me - I will try to make it as short as possible.
I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and panic attacks when I was about 17 (I'm 19 now), mainly anxiety surrounding my health, social situations, and general anxiety. On top of this I was diagnosed with insomnia at the same time. I was given CBT to treat it which didn't work, and I'm currently on 20mg of Fluoxetine/Prozac which doesn't seem to be doing much so far, but I've only been on it about 5 weeks.
However, I definitely have more problems than anxiety and insomnia going on which I haven't discussed with my doctor as I'm just scared to. I go from feeling overwhelmed with emotions/situations/full of anxiety, to feeling numb and empty in pretty short spaces of time. I would suspect bi-polar (my mother was diagnosed with this) but my numb/empty episodes can last from a few hours out of a day to an entire week, which seems a bit too quick for bipolar related disorders, and my depressive episodes don't seem to completely relate to a normal depressive episode, and then I will go to feeling 'normal', which to me is a mixture of energy and anxiety. Sometimes I can feel both at once, which is EXTREMELY confusing to me as it's contradictory to feel numb and overwhelmed at the same time, but it's the only way I can describe it. I also have problems in social situations and relationships, constantly feeling like I'm going to be abandoned by my friends, or that they don't like me, or that I'm annoying them. Even though I seem to push most people away when they get too close, I still feel abandoned even though sometimes it's me doing it.
Sometimes I just feel completely disconnected from everyone around me. For example, this morning I was walking down the road and it was almost as if I was looking upon myself from above (not physically doing this, but this is the closest I can get to describing it), and feeling like people around me were robots. The thing is I KNOW that they're not robots deep inside, but it feels like they are. It's a slightly similar feeling I get during a panic attack actually, but not exactly the same. Sometimes this might last a few days and then I might not get it for a while - it doesn't necessarily effect my life as much as my other symptoms but I think it's noteworthy.
One reason I'm scared of seeing the doctor is that I don't want to tell my mum about this. She's going through a lot and I wouldn't want her to worry about it. I have friends diagnosed with various mental illnesses like depression, bipolar, anxiety and other personality disorders, and I can confide in them when I need to, but I just feel a burden but they are there for me when I really need it, and they seem to understand what I'm going through.
Basically, my questions are, what illnesses do my symptoms suggest to you? And what would I expect from a doctors visit explaining my mental state at the moment?
(P.S. I'm only asking what you guys think is wrong with me just to try and give myself a bit of clarity before I pluck up the courage to see a doctor. I'm not one for self-diagnosis but it's nice to know other peoples opinions on what they think it is.)