Advice - was sexually abused
I'm a guy.
When I was 13, I used to hang around with this girl a couple doors down from me. She was 16. We were friends and hung around playing our games consoles etc together. One day, she asked me to show her my privates, and I obliged as I didn't really understand what was going on.
She then showed me hers, and got me to touch her there. From then on, for about a year or two, she used to get to me to go round hers when she was home alone, and we'd play console games then she'd kiss me and get me to 'play' with her. She'd try and play with me too but, I was such a young age that i couldn't even get erections yet, and she was trying to get it erected so we could have sex.
I did eventually mention it to someone, and the police got involved but, nothing came of it.
Anyway, I'm now 24, and as a result, any relationship I have or attempt to have with a girl, finishes pretty soon because of, I believe, what happened to me in the past.
I don't trust anyone, I physically don't want to get that close to them, and I just feel it is damaging my future and any potential relationships I may have.
I haven't spoken about these incidents for around 8 years now, but they still stick in my mind no matter how hard I try to forget them.
I want advice when it comes to relationships with girls - as I don't want to spend my life single due to this.
When I was 13, I used to hang around with this girl a couple doors down from me. She was 16. We were friends and hung around playing our games consoles etc together. One day, she asked me to show her my privates, and I obliged as I didn't really understand what was going on.
She then showed me hers, and got me to touch her there. From then on, for about a year or two, she used to get to me to go round hers when she was home alone, and we'd play console games then she'd kiss me and get me to 'play' with her. She'd try and play with me too but, I was such a young age that i couldn't even get erections yet, and she was trying to get it erected so we could have sex.
I did eventually mention it to someone, and the police got involved but, nothing came of it.
Anyway, I'm now 24, and as a result, any relationship I have or attempt to have with a girl, finishes pretty soon because of, I believe, what happened to me in the past.
I don't trust anyone, I physically don't want to get that close to them, and I just feel it is damaging my future and any potential relationships I may have.
I haven't spoken about these incidents for around 8 years now, but they still stick in my mind no matter how hard I try to forget them.
I want advice when it comes to relationships with girls - as I don't want to spend my life single due to this.
Hi
Thank you so much for your post. I know it must have been really hard to talk about this, but it is really good that you have.
What you went through as a child was very abusive and it is normal for it to be affecting you now.
You say you told the police, does this mean that your parents were told? Were they supportive? Did you have any conuselling at the time? I think that you would really benefit from this now. The good news is there are services out that that can help you.
One in four is a specialist service for people who were sexually abused as children - they offer online and face to face support and are specialists at helping you deal with the long term damage that it may have caused. They also have some good worksheets to do on their site:
http://oneinfour.org.uk/wordpress/?page_id=22
Survivors UK also work with men who have been sexually assaulted. They have a helpline and a web chat facility.
http://www.survivorsuk.org/
Remember that this was not your fault, but it will have long lasting implications for how you feel now, especially in terms of relationships. But, that can be dealt with and un-done. You can go on to have meaningful and happy relationships but the best way to do that is to get some support to work through what happened.
I hope this helps,
take care
jo
Thank you so much for your post. I know it must have been really hard to talk about this, but it is really good that you have.
What you went through as a child was very abusive and it is normal for it to be affecting you now.
You say you told the police, does this mean that your parents were told? Were they supportive? Did you have any conuselling at the time? I think that you would really benefit from this now. The good news is there are services out that that can help you.
One in four is a specialist service for people who were sexually abused as children - they offer online and face to face support and are specialists at helping you deal with the long term damage that it may have caused. They also have some good worksheets to do on their site:
http://oneinfour.org.uk/wordpress/?page_id=22
Survivors UK also work with men who have been sexually assaulted. They have a helpline and a web chat facility.
http://www.survivorsuk.org/
Remember that this was not your fault, but it will have long lasting implications for how you feel now, especially in terms of relationships. But, that can be dealt with and un-done. You can go on to have meaningful and happy relationships but the best way to do that is to get some support to work through what happened.
I hope this helps,
take care
jo
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