Hey I posted anonymously just to prevent anyone who knows me from knowing it's me.
I am a 25 year old male who's been dealing with anxiety since around age 17, although it started at a much younger age, it became a real issue around 17 due to my social expectations of a young adult, and being around friends and peers who move forward as a young person should.
I spent the past 5 or so years receiving various counselling sessions, solely CBT and the spectrum of SSRI medications, not wanting to move deeper into the medication trap I refuse to take anything other than SSRI's. I have benefited mildly from CBT in the short term, but I always eventually end up asking my doctor for help and the only choice of treatment is meds and CBT.
As time has gone on and at the age I am now, I feel further and further disconnected from society/a life I am comfortable with, and I sometimes think I am one of those weirdo's that 'normal people' instantly judge as 'strange'/'weird' but in my opinion I am just a loner who's not been in a social circle for a good few years, and can't find a way in, so I guess I am always on the outside looking in, if that makes sense.
A more embarrassing and shameful aspect of my anxiety is my tendency to view pornography, I just can't help it, I hate that I do it, but when I don't I become more and more irritable, and I am too ashamed to discuss it with anyone due to being judged as perverted, which I probably am. I am certain if I was able to receive help regarding my pornography viewing tendencies, I would be much more anxiety free, but CBT therapists I see don't have the skills to professionally deal with this, therefore I refuse to open up about it.