I have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD. AMA
I have borderline personality disorder, one of the most stigmatised mental health conditions. The media likes to paint us all as stalkers or murderers but really that couldn't be further from the truth for 99% of us.
I want to help educate people on what BPD really is/what it is like. So Ask Me Anything, anything you like, no matter how silly or serious it is!
I want to help educate people on what BPD really is/what it is like. So Ask Me Anything, anything you like, no matter how silly or serious it is!
I have BPD too, I find it very difficult
I am curious to speak to other people that have been diagnosed with it... I was only diagnosed in January but apparently they have suspected it for quite a while. Do you mind being told you have this condition? I hate it, I dont want to have it and I feel it just puts me at risk of discrimination and judgement. I dont even understand it myself... all I know is that my emotions are so out of control and they change fast, I can't keep up. I might be fine one minute then someone will say something and I will feel so upset, like nothing will ever be okay ever again. I don't know how to form lasting friendships or relationships with people... i end up ruining them because of my mental health. I get scared and it causes me to act very irrationally. I wish people would understand that I never mean to upset or bother anyone, most of the time I am just trying to react to my extreme fears
I dont know who I am, I feel like I am crumbling away inside.... I dont know how I feel about other people... one minute they might be my favourite person ever but if they do something I think is wrong then i will say I hate them
I am curious to speak to other people that have been diagnosed with it... I was only diagnosed in January but apparently they have suspected it for quite a while. Do you mind being told you have this condition? I hate it, I dont want to have it and I feel it just puts me at risk of discrimination and judgement. I dont even understand it myself... all I know is that my emotions are so out of control and they change fast, I can't keep up. I might be fine one minute then someone will say something and I will feel so upset, like nothing will ever be okay ever again. I don't know how to form lasting friendships or relationships with people... i end up ruining them because of my mental health. I get scared and it causes me to act very irrationally. I wish people would understand that I never mean to upset or bother anyone, most of the time I am just trying to react to my extreme fears
I dont know who I am, I feel like I am crumbling away inside.... I dont know how I feel about other people... one minute they might be my favourite person ever but if they do something I think is wrong then i will say I hate them
Heyyaa! Fellow BPD person checking in.
Have you watched Girl, Interrupted? If you have what do you think of the representation of the main character who have bpd?
I have watched the film but I'm not sure how I feel about It. Also some people suggest that Lisa also had bpd!
Have you watched Girl, Interrupted? If you have what do you think of the representation of the main character who have bpd?
I have watched the film but I'm not sure how I feel about It. Also some people suggest that Lisa also had bpd!
Original post by shawn_o1
What kind of behaviours define BPD? Do you regret exhibiting these kind of behaviours?
I've compiled this list (some aren't strictly behaviours but I thought it would be useful to include them anyway) from diagnostic criteria, articles and books I've read, and my own experiences of bpd. I've bolded the behaviours/symptoms that I have.
- frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
- hypersensitive to things like tone of voice and mannerisms
- extreme grief when abandoned
- persistent depressive symptoms
- persistent worry
- splitting (the inability to have two opposing ideas in ones head - so it's not possible to love someone, but be angry with them at the same time. it would either be love, or anger. not both)
- unstable and intense relationships, characterised by splitting
- markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self
- frequently changing appearance (e.g. fashion sense, hair colour)
- fluctuating life goals
- difficulty with object consistency (inability to recall that people or objects are 'still there', consistent and reliable when they are not currently being seen/there and difficulty maintaing the feelings that they had when they were able to be seen or they were there)
- impulsivity in areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g. spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge-eating). this doesn't include suicidal or self-harming behaviour
- recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures or threats, or self-mutilating behaviour
- extreme mood swings - can go from happy to devastated in a matter of seconds, moods can last from a couple of minutes to a couple of days.
- chronic feelings of emptiness
- manipulative (not consciously so however)
- difficulty with decision making
- extreme anger in response to 'minor' situations
- difficulty controlling anger
- paranoia, dissociation and psychotic symptoms; these occur in response to intense emotion
- intense attachment
- difficulty dealing with change
I do regret exhibiting any behaviours. In an ideal world, I wouldn't have BPD and I would be mentally healthy. I try my best to put on a face and act as 'normal' as I can when I am around others. This doesn't work completely, it does become clear to others as they get to know me more and more that I do have issues, but I do protect them from it as much as I can. My family see a lot of my behaviours, but even then I do still suppress a lot. I call myself a quiet borderline. The stereotypical borderline is loud, gets angry at others a lot, and is often quite outgoing. Quiet borderlines are much more internally focussed. I am shy, and my anger is focussed inwards most of the time. I would have to be extremely angry for me ever to express it to others. My hatred is of myself, not of others.
In short, I do regret exhibiting behaviours when I do so. Good question!
Original post by Anonymous
I have BPD too, I find it very difficult
I am curious to speak to other people that have been diagnosed with it... I was only diagnosed in January but apparently they have suspected it for quite a while. Do you mind being told you have this condition? I hate it, I dont want to have it and I feel it just puts me at risk of discrimination and judgement. I dont even understand it myself... all I know is that my emotions are so out of control and they change fast, I can't keep up. I might be fine one minute then someone will say something and I will feel so upset, like nothing will ever be okay ever again. I don't know how to form lasting friendships or relationships with people... i end up ruining them because of my mental health. I get scared and it causes me to act very irrationally. I wish people would understand that I never mean to upset or bother anyone, most of the time I am just trying to react to my extreme fears I dont know who I am, I feel like I am crumbling away inside.... I dont know how I feel about other people... one minute they might be my favourite person ever but if they do something I think is wrong then i will say I hate them
I am curious to speak to other people that have been diagnosed with it... I was only diagnosed in January but apparently they have suspected it for quite a while. Do you mind being told you have this condition? I hate it, I dont want to have it and I feel it just puts me at risk of discrimination and judgement. I dont even understand it myself... all I know is that my emotions are so out of control and they change fast, I can't keep up. I might be fine one minute then someone will say something and I will feel so upset, like nothing will ever be okay ever again. I don't know how to form lasting friendships or relationships with people... i end up ruining them because of my mental health. I get scared and it causes me to act very irrationally. I wish people would understand that I never mean to upset or bother anyone, most of the time I am just trying to react to my extreme fears
I dont know who I am, I feel like I am crumbling away inside.... I dont know how I feel about other people... one minute they might be my favourite person ever but if they do something I think is wrong then i will say I hate themHello fellow person with BPD! *waves*
They first suspected it around 3 years ago - but at that point, I was 17 and they tend not to diagnose under-18s (it does happen but isn't that common). I don't know when I was officially diagnosed as I was never told - I only found out when I read discharge papers from when I was in a psychiatric ward. That was just under a year ago. When it was first mentioned, 3 years ago, I completely freaked. I had googled it and it seemed like a death sentence basically. There was so much negativity surrounding it all and I didn't see how on earth having this diagnosis could possibly help me. However, from doing as much research about it, reading books (I recommend you do some reading about it, if you haven't already
), I could see that actually, the disorder described me and my behaviours perfectly, and I could be in denial as much as I want, but it was clear that I had it. From then on, I started to be more proactive and positive. I did research into what helps, what doesn't help, etc. Now, to me, it's just another diagnosis. Yes, some professionals view it as a problematic diagnosis and sometimes I do feel like having it does me more harm than good, but I think that as time goes on, it is slowly becoming more understood and less stigmatised. As for people who aren't healthcare professionals, I am selective as to who knows. Some of my family thinks it's a load of BS, which I find quite invalidating. Others 'get' it and accept it. None of my employers have been aware of my BPD, however they have been aware of my depression. I haven't experienced a huge amount of discrimination. It has been there, yes, but it isn't frequent.
I guess what I'm trying to say, is that it's natural to oppose the diagnosis when it's new - it's a scary diagnosis. There's a lot of stuff online that contributes to the stigma. But where it really matters - healthcare - they're getting much better with BPD. It's not all bad. I am currently undertaking a course of DBT, and my therapist is fabulous. With time, I have faith that you will accept your diagnosis and no longer find it scary. However, it's okay if you don't too.
Everything you say is so indicative of BPD. I completely relate to it all, especially "I wish people would understand that I never mean to upset or bother anyone, most of the time I am just trying to react to my extreme fears" (sorry, I don't know how to quote little bits of text). I get it.
You've been diagnosed, have you been offered any help? Medication helped get me to a stage where I was able to do psychological work. I am currently on an anti-psychotic (quetiapine), and an anti-depressant (reboxetine). I cannot tell you how helpful the anti-psychotic has been for me. It helped me rationalise thoughts, reduced my impulsivity, and also seemed to reduce my reactivity to triggers. I am on a very low dose now so I don't find it does quite as much, but I'm in a better place mentally so I guess it balances out. And I have been doing DBT for around 9 months now. DBT is extremely difficult, but it works. If you truly want to get better and are willing to work at it, then it should work for you. I know that some NHS regions sadly do not offer DBT yet, but see if it's available. And if not, ask what other help is available. BPD is manageable, and some people make a full recovery, but only with help. I hope that this extremely long reply was somewhat helpful!! Sending hugs
x(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by anonymouspie227
Heyyaa! Fellow BPD person checking in.
Have you watched Girl, Interrupted? If you have what do you think of the representation of the main character who have bpd?
I have watched the film but I'm not sure how I feel about It. Also some people suggest that Lisa also had bpd!
Have you watched Girl, Interrupted? If you have what do you think of the representation of the main character who have bpd?
I have watched the film but I'm not sure how I feel about It. Also some people suggest that Lisa also had bpd!
Hellooo *waves*
I have watched Girl, Interrupted! Although it was a while ago so forgive me if I don't remember a whole lot. I'll tell you my thoughts though.
I don't think that the main character was represented well at all as someone who apparently has BPD. To me, it just seemed like she had depression. I suppose something to bear in mind though, is that it's set in the 1970s, and back then, BPD was a diagnosis that they gave 'troubled young women' when they didn't really know what was wrong. So she maybe didn't have BPD as we know it today.
I think that Lisa actually came across as someone who has BPD, more than Susanna did. She did have some traits that aren't so much like BPD, but on the whole...she was a pretty stereotypical BPD!
Good question
Original post by teaandtoast00
I have borderline personality disorder, one of the most stigmatised mental health conditions. The media likes to paint us all as stalkers or murderers but really that couldn't be further from the truth for 99% of us.
I want to help educate people on what BPD really is/what it is like. So Ask Me Anything, anything you like, no matter how silly or serious it is!
I want to help educate people on what BPD really is/what it is like. So Ask Me Anything, anything you like, no matter how silly or serious it is!
Hi,
I'm curious and wanted to ask you a question because I often feel I exhibit signs/symptoms of BPD. My mood fluctuates very quickly, I can one minute hold someone in such high esteem and feel flattery by somebody (i.e. someone I fancy), then one moment I can get completely pissed off (to the point of rage), if for example they are seen to be ignoring me, they cut me short or are blatantly/seemingly seen to be manipulating me.
I have problems regulating my mood, get angry very often, quickly, and then I go through a cycle of feeling guilty for it, then depressed, then anxious.
I have a history of depression and anxiety; and I have a brother whom apparently has been diagnosed with bi-polar, though I hear BPD and Bi-Polar are often confused with each other.
I go from really liking someone to disliking them; a bit like black and white thinking (which I'm told is common in mental illness) but more severe.
I've never had a diagnosis, but I do feel I have a lot of the symptoms.
My question really is; when did you get your diagnosis? Was it after a long time? Where you regarded as clinically depressed or Bi-Polar before your BPD diagnosis?
I'm interested, because I am convinced I have borderline personality disorder, but obviously try telling that to any GP/Counsellor or therapist and its always a case of "no you haven't". One thing I cannot stand is people 'telling me how I feel'. Which many mental health professionals do.
Hey!
Ohh ok, yeah i was the same as you and FREAKED OUT the minute i found out they thought I had BPD. I was especially mad that they didn't tell me and well, when i researched, all you see is negative horrible things. It makes me panic.
What books do you find helpful?
I haven't really told anyone. My family don't know. Only my support worker and obviously people involved in my care. I'd be very concerned about disclosing it to employers and I think I'd keep it a secret to be honest but they would probably realise pretty quick that I'm not right in the head haha....
How long have you been doing DBT for? I did it when I was at CAMHS and found it useful but then I moved to a new area, started uni, and experienced quite a few traumatic things so I guess everything kinda unraveled again. Although I just found out that someone who I know has BPD too so it helps to chat with him about it etc.... I think we will probs become mates now (not sure how healthy the relationship will be though lol)
I have been seeing a psychiatrist but he took me off my meds and says he wont be prescribing any more. He told my GP not to give me anything. In January I was referred to a personality disorder service in my area, I have my assessment next week. Been waiting 8 months which is mad! but I have to wait and see what they offer me and see how it all works out. Im really struggling at the moment tbh.
Was very helpful, hope your'e okay! thank you xx
Ohh ok, yeah i was the same as you and FREAKED OUT the minute i found out they thought I had BPD. I was especially mad that they didn't tell me and well, when i researched, all you see is negative horrible things. It makes me panic.
What books do you find helpful?
I haven't really told anyone. My family don't know. Only my support worker and obviously people involved in my care. I'd be very concerned about disclosing it to employers and I think I'd keep it a secret to be honest but they would probably realise pretty quick that I'm not right in the head haha....
How long have you been doing DBT for? I did it when I was at CAMHS and found it useful but then I moved to a new area, started uni, and experienced quite a few traumatic things so I guess everything kinda unraveled again. Although I just found out that someone who I know has BPD too so it helps to chat with him about it etc.... I think we will probs become mates now (not sure how healthy the relationship will be though lol)
I have been seeing a psychiatrist but he took me off my meds and says he wont be prescribing any more. He told my GP not to give me anything. In January I was referred to a personality disorder service in my area, I have my assessment next week. Been waiting 8 months which is mad! but I have to wait and see what they offer me and see how it all works out. Im really struggling at the moment tbh.
Original post by teaandtoast00
I hope that this extremely long reply was somewhat helpful!! Sending hugs x
xWas very helpful, hope your'e okay! thank you xx
Original post by royal1990
Hi,
I'm curious and wanted to ask you a question because I often feel I exhibit signs/symptoms of BPD. My mood fluctuates very quickly, I can one minute hold someone in such high esteem and feel flattery by somebody (i.e. someone I fancy), then one moment I can get completely pissed off (to the point of rage), if for example they are seen to be ignoring me, they cut me short or are blatantly/seemingly seen to be manipulating me.
I have problems regulating my mood, get angry very often, quickly, and then I go through a cycle of feeling guilty for it, then depressed, then anxious.
I have a history of depression and anxiety; and I have a brother whom apparently has been diagnosed with bi-polar, though I hear BPD and Bi-Polar are often confused with each other.
I go from really liking someone to disliking them; a bit like black and white thinking (which I'm told is common in mental illness) but more severe.
I've never had a diagnosis, but I do feel I have a lot of the symptoms.
My question really is; when did you get your diagnosis? Was it after a long time? Where you regarded as clinically depressed or Bi-Polar before your BPD diagnosis?
I'm interested, because I am convinced I have borderline personality disorder, but obviously try telling that to any GP/Counsellor or therapist and its always a case of "no you haven't". One thing I cannot stand is people 'telling me how I feel'. Which many mental health professionals do.
I'm curious and wanted to ask you a question because I often feel I exhibit signs/symptoms of BPD. My mood fluctuates very quickly, I can one minute hold someone in such high esteem and feel flattery by somebody (i.e. someone I fancy), then one moment I can get completely pissed off (to the point of rage), if for example they are seen to be ignoring me, they cut me short or are blatantly/seemingly seen to be manipulating me.
I have problems regulating my mood, get angry very often, quickly, and then I go through a cycle of feeling guilty for it, then depressed, then anxious.
I have a history of depression and anxiety; and I have a brother whom apparently has been diagnosed with bi-polar, though I hear BPD and Bi-Polar are often confused with each other.
I go from really liking someone to disliking them; a bit like black and white thinking (which I'm told is common in mental illness) but more severe.
I've never had a diagnosis, but I do feel I have a lot of the symptoms.
My question really is; when did you get your diagnosis? Was it after a long time? Where you regarded as clinically depressed or Bi-Polar before your BPD diagnosis?
I'm interested, because I am convinced I have borderline personality disorder, but obviously try telling that to any GP/Counsellor or therapist and its always a case of "no you haven't". One thing I cannot stand is people 'telling me how I feel'. Which many mental health professionals do.
I was diagnosed with depression about 5 years before I got my BPD diagnosis. (I also was diagnosed with GAD and EDNOS a couple of years after depression). It was something I was thinking about for a couple of years and had mentioned it a couple of times (and was once told not to get diagnosed because there was no treatment and that a diagnosis just meant I would never get a job). I was diagnosed when I saw a psychiatrist (my 5th) and she said she thought I might have BPD and I told her I'd considered it for a long time. And she got out the diagnostic criteria, we discussed each one and then I got a diagnosis. It actually seems like an anti-climax to two years of worry now I think about it.
Original post by Anonymous
Hey!
Ohh ok, yeah i was the same as you and FREAKED OUT the minute i found out they thought I had BPD. I was especially mad that they didn't tell me and well, when i researched, all you see is negative horrible things. It makes me panic.
What books do you find helpfulx
Ohh ok, yeah i was the same as you and FREAKED OUT the minute i found out they thought I had BPD. I was especially mad that they didn't tell me and well, when i researched, all you see is negative horrible things. It makes me panic.
What books do you find helpfulx
this anon is me btw, sorry i thought i had took the anon off x
Original post by SmallTownGirl
I was diagnosed with depression about 5 years before I got my BPD diagnosis. (I also was diagnosed with GAD and EDNOS a couple of years after depression). It was something I was thinking about for a couple of years and had mentioned it a couple of times (and was once told not to get diagnosed because there was no treatment and that a diagnosis just meant I would never get a job). I was diagnosed when I saw a psychiatrist (my 5th) and she said she thought I might have BPD and I told her I'd considered it for a long time. And she got out the diagnostic criteria, we discussed each one and then I got a diagnosis. It actually seems like an anti-climax to two years of worry now I think about it.
That's interesting; I have had depression for years, and my GP has pretty much told me I have GAD. Whenever I read the diagnostic criteria, the more i feel I have BPD.
Of course, I've never been diagnosed, and I've never seen a Psychiatrist or someone whom is trained as highly. Usually just doctors and Psychotherapists. I don't think these are particularly as good at sensing out the more difficult disorders in patients.
You were told there was no treatment!? How ridiculous and horrible is that to have been suggested. For me, its the worst thing to be told to someone that is ill.
Its a bit like my mother, she pretty much just tells me to "get on with it, its life" etc. I guess doctors can only really prescribe meds and refer for talking therapy, which seem fruitless with disorders like Bi-Polar, BPD.
My doctor just kind of sits there with an expression on his face "what do you want me to do about it?" Its demoralising that our health care system fails so many.
Original post by Anonymous
I have BPD too, I find it very difficult
I am curious to speak to other people that have been diagnosed with it... I was only diagnosed in January but apparently they have suspected it for quite a while. Do you mind being told you have this condition? I hate it, I dont want to have it and I feel it just puts me at risk of discrimination and judgement. I dont even understand it myself... all I know is that my emotions are so out of control and they change fast, I can't keep up. I might be fine one minute then someone will say something and I will feel so upset, like nothing will ever be okay ever again. I don't know how to form lasting friendships or relationships with people... i end up ruining them because of my mental health. I get scared and it causes me to act very irrationally. I wish people would understand that I never mean to upset or bother anyone, most of the time I am just trying to react to my extreme fears I dont know who I am, I feel like I am crumbling away inside.... I dont know how I feel about other people... one minute they might be my favourite person ever but if they do something I think is wrong then i will say I hate them
I am curious to speak to other people that have been diagnosed with it... I was only diagnosed in January but apparently they have suspected it for quite a while. Do you mind being told you have this condition? I hate it, I dont want to have it and I feel it just puts me at risk of discrimination and judgement. I dont even understand it myself... all I know is that my emotions are so out of control and they change fast, I can't keep up. I might be fine one minute then someone will say something and I will feel so upset, like nothing will ever be okay ever again. I don't know how to form lasting friendships or relationships with people... i end up ruining them because of my mental health. I get scared and it causes me to act very irrationally. I wish people would understand that I never mean to upset or bother anyone, most of the time I am just trying to react to my extreme fears
I dont know who I am, I feel like I am crumbling away inside.... I dont know how I feel about other people... one minute they might be my favourite person ever but if they do something I think is wrong then i will say I hate themHi, I'm really struggling with emotions and someone suggested to me that I possibly see a doctor about depression or BPD but I'm not so sure if it's just hormones and life changes etc. I just read your post and I feel like I can relate to every single thing you said. Just wanted to know how to approach a doctor or help or something/how did you get diagnosed? My entire life I've struggled with emotions and emotional instability, and especially and most notably mood swings. I don't want to self-diagnose obviously but I've always felt not quite normal about my frequent emotional rollercoasters and I want to know how I can fix myself before I alienate more people and hurt my parents more
