Feel isolated at uni
Im a 20 year old med student in my 3rd year at uni in sheffield. I am constantly dissatisfied with my life and have no friends, am completely isolated from my year group and live alone in halls (when I say alone I mean that my flatmates are all random international students). I have always battled with low self-esteem throughout life, and many of the 'friends' I made at the start of university have drifted away, formed their own friendship groups (which I am not part of) or have never given me a second thought. The only person I have is my girlfriend who I met online 3 months ago, and that I met in person for the first time a 2 month ago. She studies in liverpool so our relationship is long-distance (i spend two weekends a month with her), but she makes me one of the happiest guys around. The problem is that although I am falling in love with her, I am constantly paranoid about losing her and to make matters worse my family have told me that I should not be fully dependent on one person and that I need to meet new people and make new friends. However, I have just found this incredibly difficult to deal with and just cannot connect with new people and maintain a friendship with them.
On surface, I am this bubbly and friendly erosion but whenever i have tried I just fail to form a long-term friendship with the acquaintances i have. Especially on my course, everyone has long-established friendship groups which I am not part of. Although I enjoy my course, it is stressful as it is and I have nobody to talk to about how I feel apart from my girlfriend, with whom I feel I am a burden to her. I just don't want to come across as too negative a person to her, and a loser for not having any friends in the fear she will leave me. She is planning something for my 21st bday but I have nobody else to celebrate it with, and I am afraid of what she will think when finds out I have only celebrated with her.
I just don't know what to do, I have suffered from depression in the past and do not want to go down that road again. I just want to get through the next 2.5 years of med and return home to London!
On surface, I am this bubbly and friendly erosion but whenever i have tried I just fail to form a long-term friendship with the acquaintances i have. Especially on my course, everyone has long-established friendship groups which I am not part of. Although I enjoy my course, it is stressful as it is and I have nobody to talk to about how I feel apart from my girlfriend, with whom I feel I am a burden to her. I just don't want to come across as too negative a person to her, and a loser for not having any friends in the fear she will leave me. She is planning something for my 21st bday but I have nobody else to celebrate it with, and I am afraid of what she will think when finds out I have only celebrated with her.
I just don't know what to do, I have suffered from depression in the past and do not want to go down that road again. I just want to get through the next 2.5 years of med and return home to London!
Original post by Anonymous
Im a 20 year old med student in my 3rd year at uni in sheffield. I am constantly dissatisfied with my life and have no friends, am completely isolated from my year group and live alone in halls (when I say alone I mean that my flatmates are all random international students). I have always battled with low self-esteem throughout life, and many of the 'friends' I made at the start of university have drifted away, formed their own friendship groups (which I am not part of) or have never given me a second thought. The only person I have is my girlfriend who I met online 3 months ago, and that I met in person for the first time a 2 month ago. She studies in liverpool so our relationship is long-distance (i spend two weekends a month with her), but she makes me one of the happiest guys around. The problem is that although I am falling in love with her, I am constantly paranoid about losing her and to make matters worse my family have told me that I should not be fully dependent on one person and that I need to meet new people and make new friends. However, I have just found this incredibly difficult to deal with and just cannot connect with new people and maintain a friendship with them.
On surface, I am this bubbly and friendly erosion but whenever i have tried I just fail to form a long-term friendship with the acquaintances i have. Especially on my course, everyone has long-established friendship groups which I am not part of. Although I enjoy my course, it is stressful as it is and I have nobody to talk to about how I feel apart from my girlfriend, with whom I feel I am a burden to her. I just don't want to come across as too negative a person to her, and a loser for not having any friends in the fear she will leave me. She is planning something for my 21st bday but I have nobody else to celebrate it with, and I am afraid of what she will think when finds out I have only celebrated with her.
I just don't know what to do, I have suffered from depression in the past and do not want to go down that road again. I just want to get through the next 2.5 years of med and return home to London!
On surface, I am this bubbly and friendly erosion but whenever i have tried I just fail to form a long-term friendship with the acquaintances i have. Especially on my course, everyone has long-established friendship groups which I am not part of. Although I enjoy my course, it is stressful as it is and I have nobody to talk to about how I feel apart from my girlfriend, with whom I feel I am a burden to her. I just don't want to come across as too negative a person to her, and a loser for not having any friends in the fear she will leave me. She is planning something for my 21st bday but I have nobody else to celebrate it with, and I am afraid of what she will think when finds out I have only celebrated with her.
I just don't know what to do, I have suffered from depression in the past and do not want to go down that road again. I just want to get through the next 2.5 years of med and return home to London!
Your thought patterns are not helping you. Yes your parents are right to an extent, they're wrong if they expect you to be making lots of friends already (and contributing to your inability to make friends).
Your problem lies in confidence, you probably lost it when your previous friends drifted apart from you and that made you regress into a child-like state of mind. You got a partner but continue to worry about the future of your relationship, which eventually will make your relationship unstable.
Stop acting out of fear and start acting out of confidence
I would say at least you had a good time at the start of uni, many people (myself included) struggled through the whole of uni with few friends. TBH you are not missing out in some ways, most of your firnds who you met in 1st year will be in their final year and probably working their ass off for Finals!
I would echo Shawn that you are too reliant on your girlfriend. You sound like you are in a rut. And ruts require changes! Why not ask the uni for a halls transfer! You might even get with some first years and feel like a Fresher again! (and given your course is 2.5 years long you would 'align; with them in terms of them finishing in third year!) And I know its clichéd but what interests you? Join some societies and you might find like minded people.
Don't get me wrong, I know all of the above is FAR easier said than done! (I only wish I could have advised my younger self, I am now 35!)
I would echo Shawn that you are too reliant on your girlfriend. You sound like you are in a rut. And ruts require changes! Why not ask the uni for a halls transfer! You might even get with some first years and feel like a Fresher again! (and given your course is 2.5 years long you would 'align; with them in terms of them finishing in third year!) And I know its clichéd but what interests you? Join some societies and you might find like minded people.
Don't get me wrong, I know all of the above is FAR easier said than done! (I only wish I could have advised my younger self, I am now 35!)
