[Trigger warning] Advice is welcomed
I had been raped a week ago by my flatmates best friend. I had been very drunk but I did keep telling him no. The morning after I left to go to my boyfriends for 5 days and though I felt really sad it really helped to be around him, however ever since I have come back I keep crying and I'm really unfocused. I do not have any close friends at university to keep me occupied/to talk to.
I will be going on the waiting list to see a counsellor but in the meantime is there perhaps anyone that can shed some advice on how to cope?
I will be going on the waiting list to see a counsellor but in the meantime is there perhaps anyone that can shed some advice on how to cope?
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I had been raped a week ago by my flatmates best friend. I had been very drunk but I did keep telling him no. The morning after I left to go to my boyfriends for 5 days and though I felt really sad it really helped to be around him, however ever since I have come back I keep crying and I'm really unfocused. I do not have any close friends at university to keep me occupied/to talk to.
I will be going on the waiting list to see a counsellor but in the meantime is there perhaps anyone that can shed some advice on how to cope?
I will be going on the waiting list to see a counsellor but in the meantime is there perhaps anyone that can shed some advice on how to cope?
Have you reported this to the police? How are you getting counselling and do they know why you need it? It doesn't sound like something you should wait to have.
http://www.rasasc.org.uk/?gclid=CjwKEAiAt_K0BRCzjtv92_HGoR0SJAA9QNn_y5-5MGHBUXGth7Qrrj7T74DZ91eb_QMAorLyIxdp_BoCtDvw_wcB
There are lots of hotlines like this one ^^ that are free and can give you advice.
I hope you're okay.
Original post by Neostigmine
Have you reported this to the police? How are you getting counselling and do they know why you need it? It doesn't sound like something you should wait to have.
http://www.rasasc.org.uk/?gclid=CjwKEAiAt_K0BRCzjtv92_HGoR0SJAA9QNn_y5-5MGHBUXGth7Qrrj7T74DZ91eb_QMAorLyIxdp_BoCtDvw_wcB
There are lots of hotlines like this one ^^ that are free and can give you advice.
I hope you're okay.
http://www.rasasc.org.uk/?gclid=CjwKEAiAt_K0BRCzjtv92_HGoR0SJAA9QNn_y5-5MGHBUXGth7Qrrj7T74DZ91eb_QMAorLyIxdp_BoCtDvw_wcB
There are lots of hotlines like this one ^^ that are free and can give you advice.
I hope you're okay.
Nope I haven't reported it to the police, I am still really confused about the night as I don't remember everything clearly. I am going to go get advice from my university tomorrow and talk through it and see what the best course of action is. Thank you for the website and your kindness.
You really should report it, your flatmate's best friend can't get away with it. He could do it to other people too.
OP, I hope you are okay and have reported this. If you want to talk, you can always PM me
OP, I hope you are okay and have reported this. If you want to talk, you can always PM me
(edited 8 years ago)
Its detrimental you tell the police and even your best friend, you should tell someone because its damaging to keep it in. It sounds silly but its like the Lady gaga song, you dont know how it feels to be raped till it happens to you, so I cant even imagine what it feels like and what you're going through but if there is one thing I know, dont be alone in this, if you've taken the steps to post it on here, then take the steps to speak to the police, family, friends, anyone who can help before it happens to someone else, the person who did it deserves to be punished, dont let him keep thinking he's gotten away with it.
Original post by Leahm18
Its detrimental you tell the police and even your best friend, you should tell someone because its damaging to keep it in. It sounds silly but its like the Lady gaga song, you dont know how it feels to be raped till it happens to you, so I cant even imagine what it feels like and what you're going through but if there is one thing I know, dont be alone in this, if you've taken the steps to post it on here, then take the steps to speak to the police, family, friends, anyone who can help before it happens to someone else, the person who did it deserves to be punished, dont let him keep thinking he's gotten away with it.
I know this isn't the time or place to be a pedant, but I don't think you're using the word "detrimental" correctly there. Otherwise, I agree with what you're saying.
EMDR therapy is a BIG help. I know someone who has had this happened to, and it helped them a lot
I'm really sorry this has happened to you 
. I know someone who this has happened to and it is an unthinkable thing to happen. They've recovered with EMDR therapy and it no longer affects them emotionally.
Depending on the situation and what happens after, it could put your body into a state of alert where you feel, or subconsciously feel in danger. You can see if this has happened to you by testing your breathing rate at rest. Count how many times you breathe in and out in one minute, with a breath in and out counting as 1. I think above 20 means your in a state of alert. Definitely do EMDR therapy if this has happened as it processes whats happened and reprocesses your brain so it no longer thinks your in danger. Just talking to someone won't do this. Then you can move on with your life and it shouldn't affect you anymore
. It may be quicker to go privately but it can be very expensive (but worth every penny). You also may not need many sessions.
But what your essentially going through is a grieving process and you're grieving what's happened to you. If you hold in or numb the emotion then you won't process whats happened and won't recover. So it's important to cry and let out the emotion, but because of the severity of what happened it can be overwhelming. This is where EMDR helps because it's done in a safe, controlled environment with someone there to help you. You can get an EMDR app, but don't do it if it gets too overwhelming.
If your on your own and crying, it can be comforting to hug yourself by wrapping your arms around yourself. Also keep telling yourself that your safe, it's not happening now and it's NOT your fault! People who it's happened to often feel shame and on some level feel it's their fault, but its NOT. Grieving with someone there to comfort you and hug you can also help it to not be overwhelming and process whats happened.
I hope this helps and you recover soon
. I know someone who this has happened to and it is an unthinkable thing to happen. They've recovered with EMDR therapy and it no longer affects them emotionally. Depending on the situation and what happens after, it could put your body into a state of alert where you feel, or subconsciously feel in danger. You can see if this has happened to you by testing your breathing rate at rest. Count how many times you breathe in and out in one minute, with a breath in and out counting as 1. I think above 20 means your in a state of alert. Definitely do EMDR therapy if this has happened as it processes whats happened and reprocesses your brain so it no longer thinks your in danger. Just talking to someone won't do this. Then you can move on with your life and it shouldn't affect you anymore
. It may be quicker to go privately but it can be very expensive (but worth every penny). You also may not need many sessions.But what your essentially going through is a grieving process and you're grieving what's happened to you. If you hold in or numb the emotion then you won't process whats happened and won't recover. So it's important to cry and let out the emotion, but because of the severity of what happened it can be overwhelming. This is where EMDR helps because it's done in a safe, controlled environment with someone there to help you. You can get an EMDR app, but don't do it if it gets too overwhelming.
If your on your own and crying, it can be comforting to hug yourself by wrapping your arms around yourself. Also keep telling yourself that your safe, it's not happening now and it's NOT your fault! People who it's happened to often feel shame and on some level feel it's their fault, but its NOT. Grieving with someone there to comfort you and hug you can also help it to not be overwhelming and process whats happened.
I hope this helps and you recover soon
