Feel like I just exist
After many stressful and hardworking years at university, I'm finally in a job within the area I studied. Lower position than I could be but I'm just happy to gain some sort of experience.
I hate it though, maybe if eventually I get to move up and become more involved rather than just cleaning and pressing buttons on a machine it might be different.
I've only been there 2 weeks though and some of the people there are really horrible, have no patience for new starts and act like they are the best. It makes me not want to reach their level and I feel too stupid now to actually go into the level that I could be at.
I hate it and then I come home to nothing. I've spent the 2 free days I have out of that dreadful place doing nothing as I have noone to do anything with and it's really getting to me now. So again, all weekend I've just been existing.
I understand I can't do something amazing every weekend but I have no-one to do anything with and both my sisters now have boyfriends and so I never see them now. I feel like a failure.
Is this normal? Like normal life? Working, coming home and doing nothing? How does everyone deal with the boredom?
The past year I've been trying to get a job and so it was a lot of boredom and loneliness really affected me. It always has really and I'm not the best socially but I don't think I'm that bad to have noone. With the new job I thought things might change but no. The people aren't that interested me, or wanting to hang out. I've never had a boyfriend.
I can't describe the level of how much I feel hopeless, lonely, depressed. I really thought this job would help or change things but it hasn't.
The one friend I did have never texts me back anymore.No reason for it and she helped me through a lot but that's affecting me now too as I'd like to think I have been a good friend.
If I disappeared no-one would care and I hate feeling so self pitying but it's the truth and nothing works.I've been wanting to see a Doctor for years but my parents are really against it as it stays on my medical records and that won't help me for the future/employment etc but I'm having really horrible thoughts lately and this weekend has been really bad. My parents are starting to get annoyed from it and don't understand. They can see I'm sad and a loner but just say that they tried their best and that's it. My life just isn't worth living.
I hate it though, maybe if eventually I get to move up and become more involved rather than just cleaning and pressing buttons on a machine it might be different.
I've only been there 2 weeks though and some of the people there are really horrible, have no patience for new starts and act like they are the best. It makes me not want to reach their level and I feel too stupid now to actually go into the level that I could be at.
I hate it and then I come home to nothing. I've spent the 2 free days I have out of that dreadful place doing nothing as I have noone to do anything with and it's really getting to me now. So again, all weekend I've just been existing.
I understand I can't do something amazing every weekend but I have no-one to do anything with and both my sisters now have boyfriends and so I never see them now. I feel like a failure.
Is this normal? Like normal life? Working, coming home and doing nothing? How does everyone deal with the boredom?
The past year I've been trying to get a job and so it was a lot of boredom and loneliness really affected me. It always has really and I'm not the best socially but I don't think I'm that bad to have noone. With the new job I thought things might change but no. The people aren't that interested me, or wanting to hang out. I've never had a boyfriend.
I can't describe the level of how much I feel hopeless, lonely, depressed. I really thought this job would help or change things but it hasn't.
The one friend I did have never texts me back anymore.No reason for it and she helped me through a lot but that's affecting me now too as I'd like to think I have been a good friend.
If I disappeared no-one would care and I hate feeling so self pitying but it's the truth and nothing works.I've been wanting to see a Doctor for years but my parents are really against it as it stays on my medical records and that won't help me for the future/employment etc but I'm having really horrible thoughts lately and this weekend has been really bad. My parents are starting to get annoyed from it and don't understand. They can see I'm sad and a loner but just say that they tried their best and that's it. My life just isn't worth living.
Okay, one: go to a doctor. Yes, it'll be on your medical records that you saw a doctor. You have access to those medical records, but they are not for the public. An employer cannot request them without you, and you don't have to agree. I don't see why an employer would ask for something like that, unless you were trying to go into space or something. Try and get out with your sisters. Yes, they have boyfriends. Sure, they're busy. Try and organise something for next weekend, or the weekend after. Even drinks after work or something. If you organise it in advance I don't see why there'd be any problems with them getting out to see you. I'm sorry things at work are so tough for you, but if you can make life out of work a bit more fun then maybe it'll be a bit easier to deal with. Is there anyone else at work a new starter at your level? You might be able to connect over your treatment from the other employees and you might find yourself a friend. You said some of them were bad. What about the ones that aren't? See if you can buddy up with them a bit. Maybe you could try and find a hobby. I know you probably don't want to, but if you can find some kind of club or even a fitness class then you'll have somewhere to get out to and you'll meet new people, so you'll likely make new friends there too. It can be a bit of a scary step to make if it's out of your comfort zone but it's definitely worth it. Really though, see a doctor. If your parents say no, screw them. They have no right to tell you not to get medical help when you need it. If you want and feel the need to see a doctor you have the right to do so. Don't neglect your needs just because someone advised you to. They don't even have to know. Take an afternoon off work to do it if you have to. I hope everything gets better for you.
