After many stressful and hardworking years at university, I'm finally in a job within the area I studied. Lower position than I could be but I'm just happy to gain some sort of experience.
I hate it though, maybe if eventually I get to move up and become more involved rather than just cleaning and pressing buttons on a machine it might be different.
I've only been there 2 weeks though and some of the people there are really horrible, have no patience for new starts and act like they are the best. It makes me not want to reach their level and I feel too stupid now to actually go into the level that I could be at.
I hate it and then I come home to nothing. I've spent the 2 free days I have out of that dreadful place doing nothing as I have noone to do anything with and it's really getting to me now. So again, all weekend I've just been existing.
I understand I can't do something amazing every weekend but I have no-one to do anything with and both my sisters now have boyfriends and so I never see them now. I feel like a failure.
Is this normal? Like normal life? Working, coming home and doing nothing? How does everyone deal with the boredom?
The past year I've been trying to get a job and so it was a lot of boredom and loneliness really affected me. It always has really and I'm not the best socially but I don't think I'm that bad to have noone. With the new job I thought things might change but no. The people aren't that interested me, or wanting to hang out. I've never had a boyfriend.
I can't describe the level of how much I feel hopeless, lonely, depressed. I really thought this job would help or change things but it hasn't.
The one friend I did have never texts me back anymore.No reason for it and she helped me through a lot but that's affecting me now too as I'd like to think I have been a good friend.
If I disappeared no-one would care and I hate feeling so self pitying but it's the truth and nothing works.I've been wanting to see a Doctor for years but my parents are really against it as it stays on my medical records and that won't help me for the future/employment etc but I'm having really horrible thoughts lately and this weekend has been really bad. My parents are starting to get annoyed from it and don't understand. They can see I'm sad and a loner but just say that they tried their best and that's it. My life just isn't worth living.
Feel like I just exist
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