Should we teach men to be more open, if so, then how?

I feel it’s quite a valid concern. I have had a lot of things to work through and was in a really dark place but it was really hard to open up to anyone. My friends were exactly like how you said saying stuff like… ‘Dude man up’ or ‘stop being so gay’. A lot of homophobia as well and when someone tries to open up they are overtly concerned with being treated as a ‘pussy’.

A lot of traditional gender roles do push the image of a manly man who never cries. No matter what happens there’s a pressure by others sometimes or maybe in their own minds to provide and be the man of the family.

I definitely think it’s a deep rooted problem and it needs to be discussed more so that people can see the problem and work towards making the situation better

Yeah, I mean asking questions like that or even an 'Are you ok? You can talk to me if you want' can go a long way.

It'll be hard for men to get used to this I guess because that might show their emotional side too, so it just gets ignored by everyone.
So definitely more of this -
4. Allowing discussions about opening up to become a normal part of male (or any gender) friendships.

Ah! That is so true. Definitely agree with you there. It might linger in their head even if the person who asked forgot about it or did not follow up.

Yeah, like you said unsolicited advice does not help. What @Stressed_0ut was saying, and I agree with was the fact that - when men have feelings it becomes a challenge to share it with others because of the traditional stereotype.

I think you misunderstood the topic here. I lost someone recently and I was told to get over it. Ever since I was a kid I was taught to hide my feelings because I am a man and when I feel like I want to open up, people are not ready.

I mean I decided I want to share and I was comfortable sharing it, but the majority of my friends were not receptive to it. Was it because they were bad friends or was it because it was too much info or was it because they did not care... who knows.

The fact still remains that when I was grieving, I was told to man up and get over it.

Yeah, I understand that. I do not care about them telling me those things, the problem here is why are men saying this in the first place? It's not like they are inherently evil. I feel because of this stereotype, men just brush away talking about their feelings compared to women. Of course, it's not all men but then again, why is there that hesitation? Wasn't it because of that stereotype?

Ok maybe here is another example, I was told by my ex to lift all the heavy things while we were moving. I refused to do it because of back pain, but she kept on saying stuff like, 'Aren't you a man? Why can't you do it?' So here I was upset and tried to share this with my friends. A lot of men agreed with her saying that I was weak, but in general women agreed more with me saying it was totally up to me to do it or not.

So who made this stereotype and even if you or me are not bothered by it, what about a young child? Will they have the choice to make an informed decision, or will they be affected by this problem will it propagate this stereotype more?

I know it doesn't but hey at least it's something. And as far as posts are concerned lol I have like 3 to 4 posts unanswered. TSR app is pretty weird at showing new content.

You all don't care about men, even men don't care about other men. When men speak out of it doesn't fit with the narrative, he's wrong or canceled that's a Major reason men don't speak out.

Yeah, I have experienced this. I was told to look at all the atrocities committed by men, and when I opened up about my past abuse, I was told to see what happens to women in general. I mean I understand but why deflect when you can just ignore or say ok I hear you. Why find comparisons and belittle someone's plight, smh.

Men do talk about their feelings, just not usually when women are in the room. In the same way that when girls are on their own without guys around, they are far more open to talking directly to each other about sex, periods etc.

What women say they want in men and what they actually choose are two different things. Women are screening men for attributes such as strength and success/social status. They will deny it or rationalise it as 'he's just my type', but women don't really want men that show vulnerability, emotion and talk about their personal struggles, particularly in the early stages of dating. So how can you expect men to behave in a way that is inversely correlated with their ability to connect with women.

interesting you say that. in my experience men are more willing to open up to women, rather than men. my whole life my best friends have always been strong men and they come to me when they want to talk about something rather than their guy friends.

not sure your second para is accurate; think just assuming things. are you female?

You're first sentence is true and not true at the same time. Men will open up to women in part, if they think it will be received well and not weaponised against them. There are many things that women just simply don't understand its got much, much worse the more men are removed from parenting. There are plenty of times a man will want to talk to another man, particularly on health issues, nothing worse than having problems in private areas or near by and seeing female Dr's for example but if we were to ask for a male, we are misogynistic.

His second paragraph is based on statistics, why else do you think women do better in divorce? Why else does money, height and ironically crime equal popularity with girls? Make a dating profile, 6 foot tall muscle 💪 well built tattooed male, previously reformed inside for drug dealing 22 year old, a 6 foot tall wealthy businessman, wearing average well fitting clothes, a 30 year old average build, stright laced with a 40k watch on and designer suit on vs a 5 3" average Joe, never been inside with a really honest well written, honest profile ... see how you get on. What girls want in reality vs what they say they want doesn't add up in particular when you observe the data.

What we have nowadays is a falsehood where girls are told they are perfect 10 whatever they are, and mostly they are not. Everyone thinks they are a 10 a high value women but the market decides a woman's worth. Men are used to this, they know they need to work to be a high value man. If they can't provide certain things they can't get a high value woman because guess what, the market decides and girls don't want to sh*g up with fat, short, broke guys ... that's just how it is. Lifes brutal! Its fine to tell guys they aren't all that, it's fine to tell men to go on a diet, its fine for women to lust after muscle bound guys with unrealistic figures and its fine for women to want unrealistic men who will freeze in cold rain on the way home for them, place their lives in danger to protect them, do all the dangerous tasks for zero reward but if a guy has preferred desires abd expectations he's shut down shamed and told to get back in line.

that might be true that that's what men think; they'll open up to women if they think it won't be weaponised against them.

but that doesn't negate my point that men are more willing to talk to women about their struggles rather than men,

penis problems aside.

from my perspective this is because men would rather talk to women because they don't want to seem weak in front of other men. are you male?

and the rest of your post is just a rant that is besides the point i was making or the previous user i quoted. we're talking about being vulnerable and opening up about your feelings, not whether you're tall, rich, tattooed and muscular. indeed you can do both at the same time which is what women want. are you female?

What women say they want in men and what they actually choose are two different things. Women are screening men for attributes such as strength and success/social status. They will deny it or rationalise it as 'he's just my type', but women don't really want men that show vulnerability, emotion and talk about their personal struggles, particularly in the early stages of dating. So how can you expect men to behave in a way that is inversely correlated with their ability to connect with women.

Interesting you recognise my point but instantly ignore it and use smoke n' mirrors tactics to leave this key and vital point regarding why men filter feelings in the dark by adding the below quote...



... trying to turn this into a some battle of who's point is right which clearly I said you were right and wrong at the same time. Let's focus on the points of male oppression not trying to "win" or disprove some argument,



See this is misandry in itself, you can't have a topic on how men won't speak about their problems/feeling them dismiss problems/feelings as unimportant.



Yes I'm male. Your perspective isn't true the truth is far, far deeper than this.



1) You see this is why this topic isn't deep enough or fit for such a huge complex societal issue. You can't talk about why men won't open up or talk about feelings if you are blocking the society stereotypes and the many ways in which men and women are treated unequally which contribute to this.

The deep rooted misandry in society which I feather like lightly touch on above is the reason men are not speaking out which is a reason they are dying early, won't seek medical advice, etc.

2) The point you replied to was about this post


So let's not be disingenuous, my points are only a "rant" to you because you don't wish to tackle the points raised.

what's my mirrors and tactics?

maybe don't quote me next time if you don't care to engage with it.

go to bed and sleep

Excellent content, a real deep counter argument presented.

The debate has benefitted greatly from your input as a man I now feel much more conformable about speaking up and opening out about my feelings

Meanwhile a man has ended his own existence due to societal pressures which some people ignore.