How to tell my parents I may have ADHD?
I'll try to keep this short so people actually read it, but I've been doing a lot of research and looking into this for over a year now and think I may have ADHD, and to a quite bad degree. Though it seems I am inattentive presenting, meaning I don't appear as the typical "ADHD kid" people expect to see; I don't really talk, I'm always zoned out and just keep to myself. I wanted to wait until I was 18 so I could get myself help but it has been getting worse recently and has been taking a big toll on my relationships, school work and mental health and I'm so exhausted.
I come from both a middle eastern and a religious/somewhat traditional background where having a mental illness brings shame on the family. I have tried to bring this up to my mom before and was met with her calling me a liar and that I was making this up. She is nice to me, she's been trying to get me a psychologist to talk to, yet she won't accept the idea of me having any actual conditions that cause the problems I'd be seeing a psychologist for?
She does not want me to see a doctor or get diagnosed because she thinks it will put me at a disadvantage in the future. I want to become a doctor, and denying someone a job because of mental health conditions is illegal- she doesn't listen.
How do I bring this up to her?
I come from both a middle eastern and a religious/somewhat traditional background where having a mental illness brings shame on the family. I have tried to bring this up to my mom before and was met with her calling me a liar and that I was making this up. She is nice to me, she's been trying to get me a psychologist to talk to, yet she won't accept the idea of me having any actual conditions that cause the problems I'd be seeing a psychologist for?
She does not want me to see a doctor or get diagnosed because she thinks it will put me at a disadvantage in the future. I want to become a doctor, and denying someone a job because of mental health conditions is illegal- she doesn't listen.
How do I bring this up to her?
Original post by Anonymous
I'll try to keep this short so people actually read it, but I've been doing a lot of research and looking into this for over a year now and think I may have ADHD, and to a quite bad degree. Though it seems I am inattentive presenting, meaning I don't appear as the typical "ADHD kid" people expect to see; I don't really talk, I'm always zoned out and just keep to myself. I wanted to wait until I was 18 so I could get myself help but it has been getting worse recently and has been taking a big toll on my relationships, school work and mental health and I'm so exhausted.
I come from both a middle eastern and a religious/somewhat traditional background where having a mental illness brings shame on the family. I have tried to bring this up to my mom before and was met with her calling me a liar and that I was making this up. She is nice to me, she's been trying to get me a psychologist to talk to, yet she won't accept the idea of me having any actual conditions that cause the problems I'd be seeing a psychologist for?
She does not want me to see a doctor or get diagnosed because she thinks it will put me at a disadvantage in the future. I want to become a doctor, and denying someone a job because of mental health conditions is illegal- she doesn't listen.
How do I bring this up to her?
I come from both a middle eastern and a religious/somewhat traditional background where having a mental illness brings shame on the family. I have tried to bring this up to my mom before and was met with her calling me a liar and that I was making this up. She is nice to me, she's been trying to get me a psychologist to talk to, yet she won't accept the idea of me having any actual conditions that cause the problems I'd be seeing a psychologist for?
She does not want me to see a doctor or get diagnosed because she thinks it will put me at a disadvantage in the future. I want to become a doctor, and denying someone a job because of mental health conditions is illegal- she doesn't listen.
How do I bring this up to her?
I'm sorry things are difficult, try talking to your GP via ask-my-GP, which if you're 16, I believe is confidential. is our resident doctor and can help more. Can you talk to a SENCO at your place of education?
Original post by CatInTheCorner
I'm sorry things are difficult, try talking to your GP via ask-my-GP, which if you're 16, I believe is confidential. @ecolier is our resident doctor and can help more. Can you talk to a SENCO at your place of education?
I just checked and my GP surgery does not use ask-my-GP or have online consultations as far as I can tell. I am over 16 and could go to my GP to mention this as I have booked my own appointments before, but I am pretty sure it will be almost impossible to get assessed without having my parents involved during the assessment stage.
I am not sure if my school has a SENCO, but we do have a councillor. I have been hesitant to go to them as I've heard some negative things regarding confidentiality problems, and I do not want to be flagged up as being at "risk", as my school does that to some students.
Original post by Anonymous
I just checked and my GP surgery does not use ask-my-GP or have online consultations as far as I can tell. I am over 16 and could go to my GP to mention this as I have booked my own appointments before, but I am pretty sure it will be almost impossible to get assessed without having my parents involved during the assessment stage.
I am not sure if my school has a SENCO, but we do have a councillor. I have been hesitant to go to them as I've heard some negative things regarding confidentiality problems, and I do not want to be flagged up as being at "risk", as my school does that to some students.
I am not sure if my school has a SENCO, but we do have a councillor. I have been hesitant to go to them as I've heard some negative things regarding confidentiality problems, and I do not want to be flagged up as being at "risk", as my school does that to some students.
Go to your GP to get this initiated - I'm sure your parents will want you to have the right support at uni. If you were not anon I could give more help ...
Do note: 'ADHD tends to run in families and, in most cases, it's thought the genes you inherit from your parents are a significant factor in developing the condition'
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/causes/
Original post by Muttley79
Go to your GP to get this initiated - I'm sure your parents will want you to have the right support at uni. If you were not anon I could give more help ...
Do note: 'ADHD tends to run in families and, in most cases, it's thought the genes you inherit from your parents are a significant factor in developing the condition'
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/causes/
Do note: 'ADHD tends to run in families and, in most cases, it's thought the genes you inherit from your parents are a significant factor in developing the condition'
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/causes/
I’m not fully sure how TSR works but if there’s DMs, I don’t mind messaging you personally if that would be fine with you too to get the help you’re offering.
Family presence is something I have noticed. Both of my brothers present with some ADHD symptoms, especially my oldest younger brother; my mom said it at some point when I had asked her to google executive dysfunction to understand me that she thought my brother had this more than I did (she also told me I was making up having it, so that’s fun). I know there are problematic family issues in my immediate and wider family, but it is very stigmatised and shameful to see a psychiatrist or get help for mental issues, so there is nobody I know who has similar conditions.
I also do not see my wider family often as I live overseas, so there’s no strong conclusions I can draw.
Original post by Muttley79
Go to your GP to get this initiated - I'm sure your parents will want you to have the right support at uni. If you were not anon I could give more help ...
Do note: 'ADHD tends to run in families and, in most cases, it's thought the genes you inherit from your parents are a significant factor in developing the condition'
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/causes/
Do note: 'ADHD tends to run in families and, in most cases, it's thought the genes you inherit from your parents are a significant factor in developing the condition'
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/causes/
I’m not fully sure how TSR works but if there’s DMs, I don’t mind messaging you personally if that would be fine with you too to get the help you’re offering.
Family presence is something I have noticed. Both of my brothers present with some ADHD symptoms, especially my oldest younger brother; my mom said it at some point when I had asked her to google executive dysfunction to understand me that she thought my brother had this more than I did (she also told me I was making up having it, so that’s fun). I know there are problematic family issues in my immediate and wider family, but it is very stigmatised and shameful to see a psychiatrist or get help for mental issues, so there is nobody I know who has similar conditions.
I also do not see my wider family often as I live overseas, so there’s no strong conclusions I can draw.
Original post by Anonymous
I’m not fully sure how TSR works but if there’s DMs, I don’t mind messaging you personally if that would be fine with you too to get the help you’re offering.
Family presence is something I have noticed. Both of my brothers present with some ADHD symptoms, especially my oldest younger brother; my mom said it at some point when I had asked her to google executive dysfunction to understand me that she thought my brother had this more than I did (she also told me I was making up having it, so that’s fun). I know there are problematic family issues in my immediate and wider family, but it is very stigmatised and shameful to see a psychiatrist or get help for mental issues, so there is nobody I know who has similar conditions.
I also do not see my wider family often as I live overseas, so there’s no strong conclusions I can draw.
Family presence is something I have noticed. Both of my brothers present with some ADHD symptoms, especially my oldest younger brother; my mom said it at some point when I had asked her to google executive dysfunction to understand me that she thought my brother had this more than I did (she also told me I was making up having it, so that’s fun). I know there are problematic family issues in my immediate and wider family, but it is very stigmatised and shameful to see a psychiatrist or get help for mental issues, so there is nobody I know who has similar conditions.
I also do not see my wider family often as I live overseas, so there’s no strong conclusions I can draw.
I managed to find that link and to make you aaware that its likely your mum or dad has ADHD to some extent!
Are you in the UK?
Original post by Muttley79
I managed to find that link and to make you aaware that its likely your mum or dad has ADHD to some extent!
Are you in the UK?
Are you in the UK?
Yup, I live in the UK and my healthcare is provided here.
Original post by Anonymous
Yup, I live in the UK and my healthcare is provided here.
The important thing is to get a diagnosis so you get DSA for university. Make a GP appointment,
I've looked into the adjusted time and think I'd benefit from it, and getting proper treatment/recognition would likely help me pick up my grades and maintain better relationships, too. It's just that I'm unsure of how to bring it up to my mom because she's so stubborn and insistent that there is nothing wrong me and only tells me that "it will pass with time" when it has only been getting smaller. Is there any sort of way of getting my parents to warm up to the idea?
Original post by Muttley79
The important thing is to get a diagnosis so you get DSA for university. Make a GP appointment,
What is DSA?
I may try to get an appointment arranged for this or next week, but I’m not sure what to tell my doctor. I’m sure I can figure it out, but I’ll also have to do it after school and get a friend to come with me so I can say I was hanging out with them because my parents ask where I was if I’m home later than usual.
Original post by Anonymous
What is DSA?
I may try to get an appointment arranged for this or next week, but I’m not sure what to tell my doctor. I’m sure I can figure it out, but I’ll also have to do it after school and get a friend to come with me so I can say I was hanging out with them because my parents ask where I was if I’m home later than usual.
I may try to get an appointment arranged for this or next week, but I’m not sure what to tell my doctor. I’m sure I can figure it out, but I’ll also have to do it after school and get a friend to come with me so I can say I was hanging out with them because my parents ask where I was if I’m home later than usual.
Read through this: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/
It might help you what to say to the doctor.
DSA is this: https://www.ucas.com/finance/additional-funding/disabled-students-allowance-dsa
They also work out what additional support you may benefit from e.g. additional time.
Original post by Anonymous
I'll try to keep this short so people actually read it, ...
Dear Anon,
I hope you've been able to talk to your parents since you posted. If not, I just wanted to say keep trying. If it's still hard, one approach that might work is to say you need more time in your exams to get the best grades that you can - and for that you need a diagnosis. Most parents will respond to the idea that they can help you get a higher grade!
More importantly, I wanted to say well done for getting to grips with your ADHD. It's brave of you and you will benefit from your courage. Most importantly of all, I wanted to say that if your parents have difficulty understanding, then you can get support elsewhere.
Some things I've noticed that may give you more confidence as you go forward: One is that other kids with ADHD are incredibly understanding and supportive of each other. Meeting them (especially at uni) will bolster your confidence and you may learn some techniques to get through your studies (such as "hyperfocus"). Secondly, unis seem to me to be much more supportive than schools. However, to get extra time in exams and help from DSA (disability grant) you need a diagnosis.
So, if you havent yet been to your GP, please book an appointment. The waiting list for diagnosis is ridiculously long, so get on it now without delay. You may be at university by the time you get diagnosed.
My daughter has ADHD which went undiagnosed when she was at school and she had a very hard time during her A-levels.
At uni she was diagnosed with ADHD by the other students who had it. But there was no stigma or shame, just nice supportive people. She changed from being frightened by her "differently wired" brain to feeling confident about tackling her work, mainly by accepting that she has to make adjustments in her approach. She no longer wastes energy blaming herself. It worked, and now she's got a place to do an MSc.
Good luck, I hope you'll find friends of the same calibre as hers, and that your parents give you all the support you deserve.
Get that doctor appointment booked, if you can, and start moving forwards
Best wishes
