signs of eating disorder in my little sister
hi,
idk who to go to so i’m asking young people alike.
my sister is 14 turning 15 soon, she’s recently gone through alot of **** like her friends sucked ass and everything and she’s kind of just ended up being alone in the library now as she’s fallen out with them. i’m not sure if this is a trigger but i feel like a large part is because of this even though she keeps insisting she “doesnt care” and wants to be alone. i agree being alone is nice but the way she was forcibly pushed away is the problem.
but she won’t talk to me, and when i’m worried i get angry so i just end up getting frustrated at her and then she blocks her ears and tells me to shutup and go away and everything and it’s just gotten worse.
i found out she isn’t eating when coming back from school waiting all the way until dinner (which she sometimes conpletely avoids as well)
and she isn’t taking lunch anymore, like she used to bring sandwiches and a snack and stuff and maybe a fruit in her cute lunchbox and then she stopped woth the extra bits and just sandwiches which is fine, but NOW she’s grabbing a singular slice of bread slopping it with something quick and concluding that as her lunch.
when i speak to her about it she instantly becomes extremely rude and horrible to me and tells me to go away and ignores me acting like i’m not there.
today i just asked “hey what did you have for lunch” and it took me half an hour to get it out of her because she kept saying “why do you need to know” “you dont need to know” and laughing at me.
eventually when she said a single slice of bread i said “okay hey can you make a sandwich instead please, no need to eat it all at lunch you can eat just a single half and eat the other half after school” and she kept saying “no why tf would i do that” and like “thats pointless im not even hungry ill just make one slice” and kept refusing to just make a LJTERAL SANDWICH eventually i got mad and it became me just getting angry at a stupid fcking wall cause she blocked her ears and kept saying no and thats useless ill just eat when im home (which she DOES NOT DO) until eventually the noise got my mum mad who came over, i told her my concerns, my sister got even more angry and rude EVEN TO OUR MOTHER. it’s disgusting and idk what to do.
she wasnt like this before she used to be sweet and im trying so hard not to get mad at her but she doesnt bloody talk to me how tf am i supposed to understand why shes acting up??
idk who to go to so i’m asking young people alike.
my sister is 14 turning 15 soon, she’s recently gone through alot of **** like her friends sucked ass and everything and she’s kind of just ended up being alone in the library now as she’s fallen out with them. i’m not sure if this is a trigger but i feel like a large part is because of this even though she keeps insisting she “doesnt care” and wants to be alone. i agree being alone is nice but the way she was forcibly pushed away is the problem.
but she won’t talk to me, and when i’m worried i get angry so i just end up getting frustrated at her and then she blocks her ears and tells me to shutup and go away and everything and it’s just gotten worse.
i found out she isn’t eating when coming back from school waiting all the way until dinner (which she sometimes conpletely avoids as well)
and she isn’t taking lunch anymore, like she used to bring sandwiches and a snack and stuff and maybe a fruit in her cute lunchbox and then she stopped woth the extra bits and just sandwiches which is fine, but NOW she’s grabbing a singular slice of bread slopping it with something quick and concluding that as her lunch.
when i speak to her about it she instantly becomes extremely rude and horrible to me and tells me to go away and ignores me acting like i’m not there.
today i just asked “hey what did you have for lunch” and it took me half an hour to get it out of her because she kept saying “why do you need to know” “you dont need to know” and laughing at me.
eventually when she said a single slice of bread i said “okay hey can you make a sandwich instead please, no need to eat it all at lunch you can eat just a single half and eat the other half after school” and she kept saying “no why tf would i do that” and like “thats pointless im not even hungry ill just make one slice” and kept refusing to just make a LJTERAL SANDWICH eventually i got mad and it became me just getting angry at a stupid fcking wall cause she blocked her ears and kept saying no and thats useless ill just eat when im home (which she DOES NOT DO) until eventually the noise got my mum mad who came over, i told her my concerns, my sister got even more angry and rude EVEN TO OUR MOTHER. it’s disgusting and idk what to do.
she wasnt like this before she used to be sweet and im trying so hard not to get mad at her but she doesnt bloody talk to me how tf am i supposed to understand why shes acting up??
Hey i totally understand where you're coming from, my little sis was going through a lot last year but more with her body image and ended up throwing up food and doing weird things like bending down to touch the floor and trying her best to walk the longest way possible wothout cutting corners, it was worrying and annoying for me too and usually ended up shouting at her but out of concern, maybe you have to realise there isnt much you can do to change her trust me ive tried but showing her some love wether its by making sandwiches for her anf working hard to have the best relationship possible, becoming her best friend can help, hope everything works out for you x
hey, i've struggled w disordered eating (i dont want to say eating disorder for fear of self diagnosing but honestly atp) for nearly 2 years (ofc this is nowhere near as long as a lot of ppl and my heart goes out to them), ive got a lot of close friends and family with various eating disorders and eating problems, and ive done a lot of research. you havent included much detail in your post except that shes been eating significantly less and being aggressive about it, and while that's def a warning sign its not enough to be certain/confront her about it. here are other possible indicators:
look at her behaviour while she eats. does she try to distract you from seeing the amount she puts/leaves on her plate (by talking a lot, or arranging her food so it looks like more/smearing leftovers around her plate so she can leave more food)? does she eat abnormally slowly/cut food into small pieces/get irritable, nervous, or otherwise uncomfortable while eating?
has she been talking of dieting at all? or researching dieting? a good way to check the latter would be (not to go through her search history pls theres nothing worse even if youre desperate) to say anything factually incorrect about weight loss in front of her - she'll almost definitely correct you if she knows more than she "should".
outside of food, something ive seen really commonly is chewing gum all the time/drinking excessive amounts of water/having diet drinks often. gum keeps your mouth occupied, water and diet drinks keep you full. theyre all classic disordered things. have you noticed any negative self-talk on her part? on any subject - eating disorders dont only ruin your relationship with your body but also make you dislike almost every aspect of yourself.
an important one: has anyone in your family struggled with eating disorders, or even any addiction? its a repeating pattern in people like me - mothers in particular displaying unhealthy examples around food and ingraining them into their children, on top of the genetic factor. almost everyone i know with an eating disorder has at least one family member who had/has one too (i have, what, 5 family members with eds that i know of? including my sister and mother).
if she has a history of poor mental health AND body image, i'd be particularly wary.
if she does have an eating disorder, it's better to talk to her about it asap - she'll deny it and get angry but these disorders are sneaky and they take root fast. once the damage is done, its done - only 20% recover fully, 60% are in and out of recovery their whole lives, and the remaining 20% die. i can't stress enough the importance of quick action, especially if shes taking up starving herself as a coping mechanism. with my sister, our parents (my family mostly doesnt know about my eating habits) noticed far too late, made her gain weight by threatening her with inpatient, and essentially did not fix her problem at all (id go so far as to say they made it worse). i'd say the best thing you can do is sincerely try to understand the struggle, i think the reason my sister kept confiding in me through it all is that i never judged her (for reasons that she'll hopefully never know) and tried to understand even where our experiences diverged completely.
eating disorder sufferers are incredibly hard to help - mostly because a lot of them dont want help. they think they "need" their disease because it will make them thin or help them cope. watching a family member or friend destroy themselves like that triggers a reaction in us that is protective and ofc terrified, while they trivialise their issue and continue feeding their disorder (pun fully intended, i cope with humour lmao). its painful, especially when you realise how powerless you are - bc eating disorders are mental disorders and even when a person seems recovered, the thoughts are often still there ("your thighs are fat" "skip lunch today" "you dont deserve to eat") and relapse usually comes fast.
overall, eating disorders are horrible and an extremely sensitive topic for both sufferers and their loved ones - you'd better hope (and i sure do) that your sister doesnt have one, because its hell. please take good care of her as far as youre able.
look at her behaviour while she eats. does she try to distract you from seeing the amount she puts/leaves on her plate (by talking a lot, or arranging her food so it looks like more/smearing leftovers around her plate so she can leave more food)? does she eat abnormally slowly/cut food into small pieces/get irritable, nervous, or otherwise uncomfortable while eating?
has she been talking of dieting at all? or researching dieting? a good way to check the latter would be (not to go through her search history pls theres nothing worse even if youre desperate) to say anything factually incorrect about weight loss in front of her - she'll almost definitely correct you if she knows more than she "should".
outside of food, something ive seen really commonly is chewing gum all the time/drinking excessive amounts of water/having diet drinks often. gum keeps your mouth occupied, water and diet drinks keep you full. theyre all classic disordered things. have you noticed any negative self-talk on her part? on any subject - eating disorders dont only ruin your relationship with your body but also make you dislike almost every aspect of yourself.
an important one: has anyone in your family struggled with eating disorders, or even any addiction? its a repeating pattern in people like me - mothers in particular displaying unhealthy examples around food and ingraining them into their children, on top of the genetic factor. almost everyone i know with an eating disorder has at least one family member who had/has one too (i have, what, 5 family members with eds that i know of? including my sister and mother).
if she has a history of poor mental health AND body image, i'd be particularly wary.
if she does have an eating disorder, it's better to talk to her about it asap - she'll deny it and get angry but these disorders are sneaky and they take root fast. once the damage is done, its done - only 20% recover fully, 60% are in and out of recovery their whole lives, and the remaining 20% die. i can't stress enough the importance of quick action, especially if shes taking up starving herself as a coping mechanism. with my sister, our parents (my family mostly doesnt know about my eating habits) noticed far too late, made her gain weight by threatening her with inpatient, and essentially did not fix her problem at all (id go so far as to say they made it worse). i'd say the best thing you can do is sincerely try to understand the struggle, i think the reason my sister kept confiding in me through it all is that i never judged her (for reasons that she'll hopefully never know) and tried to understand even where our experiences diverged completely.
eating disorder sufferers are incredibly hard to help - mostly because a lot of them dont want help. they think they "need" their disease because it will make them thin or help them cope. watching a family member or friend destroy themselves like that triggers a reaction in us that is protective and ofc terrified, while they trivialise their issue and continue feeding their disorder (pun fully intended, i cope with humour lmao). its painful, especially when you realise how powerless you are - bc eating disorders are mental disorders and even when a person seems recovered, the thoughts are often still there ("your thighs are fat" "skip lunch today" "you dont deserve to eat") and relapse usually comes fast.
overall, eating disorders are horrible and an extremely sensitive topic for both sufferers and their loved ones - you'd better hope (and i sure do) that your sister doesnt have one, because its hell. please take good care of her as far as youre able.
Is there a moment where perhaps she is slightly calm..maubr when your doing something nice together, going for a walk or something choose the right time you could ask her gently of she's okay and if there is anything she'd like to talk to you about it anyone about. Or say it seems like you are finding things difficult at the moment, is this true. Like a gentler way of approaching it rather than naming things for her.
Listen and just say emphasise you are always there for her. Try not to get annoyed in front of her as this could be perceived in the wrong way. I can hear your desperate but don't put pressure.
How old are you? Can you speak to your parents, let them try maybe. Or could you get another safe adult to speak to her. However importantly you must not bombard her like get loads of people to check in on her. Don't give an impression your talking about her, spying on her.
Hope this helps. I can hear you and really hope your okay
Listen and just say emphasise you are always there for her. Try not to get annoyed in front of her as this could be perceived in the wrong way. I can hear your desperate but don't put pressure.
How old are you? Can you speak to your parents, let them try maybe. Or could you get another safe adult to speak to her. However importantly you must not bombard her like get loads of people to check in on her. Don't give an impression your talking about her, spying on her.
Hope this helps. I can hear you and really hope your okay
I know you are well intentioned, but stop berating her about how much she is eating. It's not helpful- it won't help her normalise her food intake or address underlying issues.
r u here bro or sis? if u r her brother she might feel more comfortable talking to a girl/woman cos personally (i'm a girl btw) i would feel that way i'm not trying 2 put u down u can still talk 2 her no matter ur gender but that might help.....?? also if u think she needs one mayb a counseller could work???
very often eating disorders are results of other issues, not the issue on it's own. I don't think you will be able to change things by making her eat, most likely she will get defensive. You can try to approach it by getting closer to her, talk about what's happening in your lives in general, give each other a nice compliment or confidence boost sometimes. If you need an idea - tell her you need a confidence boost daily, and make a habit that every day before sleeping you say one compliment to each other, even when it's awkward. Push through the awkwardness, do it anyways and insist to hear one back - you will see the impact it has. She will feel appreciated even despite awkwardness and those small compliments will stay with her. My big sister did this when I had confidence issues some time back, and I still remember some things we said to each other - even though it was really weird at first.
You can also chat to a counsellor about it and encourage her to do the same. It's good for everyone, worth to try
You can also chat to a counsellor about it and encourage her to do the same. It's good for everyone, worth to try
