Considering walking away from my family and friends.
I know that everyone has a lot of personal problems and family problems but I have no one to turn to so I thought I just post on here, this may be long, if it is, I apologies.
I was born into what I consider to be a dysfunctional and toxic family. There was constant arguing going on, my brother and sister were always getting away with things and I ended up having to clean up after them, they refused to go to school, we had 20+ social workers who came in and out. It was carnage.
My mother was a single parent, her mental health wasn't in the best state, I do feel that I was let down by the system that was there to protect us. Although we constantly argued we never did it in front of our mother as she was a survivor of domestic abuse and had PTSD so we didn't want to trigger her flashbacks.
I went round a friends house one day and saw the way she was communicating with her two brothers and family, it did make me realise the way my siblings and I acted wasn't normal. The first thing I tried to do to change it was have discussions with them instead of shouting but they always shouted at me.
I feel that I tried all I can to fix our relationship, I tried learning about their interests to become more involved, I tried to meet their friends but they wouldn't let me. I tried to do fun activities and they wouldn't participate, I tried talking to them, they'd just ignore me.
When covid came around my mother caught it and unfortunately she passed away from it during the first wave. I thought our mothers death would have brought us closer but I realised I was wrong. We all have our own places now and one of my siblings got married and had a baby, I when I found out there was going to be a baby I tried to fix the relationship by trying different ways I never tried previously but it still didn't work.
As we don't live together anymore we'd argue on WhatsApp whenever we have a fight. I recently found out after our last fight my sister got my "best friend" to send every single screenshot of our messages to her. I quoted "best friend" as maybe I'm over reacting but if I was in her situation I wouldn't have done it at all no matter how many times they asked.
I also found out during the same argument that my siblings told my next door neighbour about our previous argument and anything I told him about my siblings he has told straight to my siblings.
I've had enough of this now, I've been considering walking away from my family and friends. I managed to privately rent a long term flat that's a 20 minute walk away from the university I'm going to this September, it's affordable long term, it's not local from where I currently live, it's a three hour drive away.
My family and friends don't even know I got into university as I haven't informed them yet. The trouble is if I walk away from my family I have to walk away from my friends too as they don't keep secrets and if I sent any friends my address my family would get the address straight away.
I'm also planning on changing my name via deedpoll. Although I'm considering walking away from my family and friends, and I think I will, there's a little part of me that goes "What if this happens as a result?" "What if that happens?" etc.
Am I doing the right thing?
I was born into what I consider to be a dysfunctional and toxic family. There was constant arguing going on, my brother and sister were always getting away with things and I ended up having to clean up after them, they refused to go to school, we had 20+ social workers who came in and out. It was carnage.
My mother was a single parent, her mental health wasn't in the best state, I do feel that I was let down by the system that was there to protect us. Although we constantly argued we never did it in front of our mother as she was a survivor of domestic abuse and had PTSD so we didn't want to trigger her flashbacks.
I went round a friends house one day and saw the way she was communicating with her two brothers and family, it did make me realise the way my siblings and I acted wasn't normal. The first thing I tried to do to change it was have discussions with them instead of shouting but they always shouted at me.
I feel that I tried all I can to fix our relationship, I tried learning about their interests to become more involved, I tried to meet their friends but they wouldn't let me. I tried to do fun activities and they wouldn't participate, I tried talking to them, they'd just ignore me.
When covid came around my mother caught it and unfortunately she passed away from it during the first wave. I thought our mothers death would have brought us closer but I realised I was wrong. We all have our own places now and one of my siblings got married and had a baby, I when I found out there was going to be a baby I tried to fix the relationship by trying different ways I never tried previously but it still didn't work.
As we don't live together anymore we'd argue on WhatsApp whenever we have a fight. I recently found out after our last fight my sister got my "best friend" to send every single screenshot of our messages to her. I quoted "best friend" as maybe I'm over reacting but if I was in her situation I wouldn't have done it at all no matter how many times they asked.
I also found out during the same argument that my siblings told my next door neighbour about our previous argument and anything I told him about my siblings he has told straight to my siblings.
I've had enough of this now, I've been considering walking away from my family and friends. I managed to privately rent a long term flat that's a 20 minute walk away from the university I'm going to this September, it's affordable long term, it's not local from where I currently live, it's a three hour drive away.
My family and friends don't even know I got into university as I haven't informed them yet. The trouble is if I walk away from my family I have to walk away from my friends too as they don't keep secrets and if I sent any friends my address my family would get the address straight away.
I'm also planning on changing my name via deedpoll. Although I'm considering walking away from my family and friends, and I think I will, there's a little part of me that goes "What if this happens as a result?" "What if that happens?" etc.
Am I doing the right thing?
It is your life, nobody else can advise you on anything. Make the best decision yourself, because you know what are the pros and cons.
Original post by Anonymous
I know that everyone has a lot of personal problems and family problems but I have no one to turn to so I thought I just post on here, this may be long, if it is, I apologies.
I was born into what I consider to be a dysfunctional and toxic family. There was constant arguing going on, my brother and sister were always getting away with things and I ended up having to clean up after them, they refused to go to school, we had 20+ social workers who came in and out. It was carnage.
My mother was a single parent, her mental health wasn't in the best state, I do feel that I was let down by the system that was there to protect us. Although we constantly argued we never did it in front of our mother as she was a survivor of domestic abuse and had PTSD so we didn't want to trigger her flashbacks.
I went round a friends house one day and saw the way she was communicating with her two brothers and family, it did make me realise the way my siblings and I acted wasn't normal. The first thing I tried to do to change it was have discussions with them instead of shouting but they always shouted at me.
I feel that I tried all I can to fix our relationship, I tried learning about their interests to become more involved, I tried to meet their friends but they wouldn't let me. I tried to do fun activities and they wouldn't participate, I tried talking to them, they'd just ignore me.
When covid came around my mother caught it and unfortunately she passed away from it during the first wave. I thought our mothers death would have brought us closer but I realised I was wrong. We all have our own places now and one of my siblings got married and had a baby, I when I found out there was going to be a baby I tried to fix the relationship by trying different ways I never tried previously but it still didn't work.
As we don't live together anymore we'd argue on WhatsApp whenever we have a fight. I recently found out after our last fight my sister got my "best friend" to send every single screenshot of our messages to her. I quoted "best friend" as maybe I'm over reacting but if I was in her situation I wouldn't have done it at all no matter how many times they asked.
I also found out during the same argument that my siblings told my next door neighbour about our previous argument and anything I told him about my siblings he has told straight to my siblings.
I've had enough of this now, I've been considering walking away from my family and friends. I managed to privately rent a long term flat that's a 20 minute walk away from the university I'm going to this September, it's affordable long term, it's not local from where I currently live, it's a three hour drive away.
My family and friends don't even know I got into university as I haven't informed them yet. The trouble is if I walk away from my family I have to walk away from my friends too as they don't keep secrets and if I sent any friends my address my family would get the address straight away.
I'm also planning on changing my name via deedpoll. Although I'm considering walking away from my family and friends, and I think I will, there's a little part of me that goes "What if this happens as a result?" "What if that happens?" etc.
Am I doing the right thing?
I was born into what I consider to be a dysfunctional and toxic family. There was constant arguing going on, my brother and sister were always getting away with things and I ended up having to clean up after them, they refused to go to school, we had 20+ social workers who came in and out. It was carnage.
My mother was a single parent, her mental health wasn't in the best state, I do feel that I was let down by the system that was there to protect us. Although we constantly argued we never did it in front of our mother as she was a survivor of domestic abuse and had PTSD so we didn't want to trigger her flashbacks.
I went round a friends house one day and saw the way she was communicating with her two brothers and family, it did make me realise the way my siblings and I acted wasn't normal. The first thing I tried to do to change it was have discussions with them instead of shouting but they always shouted at me.
I feel that I tried all I can to fix our relationship, I tried learning about their interests to become more involved, I tried to meet their friends but they wouldn't let me. I tried to do fun activities and they wouldn't participate, I tried talking to them, they'd just ignore me.
When covid came around my mother caught it and unfortunately she passed away from it during the first wave. I thought our mothers death would have brought us closer but I realised I was wrong. We all have our own places now and one of my siblings got married and had a baby, I when I found out there was going to be a baby I tried to fix the relationship by trying different ways I never tried previously but it still didn't work.
As we don't live together anymore we'd argue on WhatsApp whenever we have a fight. I recently found out after our last fight my sister got my "best friend" to send every single screenshot of our messages to her. I quoted "best friend" as maybe I'm over reacting but if I was in her situation I wouldn't have done it at all no matter how many times they asked.
I also found out during the same argument that my siblings told my next door neighbour about our previous argument and anything I told him about my siblings he has told straight to my siblings.
I've had enough of this now, I've been considering walking away from my family and friends. I managed to privately rent a long term flat that's a 20 minute walk away from the university I'm going to this September, it's affordable long term, it's not local from where I currently live, it's a three hour drive away.
My family and friends don't even know I got into university as I haven't informed them yet. The trouble is if I walk away from my family I have to walk away from my friends too as they don't keep secrets and if I sent any friends my address my family would get the address straight away.
I'm also planning on changing my name via deedpoll. Although I'm considering walking away from my family and friends, and I think I will, there's a little part of me that goes "What if this happens as a result?" "What if that happens?" etc.
Am I doing the right thing?
For your peace's sake, I think you should walk away for sometime. You're clearly not happy in this situation, so my advice is take a break from all these and find new friends/hobbies. You have a life to live not to impress your siblings coz clearly your efforts have been futile. I hope you find your peace soon
Damn, why are your ''friends'' such disloyal snakes? If they respected you and your privacy they wouldn't go spilling everything to your siblings?
Original post by Sorcerer of Old
Damn, why are your ''friends'' such disloyal snakes? If they respected you and your privacy they wouldn't go spilling everything to your siblings?
Thank you, your comment has made me realise I had the right to be mad, I'm not going to lie, I was in a full on rage as I felt a massive sense of disrespect as I wouldn't do that to anyone.
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you, your comment has made me realise I had the right to be mad, I'm not going to lie, I was in a full on rage as I felt a massive sense of disrespect as I wouldn't do that to anyone.
Absolutely agree, you have every right to be upset with people who are meant to have your back and actually try to help you. You need to assess whether you really want to have friends like these in your life and if not then your decision to leave them all behind could be made easier.
(edited 10 months ago)
At least stay away from them for a while, and then if you still believe that's the best thing to do, go for it. You are the only one who knows exactly what you're going through, but it seems like you and your family don't fit together, and your friends don't seem to be particularly good friends, no offence to you. Try starting again I guess, and making new friends and get used to a more peaceful life. I know I need that, and I've got smaller problems than you.
I'm sorry that you lost your mum in all that, but if even that didn't get your siblings to get their act together im not sure what will. You are allowed to be your own human being. Only you should control what you do, don't let others who are trying to take advantage of you and put you down influence what you do.
I hope this helped, good luck!
I'm sorry that you lost your mum in all that, but if even that didn't get your siblings to get their act together im not sure what will. You are allowed to be your own human being. Only you should control what you do, don't let others who are trying to take advantage of you and put you down influence what you do.
I hope this helped, good luck!
I thought I post a little update even though it’s been only 24 hours.
After reading all your comments, I decided you were all right, I need a break. I’ve already had a flat secured and booked a moving van for August.
I’m not telling anyone at all that I’m moving. Although I don’t know for certain, I genuinely think that I won’t ever get back in touch with my family and “friends” again.
I do have an address book so I’ve got all their contacts saved in case I change my mind. I have ordered myself a new SIM card so I can change my phone number. I also deleted my current email address and set up a new email.
Today I felt really happy, I don’t think I’ve been this happy and relax in a long time.
I’ve booked a moving van for the time most of my neighbours are at work so they can’t tell my family I’m moving. It’s something I’m worried about as I don’t trust no one anymore, not surprising, I know.
After reading all your comments, I decided you were all right, I need a break. I’ve already had a flat secured and booked a moving van for August.
I’m not telling anyone at all that I’m moving. Although I don’t know for certain, I genuinely think that I won’t ever get back in touch with my family and “friends” again.
I do have an address book so I’ve got all their contacts saved in case I change my mind. I have ordered myself a new SIM card so I can change my phone number. I also deleted my current email address and set up a new email.
Today I felt really happy, I don’t think I’ve been this happy and relax in a long time.
I’ve booked a moving van for the time most of my neighbours are at work so they can’t tell my family I’m moving. It’s something I’m worried about as I don’t trust no one anymore, not surprising, I know.
Original post by Anonymous
I thought I post a little update even though it’s been only 24 hours.
After reading all your comments, I decided you were all right, I need a break. I’ve already had a flat secured and booked a moving van for August.
I’m not telling anyone at all that I’m moving. Although I don’t know for certain, I genuinely think that I won’t ever get back in touch with my family and “friends” again.
I do have an address book so I’ve got all their contacts saved in case I change my mind. I have ordered myself a new SIM card so I can change my phone number. I also deleted my current email address and set up a new email.
Today I felt really happy, I don’t think I’ve been this happy and relax in a long time.
I’ve booked a moving van for the time most of my neighbours are at work so they can’t tell my family I’m moving. It’s something I’m worried about as I don’t trust no one anymore, not surprising, I know.
After reading all your comments, I decided you were all right, I need a break. I’ve already had a flat secured and booked a moving van for August.
I’m not telling anyone at all that I’m moving. Although I don’t know for certain, I genuinely think that I won’t ever get back in touch with my family and “friends” again.
I do have an address book so I’ve got all their contacts saved in case I change my mind. I have ordered myself a new SIM card so I can change my phone number. I also deleted my current email address and set up a new email.
Today I felt really happy, I don’t think I’ve been this happy and relax in a long time.
I’ve booked a moving van for the time most of my neighbours are at work so they can’t tell my family I’m moving. It’s something I’m worried about as I don’t trust no one anymore, not surprising, I know.
Congrats! I'm happy for you. Since you're already feeling better about it, then it seems that was the right thing for you. All I can do now is wish you luck, and hope that you can start again and make new friends!!! I've got my fingers crossed for you!
Sounds like it's time to walk away and go NC. 
Your 'friends' do not sound at all friendly.
Remember that life is too short to waste your valuable time and energy on anyone that does not bring much/anything that is positive to your life.
Put your own happiness and ambitions first as you work toward building the happy future life that you want.
I understand some of how you are feeling, I escaped from a toxic and controlling household 10 years ago.
Am NC and will never allow my surviving 3 ancestors any involvement nor access to info about my life.
Good luck!
Your 'friends' do not sound at all friendly.
Remember that life is too short to waste your valuable time and energy on anyone that does not bring much/anything that is positive to your life.
Put your own happiness and ambitions first as you work toward building the happy future life that you want.
I understand some of how you are feeling, I escaped from a toxic and controlling household 10 years ago.
Am NC and will never allow my surviving 3 ancestors any involvement nor access to info about my life.
Good luck!
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