I just graduated doing a bioscience degree and my original semblance of a 'plan' was to do graduate medicine since I didn't get the grades to do undergraduate medicine. I got a 2:2 so we all know I basically can't do graduate medicine now (the requirement for like 98% of schools is a 2:1) unless I do amazing*on the admission tests and accept*going to the only university in the country that'll take me. I do not like academia at all I actually hate it so I don't even want to do a masters or*anything like that to 'help my chances'.
medicine is interesting to me, but so are a lot of things. I do not have a passion for anything at all*and I can’t think of a single career that would ‘fulfil’ me in life. I do still want to do medicine I guess, but my idea of being a doctor is very reductionist because I still have a very juvenile mind—*like being a doctor to me is like being Jack in the tv show Lost lol. but there is no passion for anything. I do not wake up in the morning thinking “wow I really love the respiratory system”, or “omg red blood cells are so fascinating!!” like no it’s not like that I do find human anatomy interesting but it’s not a passion or excitement for it. I often ask myself: if society and capitalism didn’t exist and we all had everything we needed to live etc. then would I pick up a biology/medicine*book? then I think yes I probably would! because I find anatomy interesting like I said, but I wouldn’t be testing myself over it, I wouldn’t undergo academic stress or*start talking about it randomly in my conversations …* I guess I am different to the majority of people who were in my degree who were*actually passionate about the subject and the modules*and would*be reading stuff in their spare time.*
I planned to take a gap year before any further study but even so I do not know what to do now.
it also doesn't help that I also struggle with quite debilitating anxiety and depression currently, so maybe that's what is affecting my "bleak" or "pessimistic" view of life, but actually*I just think I'm being real. and honestly i think only a handful of people actually have a passion or a zest for life anyway, there are lots of people living*monotonous unhappy lives in jobs they dont care about. maybe i just need to wake up and join the rest of them.