Idk what is wrong with me
I am aware im posting this on a public platform so if you have anything to say or any comments feel free. I’m not looking for a diagnosis- just like a possible explanation or if someone can tell me if it’s normal or not. I’ve always been alone- never physically but always emotionally. I have friends & I wouldn’t say I struggle to make friends but like I can never trust my friends? If that makes sense. The older I got, I’d separate myself from my family due to me just not getting along with any of them especially my parents and I've spent a lot of my teenage years alone in my bedroom. Around the age of 13-15 I experienced very strong idk what to call them but like symptoms? I absolutely loved and enjoyed being alone, I’d always be on my phone and then I started picking up odd habits such as speaking to myself. When I say that I mean I would sit there in my room, staring at nothing, having full blown conversations in my head and then I realised as I was doing this I’d whisper to myself and the emotions the people in my head had- I’d feel in real life like if someone in my head died I’d genuinely be hit by grief even though they aren’t real. At one point I spent about 6-8 hours in the shower not realising how long I’d been in there having these discussions. At the time too I’d neglected myself and had very poor hygiene (matted hair & hadn’t showered in over 2 months). Then from the age of 17 til now I realised I’m doing the same thing that I did before, my hair is currently matted and I still speak to myself, I kind of find it entertaining to some extent but like I can’t really control it. When I try to concentrate my mind just makes up more stories as I lose focus. A lot of the time the stories in my head aren’t bad it’s just like me having super powers or me having a family of my own or it’s often me playing the main character in movies or shows I’ve recently watched but recently it’s starting to get a bit darker. I know tiktok isn’t the most reliable place but I seen a tiktok discussing something similar to this and a lot of people in the comments say they do it too so I’m confused whether or not what I do is an issue or not. I find it difficult to be in public settings/being with people for long periods of time because I can’t be my true self, I can’t openly speak to myself without seeming like a weird person and I just don’t know what to do now
Original post by Anonymous
I am aware im posting this on a public platform so if you have anything to say or any comments feel free. I’m not looking for a diagnosis- just like a possible explanation or if someone can tell me if it’s normal or not. I’ve always been alone- never physically but always emotionally. I have friends & I wouldn’t say I struggle to make friends but like I can never trust my friends? If that makes sense. The older I got, I’d separate myself from my family due to me just not getting along with any of them especially my parents and I've spent a lot of my teenage years alone in my bedroom. Around the age of 13-15 I experienced very strong idk what to call them but like symptoms? I absolutely loved and enjoyed being alone, I’d always be on my phone and then I started picking up odd habits such as speaking to myself. When I say that I mean I would sit there in my room, staring at nothing, having full blown conversations in my head and then I realised as I was doing this I’d whisper to myself and the emotions the people in my head had- I’d feel in real life like if someone in my head died I’d genuinely be hit by grief even though they aren’t real. At one point I spent about 6-8 hours in the shower not realising how long I’d been in there having these discussions. At the time too I’d neglected myself and had very poor hygiene (matted hair & hadn’t showered in over 2 months). Then from the age of 17 til now I realised I’m doing the same thing that I did before, my hair is currently matted and I still speak to myself, I kind of find it entertaining to some extent but like I can’t really control it. When I try to concentrate my mind just makes up more stories as I lose focus. A lot of the time the stories in my head aren’t bad it’s just like me having super powers or me having a family of my own or it’s often me playing the main character in movies or shows I’ve recently watched but recently it’s starting to get a bit darker. I know tiktok isn’t the most reliable place but I seen a tiktok discussing something similar to this and a lot of people in the comments say they do it too so I’m confused whether or not what I do is an issue or not. I find it difficult to be in public settings/being with people for long periods of time because I can’t be my true self, I can’t openly speak to myself without seeming like a weird person and I just don’t know what to do now
I would really suggest you get some professional help, there is nothing wrong with that, make sure u treat urself with kindness and now that u have acknowledged this issue , u can take teh next step in getting help...
you've done great in conveying your situation, but you may want to look into finding help- as this isn't normal. Good luck (:
Original post by Anonymous
I am aware im posting this on a public platform so if you have anything to say or any comments feel free. I’m not looking for a diagnosis- just like a possible explanation or if someone can tell me if it’s normal or not. I’ve always been alone- never physically but always emotionally. I have friends & I wouldn’t say I struggle to make friends but like I can never trust my friends? If that makes sense. The older I got, I’d separate myself from my family due to me just not getting along with any of them especially my parents and I've spent a lot of my teenage years alone in my bedroom. Around the age of 13-15 I experienced very strong idk what to call them but like symptoms? I absolutely loved and enjoyed being alone, I’d always be on my phone and then I started picking up odd habits such as speaking to myself. When I say that I mean I would sit there in my room, staring at nothing, having full blown conversations in my head and then I realised as I was doing this I’d whisper to myself and the emotions the people in my head had- I’d feel in real life like if someone in my head died I’d genuinely be hit by grief even though they aren’t real. At one point I spent about 6-8 hours in the shower not realising how long I’d been in there having these discussions. At the time too I’d neglected myself and had very poor hygiene (matted hair & hadn’t showered in over 2 months). Then from the age of 17 til now I realised I’m doing the same thing that I did before, my hair is currently matted and I still speak to myself, I kind of find it entertaining to some extent but like I can’t really control it. When I try to concentrate my mind just makes up more stories as I lose focus. A lot of the time the stories in my head aren’t bad it’s just like me having super powers or me having a family of my own or it’s often me playing the main character in movies or shows I’ve recently watched but recently it’s starting to get a bit darker. I know tiktok isn’t the most reliable place but I seen a tiktok discussing something similar to this and a lot of people in the comments say they do it too so I’m confused whether or not what I do is an issue or not. I find it difficult to be in public settings/being with people for long periods of time because I can’t be my true self, I can’t openly speak to myself without seeming like a weird person and I just don’t know what to do now
I used to be a similar way when I was younger. I'd imagine situations in my head and play them through like a movie - sometimes fun scenarios, sometimes sad, sometimes quite horrible. Essentially, I saw this as daydreaming. It is completely normal to do this, however, if it is causing you to become isolates or to feel low, it may be worth seeking help for. You could speak to your GP about being referred for talking therapy to get support with low mood/anxiety that may be coming from this issue.
Alternatively, have you considered creative outlets for what's going on in your head? For me, I used to write a lot of short stories and think up ideas for books and movies and things like that. I never shared these with anyone, but it gave me a much more positive view of the way I was thinking (i.e., it started to feel interesting and fun rather than weird).
No-one on the internet can diagnose you, you should talk to your GP or another medical professional, as others have said.
However, have you considered that you might be autistic? This might not be what it is, but from reading your description, it sounds like a possibility.
However, have you considered that you might be autistic? This might not be what it is, but from reading your description, it sounds like a possibility.
I make hyper realistic scenarios in my head like this too, but the whole grief when someone in your head dies thing kinda threw me. Only time I've done that is when I sometimes imagine something bad happening to a loved one. Alongside the fact you can go on for 6 hours in the shower. I'm sure I've gone 6 hours when unable to sleep, but your situation sounds a bit worse. You should probably get some help before it goes too far. A healthy imagination is good but it shouldn't swallow you whole.
