i completely understand how this feels because i feel the same way. i know this wont help much but it might just be nice to know that someone else gets it. i personally dont want to go to uni right now but im gonna apply for it anyway, just to be safe, so id say maybe just think about things you have more interest in. if you dont decide yet, you can always apply later on in life, like my mum is doing a uni course now at the age of 55 so just remember you dont have to stress TOO much about it now like it isnt the end of the world. but i do hope that everything gets better for you, and that you will be around to experience these things.