I've been posting anonymously here over the past week, so maybe a few of you may already recognise my writing style. I have been really struggling with adjusting to my new life in Uni, having horrible homesickness and falling into dangerous habits. There's been a bad day literally almost everyday.
Only problem is, I've been here for just under a week and these feelings haven't gone yet. I know people say it takes time but I really am struggling. I want to learn to live by myself, but it has been such a mixed emotional experience for me and put me off. Excuse any typos through here on out, I'm writing through tears.
I've had anxiety my whole life, but nothing has been this rampant since I was about 13-14. One detrimental way my anxiety manifests is through restrictive eating. Not exactly out of choice, I'm in no way aiming to lose weight, I just cannot bring myself to eat. It's been hell.
The stomach pains, the nausea, the tiredness, the anxiety rapidly manifesting, the tearfulness. God, I hope no one has to go through this.
I love the city, I love my flat (though not close at all to my flatmates, we're all really different people), I love the independence. It's just this mental toil has been absolutely devastating.
In 'saving myself', I would feel like such a disappointment to drop out - all my friends are now at Uni, being independent, struggling but dealing with it in their own ways, just overly being way more mature. I've been talking to them, and they have probably saved me. I owe a lot to them.
I feel so guilty and again, like a massive disappointment. I don't know what to do. Genuinely. I do not know what to do.
What would you do? I don't know how long I can keep this up for. I'm having an appointment later.