Understanding Others' Expectations
Specifically, I'm not sure what others expect from me, and I worry they might expect too much and end up disappointed. I'm not sure where this feeling comes from.
Maybe I've let down too many people in my life. In fact I think it happened so often (my brain can't think of any scenarios right now) that I no longer even care, but I still care that people might feel bad because of my actions. I don't want that.
For example I pursued some studies at school, but decided to do something else. I still think my parents are left disappointed, and yet I also realize that my parents probably couldn't care less as long as I'm happy... and it's my life anyways, right?
Right now I'm planning a trip with a friend, I already told him to have no expectations of me and to plan as if I'm not with him (way before the trip), but maybe he counts with me and I will ruin his plans?
It's strange, because if my friend did that to me I would be totally cool with it, I mean even if he didn't told me, I'm pretty adaptable person, but I also know some people get very ****ed or anxious if someone would do this to them.
What are your thoughts?
Maybe I've let down too many people in my life. In fact I think it happened so often (my brain can't think of any scenarios right now) that I no longer even care, but I still care that people might feel bad because of my actions. I don't want that.
For example I pursued some studies at school, but decided to do something else. I still think my parents are left disappointed, and yet I also realize that my parents probably couldn't care less as long as I'm happy... and it's my life anyways, right?
Right now I'm planning a trip with a friend, I already told him to have no expectations of me and to plan as if I'm not with him (way before the trip), but maybe he counts with me and I will ruin his plans?
It's strange, because if my friend did that to me I would be totally cool with it, I mean even if he didn't told me, I'm pretty adaptable person, but I also know some people get very ****ed or anxious if someone would do this to them.
What are your thoughts?
Original post by Anonymous
Specifically, I'm not sure what others expect from me, and I worry they might expect too much and end up disappointed. I'm not sure where this feeling comes from.
Maybe I've let down too many people in my life. In fact I think it happened so often (my brain can't think of any scenarios right now) that I no longer even care, but I still care that people might feel bad because of my actions. I don't want that.
For example I pursued some studies at school, but decided to do something else. I still think my parents are left disappointed, and yet I also realize that my parents probably couldn't care less as long as I'm happy... and it's my life anyways, right?
Right now I'm planning a trip with a friend, I already told him to have no expectations of me and to plan as if I'm not with him (way before the trip), but maybe he counts with me and I will ruin his plans?
It's strange, because if my friend did that to me I would be totally cool with it, I mean even if he didn't told me, I'm pretty adaptable person, but I also know some people get very ****ed or anxious if someone would do this to them.
What are your thoughts?
Maybe I've let down too many people in my life. In fact I think it happened so often (my brain can't think of any scenarios right now) that I no longer even care, but I still care that people might feel bad because of my actions. I don't want that.
For example I pursued some studies at school, but decided to do something else. I still think my parents are left disappointed, and yet I also realize that my parents probably couldn't care less as long as I'm happy... and it's my life anyways, right?
Right now I'm planning a trip with a friend, I already told him to have no expectations of me and to plan as if I'm not with him (way before the trip), but maybe he counts with me and I will ruin his plans?
It's strange, because if my friend did that to me I would be totally cool with it, I mean even if he didn't told me, I'm pretty adaptable person, but I also know some people get very ****ed or anxious if someone would do this to them.
What are your thoughts?
High expectations lead to disappointment when they aren't fulfilled. I think the only expectations you should care about are the ones you assign to yourself. If people expect something from you and you expect something from others, you don't have control over it, therefore the outcomes are just as likely to disappoint as they are to satisfy. I don't expect anybody to do anything for me now because if I did then disappointment can happen. To get things done right in this life you have to do them for yourself, it's a way to gain self-respect and the respect of others.
Original post by Anonymous
Specifically, I'm not sure what others expect from me, and I worry they might expect too much and end up disappointed. I'm not sure where this feeling comes from.
Maybe I've let down too many people in my life. In fact I think it happened so often (my brain can't think of any scenarios right now) that I no longer even care, but I still care that people might feel bad because of my actions. I don't want that.
For example I pursued some studies at school, but decided to do something else. I still think my parents are left disappointed, and yet I also realize that my parents probably couldn't care less as long as I'm happy... and it's my life anyways, right?
Right now I'm planning a trip with a friend, I already told him to have no expectations of me and to plan as if I'm not with him (way before the trip), but maybe he counts with me and I will ruin his plans?
It's strange, because if my friend did that to me I would be totally cool with it, I mean even if he didn't told me, I'm pretty adaptable person, but I also know some people get very ****ed or anxious if someone would do this to them.
What are your thoughts?
Maybe I've let down too many people in my life. In fact I think it happened so often (my brain can't think of any scenarios right now) that I no longer even care, but I still care that people might feel bad because of my actions. I don't want that.
For example I pursued some studies at school, but decided to do something else. I still think my parents are left disappointed, and yet I also realize that my parents probably couldn't care less as long as I'm happy... and it's my life anyways, right?
Right now I'm planning a trip with a friend, I already told him to have no expectations of me and to plan as if I'm not with him (way before the trip), but maybe he counts with me and I will ruin his plans?
It's strange, because if my friend did that to me I would be totally cool with it, I mean even if he didn't told me, I'm pretty adaptable person, but I also know some people get very ****ed or anxious if someone would do this to them.
What are your thoughts?
This way of thinking could be related to an issue with self-esteem. People who struggle with low self-esteem often predict they will disappoint others, are eager to please others, and criticise themselves when things don't go to plan (e.g., it's my fault, I'm stupid, I'm useless etc.). Does this sound like you?
There are self-help books and resources available to work on overcoming low self-esteem (e.g., Overcoming Low Self-Esteem by Melanie Fennell). Generally speaking, the key is to challenge the thoughts you have about yourself and the expectations from others - they are thoughts, not facts. Look at the evidence for and against these thoughts - are they valid? Also, test out doing things you would normally avoid doing because of fear of disappointing others - what actually happens?
If this is becoming a big problem in your life, counselling or therapy could also be helpful.
