I’m a 17 year old girl with SM. For anyone who doesn’t know, this is described as a type of complex anxiety disorder caused by a phobia of speaking to certain people or in certain situations (I can only talk comfortably to my family). It’s not very well understood or researched, but from my perspective I would describe it as being like an automatic irrational reflex reaction that my brain has developed in response to having to speak, that causes me to freeze and my mind goes blank and I’m physically unable to say anything. It’s not trauma induced or learnt or anything, I think it’s genetic/linked to a developmental issue. I’ve had it my whole life but it got worse when I went to secondary school. I don’t actually believe I should be frightened of speaking and if anything I find not speaking embarrassing, but my brain just goes into autopilot, I have no control over it and it’s just an automatic reaction that happens. I hate it so much and it’s the most humiliating and debilitating thing ever, I can’t even say hello to people as I walk past them sometimes and I don’t even know why. I’m so isolated and I have no friends, and I feel childish and like I’m behind everyone else of my age as I can’t do anything for myself and I have no social experience. It’s just the most embarrassing thing ever and it’s making me really depressed and I’m starting to not want to go out in public in fear of humiliating myself because I can’t talk. Can’t stand up for myself, can’t ask for things, can’t hold a conversation, can’t do anything. I’m so scared it’s never going to go away.
Does anyone else of a similar age on here have SM? Has anyone been able to overcome it? I’d really love to talk to someone else that has it as I’ve never met anyone that does and no one else understands it.
Also if anyone has any questions about SM but doesn’t have it themselves then I’m more than happy to answer, as although I still have it I do understand it really well, and I’d really like to spread awareness about it.
Thanks