Depressed boyfriend doesn’t listen to me
Hello, I badly need advice on how to help him. Due to death of an immediate family member, as well as other issues that I won’t get into, he has fallen into crippling depression
The issue with this is that 1), he doesn’t share with anyone at all. He feels no one understands him so doesn’t bother to communicate ever; this creates a never-ending loop that is worsening his depression, as pent up feelings exacerbate depression more than communicated feelings
2) I give him genuine hacks and tips proven to work. I’m a very logical person and I’m the type that, if something is wrong (and believe me, a lot of things in my life went wrong), I’ll fix it or think of how to fix it, to then fix it. I tell him that, as much as it hurts, he cannot keep loving like this forever, so every day, step by step, he should have an easy enjoyable morning routine, does things he loves, easy rough night routine, keep a journal to vent or talk about his feelings (could be digital), keep a gratitude journal, stay away from too much screen time, talk about things with his family or best friend or me, etc. You know, the tried-and-tested that, won’t necessarily full on heal depression, but certainly will make it better or more manageable
I don’t think this is genuinely because he’s depressed, as many people would think. He’s the type of person to see things are wrong, think about them, feel bad about them, and never fix it….ever. Like ever. He never fixed even comparatively ‘small’ issues before he got depression, like when he got severe headaches and BLEEDING red eyes for a week straight….but adamantly refused hospital treatment, despite complaining every day. Now he’s very stubborn on not fixing his depression, which worries me that he might never heal
All this is certainly frustrating. I can’t force him to listen to me, of course, but I can’t even get him to listen to me. Even before the depression, I could never get him to listen to my sound advice, and now it’s worse. I don’t want him depressed as his girlfriend, so, what do you guys recommend? Should I stop all talk completely and let him do whatever he wants?
I jokingly suggested once talking to his sister about the issue, but his sister knows
Note: I know from the post it seems like I’m the pushy type to always nag to do this or do that, but I assure you, I’m not. He loves freedom, I give it to him and stop caring (not in the literal sense), and let him do whatever he wants. With the hospital example, for instance, I told him twice to go get checked, he denied, I left it at that, as I know he does what he wants anyway
The issue with this is that 1), he doesn’t share with anyone at all. He feels no one understands him so doesn’t bother to communicate ever; this creates a never-ending loop that is worsening his depression, as pent up feelings exacerbate depression more than communicated feelings
2) I give him genuine hacks and tips proven to work. I’m a very logical person and I’m the type that, if something is wrong (and believe me, a lot of things in my life went wrong), I’ll fix it or think of how to fix it, to then fix it. I tell him that, as much as it hurts, he cannot keep loving like this forever, so every day, step by step, he should have an easy enjoyable morning routine, does things he loves, easy rough night routine, keep a journal to vent or talk about his feelings (could be digital), keep a gratitude journal, stay away from too much screen time, talk about things with his family or best friend or me, etc. You know, the tried-and-tested that, won’t necessarily full on heal depression, but certainly will make it better or more manageable
I don’t think this is genuinely because he’s depressed, as many people would think. He’s the type of person to see things are wrong, think about them, feel bad about them, and never fix it….ever. Like ever. He never fixed even comparatively ‘small’ issues before he got depression, like when he got severe headaches and BLEEDING red eyes for a week straight….but adamantly refused hospital treatment, despite complaining every day. Now he’s very stubborn on not fixing his depression, which worries me that he might never heal
All this is certainly frustrating. I can’t force him to listen to me, of course, but I can’t even get him to listen to me. Even before the depression, I could never get him to listen to my sound advice, and now it’s worse. I don’t want him depressed as his girlfriend, so, what do you guys recommend? Should I stop all talk completely and let him do whatever he wants?
I jokingly suggested once talking to his sister about the issue, but his sister knows
Note: I know from the post it seems like I’m the pushy type to always nag to do this or do that, but I assure you, I’m not. He loves freedom, I give it to him and stop caring (not in the literal sense), and let him do whatever he wants. With the hospital example, for instance, I told him twice to go get checked, he denied, I left it at that, as I know he does what he wants anyway
Maybe give him some space, let him take his time, let him know you are there for him.
He could possibly contact his GP with his other issues.
There is a lot of support out there such as:
-The Samaritans, you can call 116 123, which is available 24 hours a day
-Mind, 0300 123 3393
-Saneline, 0300 304 7000, from 4.30pm-10.30pm
-The mix, 0800 808 4994, 11am-11pm
-SHOUT, text 852258, 24 hour text service
-Crises, 741741, text service
-Papyrus, 0800 068 4141, if you have thoughts of suicide or in emotional distress
-Rethink mental health, 0300 5000 927
-No Panic, 0800 138 8889
-Relate, they have a chat advisor
-Mental Health 24/7: 0800 008 6516
-hubofhope website, useful contact information for your local area
You can self refer yourself to talking therapies on the NHS website.
There is the mind forum
Also Facebook groups
You can join support groups
You can contact a crises team if things get very bad
Plenty of resources online, information regarding well being.
He could possibly contact his GP with his other issues.
There is a lot of support out there such as:
-The Samaritans, you can call 116 123, which is available 24 hours a day
-Mind, 0300 123 3393
-Saneline, 0300 304 7000, from 4.30pm-10.30pm
-The mix, 0800 808 4994, 11am-11pm
-SHOUT, text 852258, 24 hour text service
-Crises, 741741, text service
-Papyrus, 0800 068 4141, if you have thoughts of suicide or in emotional distress
-Rethink mental health, 0300 5000 927
-No Panic, 0800 138 8889
-Relate, they have a chat advisor
-Mental Health 24/7: 0800 008 6516
-hubofhope website, useful contact information for your local area
You can self refer yourself to talking therapies on the NHS website.
There is the mind forum
Also Facebook groups
You can join support groups
You can contact a crises team if things get very bad
Plenty of resources online, information regarding well being.
