Hi,
For a long time I have always questioned whether I am on the spectrum & I have recently considered actually going to my GP to discuss this.
The reason I have always put it off is because I get by in life & I manage myself/life fairly well. But there’s a lot of things that I do/struggle with that I have never been able to put my finger on & maybe knowing whether or not I am could give me closure.
I do struggle regulating my emotions, I take things very personally sometimes to the point it can upset me for days & can’t stop thinking about it. These are usually things a lot of people would just let go over their head.
I have my own house & whenever someone knocks uninvited it can even be my mum or dad it triggers me. I don’t act out but I genuinely feel annoyed/irritable at the fact they have come round and it’s something I haven’t been able to mentally prepare for. I know how ridiculous it sounds, believe me.
I am very rigid with routine & if I have something planned in my head (going the gym) etc. & it’s disrupted I get the same irrational feelings. I was driving to work the other day & was late & missed a turn in so reacted by screaming & punching my steering wheel multiple times; I have done this type of behaviour for years. I know it’s childish but it’s like my emotions take over me. When I’m stressed (which doesn’t take much) I feel like I get a little bit dissociated. I also talk to myself when I’m alone all the time; I’ve done this since I was very young.
I definitely think I have a form of OCD as I can’t relax unless I clean my house the exact same specific way & in the same order.
The reason I question whether it may or may not be autism is I don’t struggle with small talk, I have a vivid imagination, I don’t feel uncomfortable with eye contact, I can go out in public anywhere & not particularly feel super uncomfortable (no more awkward than the average person in a new social situation) I go the gym, I have friends & a partner & work full time.