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Mental Health Support Society XVIII
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Been a weird 2 weeks. Started my job which has been good and I've really enjoyed that. Feel like I'm actually contributing to people and making a difference which is nice.
Unfortunately had a bit of a set back. Was involved in a car crash. Wasn't hurt at all and no one else was involved but I wrote my car off. Was driving on the motorway in the heavy rain and hit a puddle covering the whole of the outside lane and I spun a few times before smashing into the crash barrier on the hard shoulder. Been feeling so ashamed and guilty that it was my fault and I could have killed someone. People have said that it's not my fault and it could of happened to anyone but I just keep thinking what if.
Have to look for a new car now which is going to cost money I don't really have. Luckily the money from work will help with that but still. Started to feel quite down but feeling slightly better now. Seeing my therapist this week for a review after a 4 week break so we will see what happens.
Hope everyone else is doing okay and has managed to vote today without any problems (and if they wanted to!)
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Unfortunately had a bit of a set back. Was involved in a car crash. Wasn't hurt at all and no one else was involved but I wrote my car off. Was driving on the motorway in the heavy rain and hit a puddle covering the whole of the outside lane and I spun a few times before smashing into the crash barrier on the hard shoulder. Been feeling so ashamed and guilty that it was my fault and I could have killed someone. People have said that it's not my fault and it could of happened to anyone but I just keep thinking what if.
Have to look for a new car now which is going to cost money I don't really have. Luckily the money from work will help with that but still. Started to feel quite down but feeling slightly better now. Seeing my therapist this week for a review after a 4 week break so we will see what happens.
Hope everyone else is doing okay and has managed to vote today without any problems (and if they wanted to!)
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Original post by bullettheory
Hey sorry I didn't reply before, been so busy. Hope the job goes well. But I think it would definitely be good to go and be honest with a dr, especially if you aren't feeling good. You've been through a lot.
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Its ok sorry to hear about your crash! Glad your ok though
Boring tescos but it will pay my bills when i get my own place!
Yeah a month of self care has helped but being with support has put me in a false high almost and made me think om not depressed but then when i go to bed at night i feel **** so im still depressed clearly!
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I'm really really tired of being alive.
The voices won't leave me alone. They keep telling me things about people I care about. Bad things. Like how they don't give a **** about me really and how they're sick of me and how they don't reply my messages because deep down they just want me to disappear.
And I'm starting to believe them.
I'm tired of pretending I'm fine to make people happy. I'm not strong enough for this. I want to sleep and not wake up.
The voices won't leave me alone. They keep telling me things about people I care about. Bad things. Like how they don't give a **** about me really and how they're sick of me and how they don't reply my messages because deep down they just want me to disappear.
And I'm starting to believe them.
I'm tired of pretending I'm fine to make people happy. I'm not strong enough for this. I want to sleep and not wake up.
(edited 7 years ago)
Sorry I am AWOL atm - really busy/stressed and app not working properly (laptop still hates TSR, so can't use normal website for foreseeable future) 
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OCD and panics are sky high tonight. Me and Callan went out for a drive at about 10 tonight and we sat down the beach eating a McDonald's and after about ten mins, a group of three cars parked directly behind us and started flashing their lights and beeping and laughing. At first I thought it was the police but nah it was a bunch of annoying neds/chavs. I was taking a panic attack just before they came so they only made it worse so we drove off and then the OCD fueled paranoia kicked in thinking they would follow us home, maybe they'd magically know where we live already and would get home before us and all that crap and I had to keep checking my mirror constantly to see if they were following us which they weren't but that didn't stop my OCD.
Then we got home and there was some guy in the car park who walked out from a car to walk to another parked car, stand there and go back to his car. He done this twice before going into a flat. Completely harmless but my OCD made me think it was dodgy and all the old sort of things from earlier came back along with "what if he's spying on me", " he's going to try and kill me and my cats" so I ran up the stairs and quickly locked the door and then came the checking the door was locked over and over even though I knew it was and Callan tried to comfort me but there's only so much someone can do when you're in that state.
I'm a bit calmer now after taking a full panic attack but the thoughts are still there. I feel a bit better knowing Callan's not going to bed yet because he's making my bday card for Saturday and watching a movie so he'll be awake to notice anyone at the door so I'm gonna try and get some sleep. The paranoia is the worst part of my OCD atm, its taking over my life
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Then we got home and there was some guy in the car park who walked out from a car to walk to another parked car, stand there and go back to his car. He done this twice before going into a flat. Completely harmless but my OCD made me think it was dodgy and all the old sort of things from earlier came back along with "what if he's spying on me", " he's going to try and kill me and my cats" so I ran up the stairs and quickly locked the door and then came the checking the door was locked over and over even though I knew it was and Callan tried to comfort me but there's only so much someone can do when you're in that state.
I'm a bit calmer now after taking a full panic attack but the thoughts are still there. I feel a bit better knowing Callan's not going to bed yet because he's making my bday card for Saturday and watching a movie so he'll be awake to notice anyone at the door so I'm gonna try and get some sleep. The paranoia is the worst part of my OCD atm, its taking over my life
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Tfw someone can't even be bothered to do the tiniest thing for you so you are now gonna have anxiety and palpitations over it until you find out what the **** is going on on Monday 
thank you so much person inrl
thank you so much person inrl
Right i'm writing this here because I feel like I will burst if I don't and not just because I haven't slept that well but need to spill this somewhere and no-one cares enough to listen apart from one person inrl (
) so here will have to do:
I am so so worried about everything.
For starters i'm worried about this university thing, im so shy and awkward and quiet that idk how i'm ever going to fit in with these really cool outgoing people. I also know nothing about anything to do with life stuff and i'm just worried about being left in the middle of some unknown place with loads of strangers about and just getting lost and everything.
Idk how i'm ever going to become the person I want to be, I look up at older people in their 20s, 30s etc and want to be like them but idk how to fill the gap to make that happen.
I'm not pretty i'm so so ugly and I feel ashamed to be in the presence of such lovely people, however stupid that sounds. I feel like a 12 year old trying to be a 20 year old and I feel like they must look at me like i'm a joke.
I can't talk to people properly, partly because i'm hard to understand audibly but also because I feel that they are so superior im too shy to approach them.
On top of that i'm hating school because no-one gives a **** about me and they are all becoming increasingly intolerable as they get more and more jealous over my work (it is the one thing im good at ok please allow that sentence...). People tell me i'm wrong over my own thoughts which just makes me doubt myself even more. Tbh I have been away from there for a couple of days and can guarantee no-one even noticed/cared.
I hate things currently but i'm too scared to move forward as well :/
ok the end
~Anon 1
) so here will have to do:I am so so worried about everything.
For starters i'm worried about this university thing, im so shy and awkward and quiet that idk how i'm ever going to fit in with these really cool outgoing people. I also know nothing about anything to do with life stuff and i'm just worried about being left in the middle of some unknown place with loads of strangers about and just getting lost and everything.
Idk how i'm ever going to become the person I want to be, I look up at older people in their 20s, 30s etc and want to be like them but idk how to fill the gap to make that happen.
I'm not pretty i'm so so ugly and I feel ashamed to be in the presence of such lovely people, however stupid that sounds. I feel like a 12 year old trying to be a 20 year old and I feel like they must look at me like i'm a joke.
I can't talk to people properly, partly because i'm hard to understand audibly but also because I feel that they are so superior im too shy to approach them.
On top of that i'm hating school because no-one gives a **** about me and they are all becoming increasingly intolerable as they get more and more jealous over my work (it is the one thing im good at ok please allow that sentence...). People tell me i'm wrong over my own thoughts which just makes me doubt myself even more. Tbh I have been away from there for a couple of days and can guarantee no-one even noticed/cared.
I hate things currently but i'm too scared to move forward as well :/
ok the end
~Anon 1
The psychiatrist yesterday was a ***** as usual. She wasn't as bad as before ever since I had a big rant at her for not being sensitive to my situation. I told her again that I want to be on tablet form and not depot but she hates the idea. I told her I don't like needles and she just ignored me. She makes me feel like I'm some kind of murderer or something since she doesn't trust me on the tablets. She keeps increasing my sertraline again so I'm on 200mg and she reduced my clopixol but she said she would reduce it two months ago and didn't. All I want is to have my life back it's been an ongoing issue for 5 years I just want to be free. 
anyway I had to rant sorry for the lack of paragraphs I'm using my iPod.
anyway I had to rant sorry for the lack of paragraphs I'm using my iPod.
The psychiatrist yesterday was a ***** as usual. She wasn't as bad as before ever since I had a big rant at her for not being sensitive to my situation. I told her again that I want to be on tablet form and not depot but she hates the idea. I told her I don't like needles and she just ignored me. She makes me feel like I'm some kind of murderer or something since she doesn't trust me on the tablets. She keeps increasing my sertraline again so I'm on 200mg and she reduced my clopixol but she said she would reduce it two months ago and didn't. All I want is to have my life back it's been an ongoing issue for 5 years I just want to be free. anyway I had to rant sorry for the lack of paragraphs I'm using my iPod. I don't know why my post was anon.
anyway I had to rant sorry for the lack of paragraphs I'm using my iPod. I don't know why my post was anon.
Not sure if I can still join this forum, but if it's okay I'd like to sub it. 
Hope y'all are having a good day
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Hope y'all are having a good day
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Original post by TinyMockingbird
Not sure if I can still join this forum, but if it's okay I'd like to sub it.
Hope y'all are having a good day
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Hope y'all are having a good day
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Hiya! Anyone can post in this thread so welcome!
Original post by Indieboohoo1
The psychiatrist yesterday was a ***** as usual. She wasn't as bad as before ever since I had a big rant at her for not being sensitive to my situation. I told her again that I want to be on tablet form and not depot but she hates the idea. I told her I don't like needles and she just ignored me. She makes me feel like I'm some kind of murderer or something since she doesn't trust me on the tablets. She keeps increasing my sertraline again so I'm on 200mg and she reduced my clopixol but she said she would reduce it two months ago and didn't. All I want is to have my life back it's been an ongoing issue for 5 years I just want to be free. anyway I had to rant sorry for the lack of paragraphs I'm using my iPod. I don't know why my post was anon.
anyway I had to rant sorry for the lack of paragraphs I'm using my iPod. I don't know why my post was anon.Perhaps you should see if you can see another psychiatrist? Or perhaps talk to your GP about your medication issues?
Original post by Anonymous
Right i'm writing this here because I feel like I will burst if I don't and not just because I haven't slept that well but need to spill this somewhere and no-one cares enough to listen apart from one person inrl () so here will have to do:
I am so so worried about everything.
For starters i'm worried about this university thing, im so shy and awkward and quiet that idk how i'm ever going to fit in with these really cool outgoing people. I also know nothing about anything to do with life stuff and i'm just worried about being left in the middle of some unknown place with loads of strangers about and just getting lost and everything.
Idk how i'm ever going to become the person I want to be, I look up at older people in their 20s, 30s etc and want to be like them but idk how to fill the gap to make that happen.
I'm not pretty i'm so so ugly and I feel ashamed to be in the presence of such lovely people, however stupid that sounds. I feel like a 12 year old trying to be a 20 year old and I feel like they must look at me like i'm a joke.
I can't talk to people properly, partly because i'm hard to understand audibly but also because I feel that they are so superior im too shy to approach them.
On top of that i'm hating school because no-one gives a **** about me and they are all becoming increasingly intolerable as they get more and more jealous over my work (it is the one thing im good at ok please allow that sentence...). People tell me i'm wrong over my own thoughts which just makes me doubt myself even more. Tbh I have been away from there for a couple of days and can guarantee no-one even noticed/cared.
I hate things currently but i'm too scared to move forward as well :/
ok the end
~Anon 1
) so here will have to do:I am so so worried about everything.
For starters i'm worried about this university thing, im so shy and awkward and quiet that idk how i'm ever going to fit in with these really cool outgoing people. I also know nothing about anything to do with life stuff and i'm just worried about being left in the middle of some unknown place with loads of strangers about and just getting lost and everything.
Idk how i'm ever going to become the person I want to be, I look up at older people in their 20s, 30s etc and want to be like them but idk how to fill the gap to make that happen.
I'm not pretty i'm so so ugly and I feel ashamed to be in the presence of such lovely people, however stupid that sounds. I feel like a 12 year old trying to be a 20 year old and I feel like they must look at me like i'm a joke.
I can't talk to people properly, partly because i'm hard to understand audibly but also because I feel that they are so superior im too shy to approach them.
On top of that i'm hating school because no-one gives a **** about me and they are all becoming increasingly intolerable as they get more and more jealous over my work (it is the one thing im good at ok please allow that sentence...). People tell me i'm wrong over my own thoughts which just makes me doubt myself even more. Tbh I have been away from there for a couple of days and can guarantee no-one even noticed/cared.
I hate things currently but i'm too scared to move forward as well :/
ok the end
~Anon 1
I relate so so much
we'll get through this together.I messed up my past few tests, especially those for History, Economics & Biology, really bad because of panic and anxiety attacks (during the tests) and so now during next week's exam week and I can't get the combination of a D in either Economics or History and an E in Biology... I know that technically I should be able to get higher than that (because I always have, with the exception of my past few tests - although before that my grades were already dropping tremendously) but I am so scared I'm going to have another panic attack, fail those tests and having to redo the year...
Yikes, sorry for this, needed to get it off my chest...
Yikes, sorry for this, needed to get it off my chest...
Original post by StrawbAri
I'm really really tired of being alive.
The voices won't leave me alone. They keep telling me things about people I care about. Bad things. Like how they don't give a **** about me really and how they're sick of me and how they don't reply my messages because deep down they just want me to disappear.
And I'm starting to believe them.
I'm tired of pretending I'm fine to make people happy. I'm not strong enough for this. I want to sleep and not wake up.
The voices won't leave me alone. They keep telling me things about people I care about. Bad things. Like how they don't give a **** about me really and how they're sick of me and how they don't reply my messages because deep down they just want me to disappear.
And I'm starting to believe them.
I'm tired of pretending I'm fine to make people happy. I'm not strong enough for this. I want to sleep and not wake up.
Hey!
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation!
But you bring happiness to many people in the world! Including me!
You are highly valued on earth and you should be proud of that! The world would be a much worse place of you weren't here!
I'm positive that the people you care about, care about you!!
They're not sick of you! They'll try to support you in anyway possible!
They do not want you to disappear! You're a lovely person and deserve all the happiness in the world! Trust me!
You are really strong! Not many people can fight it like you are!
Please don't say that! The world is a much better place because of you!!
Original post by FireFreezer77
Hey!
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation!
But you bring happiness to many people in the world! Including me!
You are highly valued on earth and you should be proud of that! The world would be a much worse place of you weren't here!
I'm positive that the people you care about, care about you!!
They're not sick of you! They'll try to support you in anyway possible!
They do not want you to disappear! You're a lovely person and deserve all the happiness in the world! Trust me!
You are really strong! Not many people can fight it like you are!
Please don't say that! The world is a much better place because of you!!
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation!
But you bring happiness to many people in the world! Including me!
You are highly valued on earth and you should be proud of that! The world would be a much worse place of you weren't here!
I'm positive that the people you care about, care about you!!
They're not sick of you! They'll try to support you in anyway possible!
They do not want you to disappear! You're a lovely person and deserve all the happiness in the world! Trust me!
You are really strong! Not many people can fight it like you are!
Please don't say that! The world is a much better place because of you!!
See Strawbs, loads of people appreciate and love you
Spoiler
Original post by Indieboohoo1
The psychiatrist yesterday was a ***** as usual. She wasn't as bad as before ever since I had a big rant at her for not being sensitive to my situation. I told her again that I want to be on tablet form and not depot but she hates the idea. I told her I don't like needles and she just ignored me. She makes me feel like I'm some kind of murderer or something since she doesn't trust me on the tablets. She keeps increasing my sertraline again so I'm on 200mg and she reduced my clopixol but she said she would reduce it two months ago and didn't. All I want is to have my life back it's been an ongoing issue for 5 years I just want to be free. anyway I had to rant sorry for the lack of paragraphs I'm using my iPod. I don't know why my post was anon.
anyway I had to rant sorry for the lack of paragraphs I'm using my iPod. I don't know why my post was anon.Aw I'm sorry to hear that!
Well I hope she learns to realize what you're going through is no joke! It's a serious matter and she should be doing her best to make sure that you can be freed from this!
Surely if you would rather be on the tablets, then she should put you on the tablets! I just feel like she's not serious! She doesn't sound very professional at all!!
She ignored you!!!!!!! I'm appalled to her that! That's disgusting from her! You can't help not liking needles and she should realize that and give you tablets!
You're defo not a murderer!
She sounds like the worst psychiatrist in the world! I seriously hope that you can find someone a lot better than her! You deserve the best psychiatrist in the world!
I really hope you can be free from this! You're a lovely person and deserve all the happiness you can get!
Original post by Anonymous
See Strawbs, loads of people appreciate and love you
Spoiler
Couldn't agree more!!
Spoiler
Its my birthday today and already 15 mins into it, I've had a panic attack. Hoping the rest if the day pans out OK though. Just having a quiet day and going over to my mum's for a meal and drinks like I did last year. My mum's birthday is tomorrow so we are just celebrating both birthdays today. We have a cat cake to share 
Sorry I haven't been as talkative in mails or on TSR in general when people have asked for help, just been a stressful few days with my stepdad having another mini stroke and me being in a setback
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Sorry I haven't been as talkative in mails or on TSR in general when people have asked for help, just been a stressful few days with my stepdad having another mini stroke and me being in a setback
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