Struggling to connect with flatmates

In my second year and have moved into a shared flat, where everyone else already knows each other, as they all lived with each other last year and all go to the same university, whereas I am half an hour from my Uni, Please Help!

Reply 1

999tigger

Its hard to break into a group. They have shared epxerience and you sound like the spare. You can give it time but it depends on them and how you try and engage. Do you do anything as a house i.e go for meals , to the pub, cook together etc? Is here a kind of house leader? Did you know this was the case when you moved in, did they say anything? If they want to make you feel part of the group they can or they may be set in their ways or be unaware. Early days. Fact you go to a different uni is also another thing that divides you. Just be sociable and see what happens. If its not good and you feel unhappy then consier leaving if its that bad, but you would need to find a replacement. Second years are not as open minded as freshers.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 2

Sophieu123

I don't think they are aware of it, but I just feel like the outsider looking in when I moved in I thought it would be like moving into halls again with everyone not knowing everyone, there all currently sat in the kitchen/living room and having a party, and I feel too awkward to walk in

Reply 3

username805138

Original post by Sophieu123

honestly, I would just walk in with some food/whatever (everyone loves free food) and ask to join in and start mingling/making convo.

*I'm exactly like you, although I get really bad anxiety over situations like these (And I still do, sigh) but you'll end up feeling really lonely and perhaps start resenting where you live if you don't seize the opportunity now. I followed my advice above once, (stayed in a residence for a week) and ended up having a great time.*

If it ends up being way too awkward, you can make an excuse and leave but at least you can say you tried. *

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 4

999tigger

Original post by Sophieu123

You need to push yourself. Cuteystar had the right approach. Just insert your way ino the group rather than being asked but find the right balance. Be sociable and confident, but dont overdo it. I'd hope some of them are aware enough and wuld meet you half way.

You can also go for isolating and getting to know them as individuals artehr than agroup which should help break down a bit. It really depends in the personalities. Some are socially aware and like to have everyone involved so are inclusive, others dont care, others just dont realise. If its nt happening and you feel unhappy then move, but it will be a pain.