Dont feel emotions anymore?

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I know how you feel OP... My boyfriend of about 20 months left me a year and bit ago, 2 weeks before the start of my GCSE exams. My mum yelled at me and I was basically left to deal with it alone... So I didn't deal with it. I studied like a robot for a month and got awesome grades...which I'd trade for my sanity in a heartbeat.
It wasn't the start of being low and numb. Nothing that terrible's happened to me, except a very messy family and a lifetime of social problems. That summer pushed me over the edge though.
I didn't feel a thing for months. Then I started sixth form and I thought it was good but then I started realising how evil IB is, and became a total pedantic perfectionist with my work, mainly cos personally I was crumbling, having made few friends and being extremely lonely.
Then Christmas happened and through a complicated tale I lost the person who'd been my sanity that summer. It sent me spiralling again to the point where for months all I felt was empty black nothingness and this explosion feeling like I was going to jump out of my skin. I could barely speak. All of my energy went into acting like I was ok.
Things are improving now thanks to counselling, therapy, and the discovery of some real friends. I still feel empty, but I know I can return to a state in which I'm ok, despite the feeling of burried emotions and the trusty IB fear.

I know how you feel. I'm really impressed that your studies have not been affected by this. Mine would crumble like a deck of cards.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 21

Anonymous #7

Original post by kka25

I know how you feel. I'm really impressed that your studies have not been affected by this. Mine would crumble like a deck of cards.

Thankyou.

My studies in the science and maths end of the IB have been ok, cos I can just get my head down and work. But my work in English and art, both of which I do at HL, is severely lacking, because I had nothing to express, no ideas, for so long. My last sketchbook is terrible. :frown:

Work's my control mechanism. Or at least it was. It's getting harder to knuckle down. Just what I need going into second year IB. : /

Reply 22

darthgirlie

I think that if you've experience emotional trauma its normal to a certain extent to become hardened to prevent further stress at some points. Ive been in the same situation.

Reply 23

Deema

Original post by Anonymous

So for the past year i havent felt deep hatred, jealousy, greed, love, happiness and other emotions.

Most of the time i feel slightly peaceful or just mildy depressed.

When i feel emotions they are just on the surface and not strong at all. Like my AS results are coming the day after and right now i dont feel afraid or excited.

I think if you go through a deep emotional period, you block everything and kinda get used to it.

Like when i was young, (about 12)
i lost a parent
went through a really embarrassing time (the equivalence of all youre friends and family finding out you got a girl pregnant i guess)
and my girlfriend left me, (I did feel emotions like up to two years ago and they didnt stop at once, but sort of faded away)

Is this normal? Does anyone feel the same way? :redface:

Im not sad about this, just curious.

Yes, this is extremely normal. I went through this. It started halfway through AS year and became worse and worse all throughout my A levels. It was like I was numb to everything. As year 13 progressed I inadvertently distanced myself from my friends and become more and more introverted, despite being, by nature, an extrovert.

I'm not a doctor, so don't take my word for it, but I think it was some sort of mild depression. It started just after I had my heart broken and worsened with every academic stress, university application and social duty. I genuinely think this affected my studies because the not caring part = lack of motivation so I would just sit there looking at my books thinking, "I don't care". But the thing is, you do care, and I did care. I pulled it together in time for exams but I still missed out on my first choice uni because my coursework grades were appalling.

I also went on holiday the day after my final exam and it was literally like I had woken up from a deep, uncomfortable sleep. I noticed tastes, smells, the sun, appreciated my family, was able to laugh and be comfortable for the first time in over a year. It was a long holiday (2 months) I also got a job when I was abroad. Meeting new people just helped more. And now that results day is over and I'm I finally feel like myself again. I'm ridiculously excited for university and studying a course I'm in love with.

My advice is to talk to someone, (psychiatrist? psychologist? I don't know the difference, sorry) because these people will understand what you're going through, they won't brush it off as a mood swing like my teachers did. The sooner you get out of this situation the better. It doesn't mean it's unnatural, just that it isn't pleasant.

Sorry about the length of this post, but I hope this helps :smile:

Reply 24

Woozimoo

I have the same thing.. I tend to find myself crying only because I think that's what I should do... Not because I ever feel sad angry or happy... And honestly it doesn't bother me much and I feel like I should be sad about it. The things I used to love such as running or playing music doesn't make