Self harm scars and living in halls
I'm really nervous about starting uni in september, I'll be living in halls with 5 other people, and I'm so nervous that they'll see all my self harm scars and immediately think I'm weird or just not like me. Even if they do accept that I used to self harm, I sometimes relapse, so what happens if they see fresh cuts? I'm so scared I'll be stuck with no friends again like in school.
I can't get rid of my scars, and I don't like hiding them or covering them up, I'm just worried they'll affect me making friends.
Any advice?
I can't get rid of my scars, and I don't like hiding them or covering them up, I'm just worried they'll affect me making friends.
Any advice?
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I'd suggest that after you introduce yourself, you talk to each of them individually and explain what you used to do and why, and that you sometimes do it again. That way you've made it clear that you don't mind people knowing and that you regret it, and then you won't have nay false rumours behind your back. Even if t does start rumours, you know that nobody else started them.
Thankyou, that could be a possibility, but I don't want people to go 'what a weirdo, that's the first impression she wants to make.' I don't know, I'm just very nervous and worried about all of this.
If I didn't tell them but didn't hide my scars, do you think anyone would ask me about them? I mean, I'd rather get asked than have people whispering behind my back. And if I did do it again, do you think it would put people off wanting to be my friend?
If I didn't tell them but didn't hide my scars, do you think anyone would ask me about them? I mean, I'd rather get asked than have people whispering behind my back. And if I did do it again, do you think it would put people off wanting to be my friend?
I was in a similar situation and I think it would come off a bit weird if you had a conversation which each individual and informed them of your problem. What I did was just go with it, to start with I always wore a hoody in the kitchen but over the course of my time in halls I gradually started wearing tshirts. Not one of my flatmates mentioned the scars and I lived in halls for 3 years. When I relapsed and ended up in hospital getting stitches, a couple of my flatmates came to visit me (my hall tutor had told them I was there), they didn't judge me and when I got back afterwards they were nothing except friendly to me the whole time. They told me I could talk to them if I needed too but otherwise the whole thing was a total non-issue. I can't guarantee that your flatmates will be the same but mine were really good about things. I don't know if they spoke about me behind my back but I think talking to each of them individually is just guaranteeing that they'll talk behind your back. Don't treat it as a big issue and hopefully others won't either.
Thankyou, that does sound like a good idea, although I don't think I'll wear hoodies to start with, I've never liked hiding my scars and I don't want to start now
Thankyou
Thankyou
I think that (most) people are aware that self harm exists, and that lots of people struggle with it. I would just go about as you normally would. If they ask, tell them the truth: you used to do it more, you still do it sometimes and you have scars because of it. I do think it's a good idea that someone you live with knows. This is worst case scenario, but if you do end up needing medical attention, you don't want the first time they find out about your self harm to be when you have a serious wound and possibly need taking to the hospital or someone to dress it for you.
Don't start by introducing yourself as 'Hi, I'm XX and these scars are self inflicted'. Seriously, just don't.
If people want to know they'll ask. It'll probably come out on a drunken night out any way so just let it come up organically. Just make sure you know what you want to say when/if it does (it might never come up!).
If people want to know they'll ask. It'll probably come out on a drunken night out any way so just let it come up organically. Just make sure you know what you want to say when/if it does (it might never come up!).
Original post by kiss_me_now9
Don't start by introducing yourself as 'Hi, I'm XX and these scars are self inflicted'. Seriously, just don't.
If people want to know they'll ask. It'll probably come out on a drunken night out any way so just let it come up organically. Just make sure you know what you want to say when/if it does (it might never come up!).
If people want to know they'll ask. It'll probably come out on a drunken night out any way so just let it come up organically. Just make sure you know what you want to say when/if it does (it might never come up!).
This. If you bring it up straight away it'd be really awkward, I think.
I doubt anyone will care. If anyone has a problem with it, would you really want to be friends with someone like that anyway? If it ever gets brought up just explain that it's something you've had a problem with but not to worry about it.
There's a girl who I live with in halls and she has scars that she doesn't hide. No one thinks any different of her.
Original post by Flibble22
To be honest, I don't think they'd even care or even notice unless you made a point of it. But then, that's my view and I'm four years older than most uni students.
I found this. Most people don't care (in a nice way) and won't ask questions. The first they knew about my self harming issues was when the police got involved. One talked to me and said that she self harmed too.
I used to go to college with someone who self harmed and had fresh cuts. No-one (actually, someone may have said something) made a big deal out of it.
Thankyou everyone for your advice, I appreciate it all
This might be a good idea, I'd hate to suddenly need help badly and not have anyone who knows and have to blurt it out whilst being an emotional wreck and in need of medical attention
Has anyone out right asked her or been rude/sarky to her about it? That would be my biggest worry, or that someone would point them out in front of everyone and I'd just be stood there not knowing what to say.
Thanks to everyone else who gave advice, those were just the only two I had direct messages for
Original post by Holz888
I think that (most) people are aware that self harm exists, and that lots of people struggle with it. I would just go about as you normally would. If they ask, tell them the truth: you used to do it more, you still do it sometimes and you have scars because of it. I do think it's a good idea that someone you live with knows. This is worst case scenario, but if you do end up needing medical attention, you don't want the first time they find out about your self harm to be when you have a serious wound and possibly need taking to the hospital or someone to dress it for you.
This might be a good idea, I'd hate to suddenly need help badly and not have anyone who knows and have to blurt it out whilst being an emotional wreck and in need of medical attention
Original post by Holby_fanatic
There's a girl who I live with in halls and she has scars that she doesn't hide. No one thinks any different of her.
Has anyone out right asked her or been rude/sarky to her about it? That would be my biggest worry, or that someone would point them out in front of everyone and I'd just be stood there not knowing what to say.
Thanks to everyone else who gave advice, those were just the only two I had direct messages for
Original post by Anonymous
Has anyone out right asked her or been rude/sarky to her about it? That would be my biggest worry, or that someone would point them out in front of everyone and I'd just be stood there not knowing what to say.
Not that I'm aware of. Most people will probably just talk to you completely normally because they know it's a sensitive subject. Maybe when you become better friends with them the might ask, but no one has been rude to her or anything.
Of course, you don't have to tell them anything. They'll understand.
Original post by Holby_fanatic
Not that I'm aware of. Most people will probably just talk to you completely normally because they know it's a sensitive subject. Maybe when you become better friends with them the might ask, but no one has been rude to her or anything.
Of course, you don't have to tell them anything. They'll understand.
Of course, you don't have to tell them anything. They'll understand.
Thankyou, this has made me feel a lot better, thankyou
Original post by Anonymous
I'm really nervous about starting uni in september, I'll be living in halls with 5 other people, and I'm so nervous that they'll see all my self harm scars and immediately think I'm weird or just not like me. Even if they do accept that I used to self harm, I sometimes relapse, so what happens if they see fresh cuts? I'm so scared I'll be stuck with no friends again like in school.
I can't get rid of my scars, and I don't like hiding them or covering them up, I'm just worried they'll affect me making friends.
Any advice?
I can't get rid of my scars, and I don't like hiding them or covering them up, I'm just worried they'll affect me making friends.
Any advice?
Get to know people so you can judge who you can trust and who you can't/ who you'll get along with etc. Then if one day you start talking about it, bring into the conversation casually?
Original post by Anonymous
Has anyone out right asked her or been rude/sarky to her about it? That would be my biggest worry, or that someone would point them out in front of everyone and I'd just be stood there not knowing what to say.
Thanks to everyone else who gave advice, those were just the only two I had direct messages for
Thanks to everyone else who gave advice, those were just the only two I had direct messages for
There are a lot of people on my course (psychology - go figure) who have worse scars than me - one person has them running all up both her arms including the back of her hands
No-one AFAIK has ever mentioned it to her.I would also add please talk to your personal tutor if you think it's going to be a problem when you're at uni, the more they know about you and your issues the more they can help.
Being a first year student you are more than likely to be put in a block/corridor with other first years who may come with their own "baggage". I think just go with the flow, from my experience no one was particularly nosey and asked questions. If you feel vulnerable or scared, do speak to your hall warden or someone at the student union. They should be able to help you.
Good luck with it all though.
Good luck with it all though.
Original post by kiss_me_now9
There are a lot of people on my course (psychology - go figure) who have worse scars than me - one person has them running all up both her arms including the back of her hands No-one AFAIK has ever mentioned it to her.
I would also add please talk to your personal tutor if you think it's going to be a problem when you're at uni, the more they know about you and your issues the more they can help.
No-one AFAIK has ever mentioned it to her.I would also add please talk to your personal tutor if you think it's going to be a problem when you're at uni, the more they know about you and your issues the more they can help.
Thankyou
My scars aren't that bad thank goodness. A few on my wrists/arms, but mainly on my legs (and I like to wear shorts/pyjama shorts when I'm lounging around). (I don't know what AFAIK means?)
Hopefully I'll get a really nice personal tutor who's easy to talk to, because I do agree that would be a good idea to let them know my situation/issues.
Thankyou
Hello
Yes i have the same concerns - i have scars from a year ago that, although faint, can still be seen - especially after summer.
I didnt tell many people bout the scars during school. One day i jst wore a tshirt n forgot bout the scars, and no one said a thing.
I think also at uni people are more mature. If people ask just say 'oh i did something silly a few months back but im okay now'. Whenever i go into that state of wanting to harm i have 3 people i text saying i feel like doing something 'silly' (thats the code spose haha).
People will understand
Posted from TSR Mobile
Yes i have the same concerns - i have scars from a year ago that, although faint, can still be seen - especially after summer.
I didnt tell many people bout the scars during school. One day i jst wore a tshirt n forgot bout the scars, and no one said a thing.
I think also at uni people are more mature. If people ask just say 'oh i did something silly a few months back but im okay now'. Whenever i go into that state of wanting to harm i have 3 people i text saying i feel like doing something 'silly' (thats the code spose haha).
People will understand
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by megfashion
Hello
Yes i have the same concerns - i have scars from a year ago that, although faint, can still be seen - especially after summer.
I didnt tell many people bout the scars during school. One day i jst wore a tshirt n forgot bout the scars, and no one said a thing.
I think also at uni people are more mature. If people ask just say 'oh i did something silly a few months back but im okay now'. Whenever i go into that state of wanting to harm i have 3 people i text saying i feel like doing something 'silly' (thats the code spose haha).
People will understand
Posted from TSR Mobile
Yes i have the same concerns - i have scars from a year ago that, although faint, can still be seen - especially after summer.
I didnt tell many people bout the scars during school. One day i jst wore a tshirt n forgot bout the scars, and no one said a thing.
I think also at uni people are more mature. If people ask just say 'oh i did something silly a few months back but im okay now'. Whenever i go into that state of wanting to harm i have 3 people i text saying i feel like doing something 'silly' (thats the code spose haha).
People will understand
Posted from TSR Mobile
Thankyou, I don't think I'll say it was something 'silly' though, I don't like calling it that, because yeah, it isn't something good, but 'silly' implies that its a bit of a joke, and that's definitely not the sort of message I want to put across.
Thankyou though
