Take one loaf of crusty white bread, ideally still warm and wafting "mmm, fresh baked" smell everywhere.
Cut off two slices, spread with flora/bertolli spread, and add a squidge of Heinz tomato sauce.
Yum.
Alternatively, two medium pre-sliced slices, lettuce, spread, a slice of processed cheese and some tomoto sauce, if you want.
Any other suggestions?
No bloody mayonnaise.