How to Get Over Being Lied To....All The Time!
Hey guys,
My head is spinning over a life situation and I would seriously appreciate an outside view on how to handle it.
I was in a relationship and living with someone for 3 years, longer on and off, and we had a drawn out breakup over dishonesty that was really painful. We lived together through this with all our friends, and so we tried to stay friends after the breakup and kept our goings-on to ourselves as much as possible.
We broke up because he would make excuses for being out all night (i.e. a girl was drunk and he was trying to be nice and make sure she got home okay, or that he was too drunk and passed out at a friend's house) and then the stories wouldn't hold water (those friends would ask where he was last night too!)
There were also times he would tell me he was having a quiet night in and pictures would come up of him being out that night, which drove me to madness in not knowing what on earth was going on! I hated myself for it but eventually I did the phone check thing and found lots of 'so sorry you had to leave tonight, you're gorgeous, when are you out next?' texts to girls and lots of 'I miss you,' and I can't do this anymore,' late night texts from another different girl. She also burst out in tears when she saw me twice, though we'd never actually met.
I'm an intelligent beautiful woman and I completely loved this guy, would have married him, everything, but this I just went totally insecure over. I would find myself close to tears everyday waiting for the next weird moment and when I asked him about it, he denied everything, and when I had proof, he cried and said how much he loved me and he didn't mean to hurt me.
After 6+ months of back and forth and uncovering endless lies all over the place (not just to me, but huge complex ones to family, friends, uni...everything) I broke it off because I was falling apart and I had to. I didn't want to.
Now, we've been friends for ages and we catch up/text harmlessly every few months. Also mutual friends get-togethers, we see each other. And he's always saying how much he misses me, how great it was, how much he loves and respects me etc. And we slip up and sleep together and he says sorry and he disappears for another few months.
The last coupla times this happened, I found out he had a girlfriend, and I feel terrible. The first, he said it was just something very casual and didn't matter, very relaxed, he ought to break it off...the next day after everything I literally woke up to an empty bed and spent the all day with his family whilst he disappeared for 7 hours! When he came back, he said sorry, I should probably leave, he wanted to be a good boyfriend. That wrecked me.
The second time, we met at his party and he ignored me all night. Late, he asked me to come up to his room to check on a pet. Then he said how much he missed me, how great it was, etc etc. After getting what he wanted total silence, back turned...no mention of any girl at all at any point. Then next morning, I realise her picture is on the wall and his girlfriend of 1yr+ shows up and he dotes on her all day!
Now.....I feel like a wreck. I have so many fantastic and also awful memories and shared experiences with this person. But they mislead me so much so often!
None of our friends have any idea.
How do I handle this?
Thank you for reading!!
My head is spinning over a life situation and I would seriously appreciate an outside view on how to handle it.
I was in a relationship and living with someone for 3 years, longer on and off, and we had a drawn out breakup over dishonesty that was really painful. We lived together through this with all our friends, and so we tried to stay friends after the breakup and kept our goings-on to ourselves as much as possible.
We broke up because he would make excuses for being out all night (i.e. a girl was drunk and he was trying to be nice and make sure she got home okay, or that he was too drunk and passed out at a friend's house) and then the stories wouldn't hold water (those friends would ask where he was last night too!)
There were also times he would tell me he was having a quiet night in and pictures would come up of him being out that night, which drove me to madness in not knowing what on earth was going on! I hated myself for it but eventually I did the phone check thing and found lots of 'so sorry you had to leave tonight, you're gorgeous, when are you out next?' texts to girls and lots of 'I miss you,' and I can't do this anymore,' late night texts from another different girl. She also burst out in tears when she saw me twice, though we'd never actually met.
I'm an intelligent beautiful woman and I completely loved this guy, would have married him, everything, but this I just went totally insecure over. I would find myself close to tears everyday waiting for the next weird moment and when I asked him about it, he denied everything, and when I had proof, he cried and said how much he loved me and he didn't mean to hurt me.
After 6+ months of back and forth and uncovering endless lies all over the place (not just to me, but huge complex ones to family, friends, uni...everything) I broke it off because I was falling apart and I had to. I didn't want to.
Now, we've been friends for ages and we catch up/text harmlessly every few months. Also mutual friends get-togethers, we see each other. And he's always saying how much he misses me, how great it was, how much he loves and respects me etc. And we slip up and sleep together and he says sorry and he disappears for another few months.
The last coupla times this happened, I found out he had a girlfriend, and I feel terrible. The first, he said it was just something very casual and didn't matter, very relaxed, he ought to break it off...the next day after everything I literally woke up to an empty bed and spent the all day with his family whilst he disappeared for 7 hours! When he came back, he said sorry, I should probably leave, he wanted to be a good boyfriend. That wrecked me.
The second time, we met at his party and he ignored me all night. Late, he asked me to come up to his room to check on a pet. Then he said how much he missed me, how great it was, etc etc. After getting what he wanted total silence, back turned...no mention of any girl at all at any point. Then next morning, I realise her picture is on the wall and his girlfriend of 1yr+ shows up and he dotes on her all day!
Now.....I feel like a wreck. I have so many fantastic and also awful memories and shared experiences with this person. But they mislead me so much so often!
None of our friends have any idea.
How do I handle this?
Thank you for reading!!
Just dump him completely from your life. Delete him off all social media. Delete his number. Get up and move on. You can do better.
Thank you 
Trying!
I'm so tired of being told how much he misses me and treating me like gold and then flat out ignoring me after we've slept together…it makes me an emotional wreck and when my friends see me teary-eyed I'm sure they're thinking 'seriously, get over it!' you broke up ages ago! but I haven't told any of them what he says/does.
Around just me, he's wonderful, but around our friends he treats me like a mad ex he deals with out of sympathy.
Trying to take the moral high road!
It's so tempting to tell everyone, but that would just come off as totally crazy right?
I am concerned about my image here, it's being put through the wrangler to be honest.
Thank you for your help, guys, I really appreciate it. I wake up having nightmares about this stuff all the time.
Trying! I'm so tired of being told how much he misses me and treating me like gold and then flat out ignoring me after we've slept together…it makes me an emotional wreck and when my friends see me teary-eyed I'm sure they're thinking 'seriously, get over it!' you broke up ages ago! but I haven't told any of them what he says/does.
Around just me, he's wonderful, but around our friends he treats me like a mad ex he deals with out of sympathy.
Trying to take the moral high road!
It's so tempting to tell everyone, but that would just come off as totally crazy right?
I am concerned about my image here, it's being put through the wrangler to be honest.
Thank you for your help, guys, I really appreciate it. I wake up having nightmares about this stuff all the time.
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