Hi,
So I'm in my first year of University
I think I may be struggling because I have never been away from home for so long before and don't talk to my parents super often as of recent even though they live in London, most of the time anyway when I call they ask me about if i'm on top of uni work and if I have enough food, that they are there for me and to call if I need anything. Sometimes I feel to bend the truth when my mum asks me about uni work since one time she asked me and I told her I didn't do too well on a piece of coursework she couldn't sleep that night, which I somewhat feel responsible for if you know what I mean. I want to be successful long term; if I get hit by a **** storm(get kicked out of uni/have to repeat year etc) due to my current state of uni underperformance ok cool, I will brush myself off and keep trying to succeed. But I feel like that happening to me will really hit my mum VERY hard. My older sibling dropped out of uni twice and I have nearly always been more academically proficient so she has a level of higher expectations of me and seems she's almost hanging her hopes on me.
When I took a gap year before going to uni (I had no intention of going at the time, which my mum knew, for reasons I wont mention here to safeguard my anonymity), my mum got somewhat depressed and there were a few times she told me that she sometimes sits in her room and cries because of the state of our family.
Now that I'm at uni, I feel like if I was to get kicked out or drop out, the guilt I would feel from her getting depressed at that would be near unbearable for me, I really love my mum and wouldn't want her to go through this so obviously I want to get my **** together.
I think I may also be feeling like this partly because I don't having many friends at uni.
What should I do?