from age 12 i was very withdrawn and had no friends at school or uni, and still have no one i could just text to hang out with.
I got the dux of my high school. High straight As and went off to study maths at uni. Didn't go to exams when I was 20 and got taken to psychiatrist. Diagnosed with schizophrenia, now it's a severe and enduring mental illness and autism, they think. I'm now 24, and after an unsuccessful return to uni, and a hard job search, I've got a community job for 25 hours a week min wage doing admin and cafe work at a charity helping the mentally ill etc into work.
They're trying to make contact with other admin employers so that I can get an admin job when my community job finishes. I'm not sure if I'm on the best track.
I mean, there's the possibility that doing this job is putting me on a track to submediocrity and I'm capable of more, if only I quit and just focused on my guitar, reading and writing and tried to make something of that. I mean, it's not like I'm having adulation and a life partner thrown at me for doing my boring job. also, research indicates that people with my conditions do better living alone so there maybe shouldn't be an argument that i'd be more attractive with a job.
On the other hand, if it really is all I'm capable of, I don't particularly enjoy it and find even 25 hours tiring, so perhaps, being selfish, I should just pack it in and try to enjoy my hobbies. I get PIP full rate and would be in support group for ESA if I had less savings. But my savings aren't enough to buy a flat, so perhaps I should do these jobs until I can get a flat, then I'll have less money, I can quit working and claim ESA.
Part of the problem with not working is having to live with my parents as they are doctors and hate me not working. But I'm moving out to my own flat in under a week. but then the landlord might think it weird and cotton on to the fact i'm not working, then who knows what would happen. it's a no dss flat and i got it a day ago with my job.
I'm a bit torn about what to do.
Please don't post judgemental stuff about my thought processes, you haven't had my life or my exact illnesses and disabilities.