How do I deal with this?

One of my closest childhood friends (I've known her for 10 years and am in my 20s now) has been really distant. For example she has moved away a year ago, here's how I found out. I was back at my hometown from uni and decided to visit her at her workplace to surprise her, and then her manager told me that she had left recently, and I curiously asked where she's working now because I didn't know, and then they clarified that she completely left our hometown and moved somewhere else 3 hours away for a more permanent job (she was only working part time there). I was shocked because I had no idea she had literally moved away and it would've been nice to at least have a meet up before she left...

A few months ago she messaged me out of nowhere asking how I was, I responded the same day saying I was good and asked how her new job was, and I'm not exaggerating when I say that she did not respond until 2 months later. And the response was literally just 'it's been good'. I just don't understand. If she is feeling like our friendship is fading, why did she bother messaging me asking how I was if she wasn't going to bother responding until months later, and then not even trying to keep the conversation going?

Our friendship hasn't been the best in the previous years, there have been times where I would be on the phone to her, upset asking for advice, and she clearly isn't listening to me, and she shamelessly tells me that she is scrolling on social media whilst on the phone to me, whilst I gave her my undivided attention.

I don't understand, I'm a good friend to her, I always initiate meeting up and keeping in touch, and ask how she is. Do I bother saying something about how she took 2 months to send me a 3 word response or just leave it? Its just ridiculous and I'm tired of being the only one putting effort into our friendship. I'm a bit heartbroken tbh.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

I went through this, in a different context, but the theme is the same.

I had a friend that I genuinely trusted, but for some reason we were drifting and drifting apart. Then we stopped talking, because she insulted me in the public. I was furious. But inside my heart, I was experiencing an aching pain, longing for friendship. She then took things to the next level by humiliating me in my class, after which I decided to take the Ultra-High Ground. I complained to my teachers, and we and teachers spent an hour in a classroom sorting out our differences.

My point being, do not put in any more efforts. I apologise for what I am about to write may seem crude, but - she is not putting in any effort. When you do not receive the same warmth, then why put in the efforts? This is the unfortunate ways of the World, and I believe that you should sincerely forgive and forget her in your heart, before it snowballs in your self.

Cheers!

Reply 2

Anonymous #3

If this was me, I'd ask my friend if everything was ok as she seems distant. Moving is a big deal, whilst I understand she didn't tell you, maybe something happened to make her move and she felt embarrassed or felt like you wouldn't approve. Don't jump in with both feet and go to the 'why bother messaging if you're not going to reply for two months', be the concerned friend. Bear in mind hat people change when they get older, for example a new hobby or new friends, so remember it's not necessarily something you've done. I hope things get better for you.