i think i love my friends ex

Kind of a rant.. I was trying to write a song and realised i needed some advice on my feelings.. I feel like at least one of you has been through something similar...
I don’t know if I can call it love but my heart beats faster for him, I smile whenever I think about him, I get excited when I see him, anxious when I don’t, I feel the need to make myself visible for him. But it’s wrong. None of it can happen and tbh it makes my heart ache. I can’t tell anyone because that’d ruin everything and I’d be a terrible person. I don’t want to not see him, not talk to him. But how do I go from being a friend to keeping in touch all the time. How do I not make it obvious. When everyone ships us together my heart races, like I want it to be real. Maybe I just want to live in that fantasy even if it’s just for a few minutes. I want to just hold his hand like it’s nothing, I want to do "romantic stuff" what do I do…. He doesn’t make it any easier either, he talks to me extremely close to my face, always making eye contact with me, whenever he stands near me he’s standing so so close to me, he chooses to sit next to me rather than his mates and yet he still acts totally enamoured with my friend. I think i'd be ok with just being his friend... i just don't want to stop talking to him when we finish school

Reply 1

Surnia

Would you really be happy just as friends when you've got these strong feelings? The 'anxious when I don't see him' and 'keeping in touch all the time' are red flags; would you be back on here overthinking the fact that he hadn't messaged for a day, when he had no obligation to do so? Even in a relationship you do know it's not all hearts and flowers and you'd have to deal with the realities of life?

Give your head a wobble and decide what you really want, but if it's friendship, accept that it won't be the amazing and intense experience of which you dream.