I just want to preface this by saying I'm not a jealous person by nature or at least, I don't think I am. I'm genuinely so happy for the people I love when something good happens for them or they succeed in something. Even people I'm not too close with - or people I may dislike - I wish them the best and hope they achieve their goals and happiness. But recently, I've been feeling a little insecure when I see certain things online.
E.g. I see a pretty girl with flawless skin and beautiful features and I start feeling insecure about my own appearance. I see girls with the bodies I want and I resent myself for not being at that stage yet despite working out. I see people posting themselves on holiday abroad in beautiful warm countries looking like they're having the time of their lives and I wish it could be me. I might see a vid of someone driving, or talking whilst in their car, and I wish I coukd drive. I might even see something that I have no interest in, yet I get insanely jealous that I can't do/have that.
It's not that I don't want others to have these things, not at all. I'm so happy for everyone who's out there living their best lives. It's just that I don't understand why everyone seems to have it set when I don't, and why that makes me feel so sh*tty. I know I can't go on holiday with my family at the moment for financial reasons. I know I can't drive because I don't have a car, or even a license (despite my parents promising to teach me). I know that I can't go out with my friends because I'm a young Muslim girl with overprotective (or is it overcontrolling?) parents. But I'm just so sick of my boring, monotonous life, stuck at home with nothing but Netflix and the occassional visits from friends whilst everyone I know has way more freedom and opportunities than me. I know the obvious answer is to delete social media/unfollow accounts that make me feel this way but I already have! The only thing I have left is TikTok and that's so I can occasionally watch a few funny/interesting vids from creators I like, but I still feel this way. And yes I know people don't always post their mundane moments, they only post their highlight reels, but even their mundane moments are way more interesting than mine so that doesn't help! It's making me resent my life, which in turn makes me resent my parents. The worst part is I know I shouldn't feel this way, shouldn't be so bitter, but I genuinely can't help it and it's making me sick. I hate my lifestyle and then I hate myself for feeling that way when there are people out there with real problems who would probably do anything to be in my situation yet here I am complaining. It's a vicious cycle and I desperately want it to end. I'm so ashamed of myself that I can't even share this with any of my loved ones, so I have to remain anonymous on here too. I know this is so long but I need help. If anyone has been in a similar position or has tips that are actually helpful then please do share. I just can't keep going on like this, it's so draining.