How do I make friends at Uni?
Hi,
Everyone says Uni is supposed to be the best few years of your life, but tbh I havent been experiencing this. I know I've only been here two weeks but it quite frankly sucks.
My flatmates are incredibly loud, and as a person with anxiety and autism this is incredibly hard to deal with. Everyday there are more and more random people occurring in my flat. They think I am antisocial and rude, but it's mainly because I find them overwhelming and I don't share an interest in their drinking/partying culture. Every night all I hear from outside my accommodation is noise of people having parties and drinking. I find going into the kitchen terrifying.
Everyone I have tried to talk to on my course doesn't seem interested in talking back to me and even the societies I go too, no one seems interested. I come across weird and strange at first because I am terrified of new situations and new people, and it takes a long time for me to be comfortable around anyone.
I am worried about finding people to share a house with next year, as here people generally start looking in October and November. I have made no friends despite efforts to meet people but no one seems to like me or want to engage further.
I like being by myself but I still feel lonely.
I don't know what to do - how do I make friends?
Everyone says Uni is supposed to be the best few years of your life, but tbh I havent been experiencing this. I know I've only been here two weeks but it quite frankly sucks.
My flatmates are incredibly loud, and as a person with anxiety and autism this is incredibly hard to deal with. Everyday there are more and more random people occurring in my flat. They think I am antisocial and rude, but it's mainly because I find them overwhelming and I don't share an interest in their drinking/partying culture. Every night all I hear from outside my accommodation is noise of people having parties and drinking. I find going into the kitchen terrifying.
Everyone I have tried to talk to on my course doesn't seem interested in talking back to me and even the societies I go too, no one seems interested. I come across weird and strange at first because I am terrified of new situations and new people, and it takes a long time for me to be comfortable around anyone.
I am worried about finding people to share a house with next year, as here people generally start looking in October and November. I have made no friends despite efforts to meet people but no one seems to like me or want to engage further.
I like being by myself but I still feel lonely.
I don't know what to do - how do I make friends?
Original post by Anonymous
Hi,
Everyone says Uni is supposed to be the best few years of your life, but tbh I havent been experiencing this. I know I've only been here two weeks but it quite frankly sucks.
My flatmates are incredibly loud, and as a person with anxiety and autism this is incredibly hard to deal with. Everyday there are more and more random people occurring in my flat. They think I am antisocial and rude, but it's mainly because I find them overwhelming and I don't share an interest in their drinking/partying culture. Every night all I hear from outside my accommodation is noise of people having parties and drinking. I find going into the kitchen terrifying.
Everyone I have tried to talk to on my course doesn't seem interested in talking back to me and even the societies I go too, no one seems interested. I come across weird and strange at first because I am terrified of new situations and new people, and it takes a long time for me to be comfortable around anyone.
I am worried about finding people to share a house with next year, as here people generally start looking in October and November. I have made no friends despite efforts to meet people but no one seems to like me or want to engage further.
I like being by myself but I still feel lonely.
I don't know what to do - how do I make friends?
Everyone says Uni is supposed to be the best few years of your life, but tbh I havent been experiencing this. I know I've only been here two weeks but it quite frankly sucks.
My flatmates are incredibly loud, and as a person with anxiety and autism this is incredibly hard to deal with. Everyday there are more and more random people occurring in my flat. They think I am antisocial and rude, but it's mainly because I find them overwhelming and I don't share an interest in their drinking/partying culture. Every night all I hear from outside my accommodation is noise of people having parties and drinking. I find going into the kitchen terrifying.
Everyone I have tried to talk to on my course doesn't seem interested in talking back to me and even the societies I go too, no one seems interested. I come across weird and strange at first because I am terrified of new situations and new people, and it takes a long time for me to be comfortable around anyone.
I am worried about finding people to share a house with next year, as here people generally start looking in October and November. I have made no friends despite efforts to meet people but no one seems to like me or want to engage further.
I like being by myself but I still feel lonely.
I don't know what to do - how do I make friends?
Hi there,
I'm sorry to hear that you haven't been enjoying your university experience so far. But keep reminding yourself it's only been two weeks. You're still settling in and getting to know people. I'm pretty sure most people don't make their university friends during the first few weeks - it can take a few months to find the people you click with. So try not to get too upset about not making friends yet, you still have so much time to find them!
About your flatmates, if you feel comfortable it might be worth letting them know that you're anxious and autistic, and how this can make you feel overwhelmed by the loudness and new people coming in all the time. It might not change anything, but at least they can be aware and hopefully won't perceive you as being 'rude' or 'antisocial'. I'm also anxious and autistic so very much understand how you're feeling - if the overwhelmingness get's too much, remember you can always get in touch with your wellbeing department who should hopefully be able to support you.
My advice on making friends would be to try to be consistent. Keep going to society events and talking to people. You'll hopefully start to feel more comfortable over time as you get to know them, and they could be shy as well so if you keep talking to them maybe they'll start to get more chatty and engaged. You could also try to talk to more people as this will increase the chances of finding people that you click with.
I know it's hard not to worry about housing while people start looking so early on, but try not to stress. If you don't feel comfortable getting a house with anyone yet, you could always look into private halls. It's similar to first year university accommodation - your own room in a flat with a shared kitchen (or a studio if you want more personal space). I stayed in private halls for my second and third year, and lots of other people choose to as well. Some common providers include Student Roost, Fresh Student Living, CRM students and Host.
I know it can be upsetting to feel like you're not making friends despite all your effort. Keep trying though! So many different people and personalities go to university, so there's a really high chance you'll find like-minded people!
It's only been two weeks. Just keep being yourself, be consistent in meeting and talking to people, and don't be afraid to talk to new people. I wish you the best, and hope this helps!
Bethan
University of Exeter Student Ambassador
Love Bethan's answer and I would repeat everything written.
It can take a long time to get to know people properly.
There's nothing wrong with being quiet, anxious or shy. The world is full of different types of people and if everyone was the same or the opposite of shy and quiet, it just wouldn't work.
I would focus on hobbies and interests. Are there groups at Uni or outside of Uni that you like? E.g. a type of sport, walking, litter picking, gardening or something quiet and relaxing to do with nature, music, arts and crafts, history, film, photography, anything.
It can take a long time to get to know people properly.
There's nothing wrong with being quiet, anxious or shy. The world is full of different types of people and if everyone was the same or the opposite of shy and quiet, it just wouldn't work.
I would focus on hobbies and interests. Are there groups at Uni or outside of Uni that you like? E.g. a type of sport, walking, litter picking, gardening or something quiet and relaxing to do with nature, music, arts and crafts, history, film, photography, anything.
Original post by ExeterStudentRep
Hi there,
I'm sorry to hear that you haven't been enjoying your university experience so far. But keep reminding yourself it's only been two weeks. You're still settling in and getting to know people. I'm pretty sure most people don't make their university friends during the first few weeks - it can take a few months to find the people you click with. So try not to get too upset about not making friends yet, you still have so much time to find them!
About your flatmates, if you feel comfortable it might be worth letting them know that you're anxious and autistic, and how this can make you feel overwhelmed by the loudness and new people coming in all the time. It might not change anything, but at least they can be aware and hopefully won't perceive you as being 'rude' or 'antisocial'. I'm also anxious and autistic so very much understand how you're feeling - if the overwhelmingness get's too much, remember you can always get in touch with your wellbeing department who should hopefully be able to support you.
My advice on making friends would be to try to be consistent. Keep going to society events and talking to people. You'll hopefully start to feel more comfortable over time as you get to know them, and they could be shy as well so if you keep talking to them maybe they'll start to get more chatty and engaged. You could also try to talk to more people as this will increase the chances of finding people that you click with.
I know it's hard not to worry about housing while people start looking so early on, but try not to stress. If you don't feel comfortable getting a house with anyone yet, you could always look into private halls. It's similar to first year university accommodation - your own room in a flat with a shared kitchen (or a studio if you want more personal space). I stayed in private halls for my second and third year, and lots of other people choose to as well. Some common providers include Student Roost, Fresh Student Living, CRM students and Host.
I know it can be upsetting to feel like you're not making friends despite all your effort. Keep trying though! So many different people and personalities go to university, so there's a really high chance you'll find like-minded people! It's only been two weeks. Just keep being yourself, be consistent in meeting and talking to people, and don't be afraid to talk to new people.
I wish you the best, and hope this helps!
Bethan
University of Exeter Student Ambassador
I'm sorry to hear that you haven't been enjoying your university experience so far. But keep reminding yourself it's only been two weeks. You're still settling in and getting to know people. I'm pretty sure most people don't make their university friends during the first few weeks - it can take a few months to find the people you click with. So try not to get too upset about not making friends yet, you still have so much time to find them!
About your flatmates, if you feel comfortable it might be worth letting them know that you're anxious and autistic, and how this can make you feel overwhelmed by the loudness and new people coming in all the time. It might not change anything, but at least they can be aware and hopefully won't perceive you as being 'rude' or 'antisocial'. I'm also anxious and autistic so very much understand how you're feeling - if the overwhelmingness get's too much, remember you can always get in touch with your wellbeing department who should hopefully be able to support you.
My advice on making friends would be to try to be consistent. Keep going to society events and talking to people. You'll hopefully start to feel more comfortable over time as you get to know them, and they could be shy as well so if you keep talking to them maybe they'll start to get more chatty and engaged. You could also try to talk to more people as this will increase the chances of finding people that you click with.
I know it's hard not to worry about housing while people start looking so early on, but try not to stress. If you don't feel comfortable getting a house with anyone yet, you could always look into private halls. It's similar to first year university accommodation - your own room in a flat with a shared kitchen (or a studio if you want more personal space). I stayed in private halls for my second and third year, and lots of other people choose to as well. Some common providers include Student Roost, Fresh Student Living, CRM students and Host.
I know it can be upsetting to feel like you're not making friends despite all your effort. Keep trying though! So many different people and personalities go to university, so there's a really high chance you'll find like-minded people!
It's only been two weeks. Just keep being yourself, be consistent in meeting and talking to people, and don't be afraid to talk to new people. I wish you the best, and hope this helps!
Bethan
University of Exeter Student Ambassador
PRSOM
Oluwatosin – 3rd year student – University of Huddersfield
Original post by Anonymous
Hi,
Everyone says Uni is supposed to be the best few years of your life, but tbh I havent been experiencing this. I know I've only been here two weeks but it quite frankly sucks.
My flatmates are incredibly loud, and as a person with anxiety and autism this is incredibly hard to deal with. Everyday there are more and more random people occurring in my flat. They think I am antisocial and rude, but it's mainly because I find them overwhelming and I don't share an interest in their drinking/partying culture. Every night all I hear from outside my accommodation is noise of people having parties and drinking. I find going into the kitchen terrifying.
Everyone I have tried to talk to on my course doesn't seem interested in talking back to me and even the societies I go too, no one seems interested. I come across weird and strange at first because I am terrified of new situations and new people, and it takes a long time for me to be comfortable around anyone.
I am worried about finding people to share a house with next year, as here people generally start looking in October and November. I have made no friends despite efforts to meet people but no one seems to like me or want to engage further.
I like being by myself but I still feel lonely.
I don't know what to do - how do I make friends?
Everyone says Uni is supposed to be the best few years of your life, but tbh I havent been experiencing this. I know I've only been here two weeks but it quite frankly sucks.
My flatmates are incredibly loud, and as a person with anxiety and autism this is incredibly hard to deal with. Everyday there are more and more random people occurring in my flat. They think I am antisocial and rude, but it's mainly because I find them overwhelming and I don't share an interest in their drinking/partying culture. Every night all I hear from outside my accommodation is noise of people having parties and drinking. I find going into the kitchen terrifying.
Everyone I have tried to talk to on my course doesn't seem interested in talking back to me and even the societies I go too, no one seems interested. I come across weird and strange at first because I am terrified of new situations and new people, and it takes a long time for me to be comfortable around anyone.
I am worried about finding people to share a house with next year, as here people generally start looking in October and November. I have made no friends despite efforts to meet people but no one seems to like me or want to engage further.
I like being by myself but I still feel lonely.
I don't know what to do - how do I make friends?
Hello,
I am so sorry to hear you aren't having the best university experience so far. I feel there can sometimes be a lot of pressure around university being 'the best years of your life' so it can be hard if it doesn't feel like that for you straight away. I know it's easier said than done but don't worry! It might take some time to meet your people and settle in, but you will soon find your feet and find people you feel conformable around.
My advice would be to continue putting yourself out there. I would look into whether the university has any student jobs you could do as I have made a lot of friends through different jobs I have had through the university. If you are enjoying the societies you are attending then keep going but don't feel that you have to force yourself if you aren't enjoying them. I would try to not take it personally or try and force things. Not everyone is going to be your best friend and I think it's good that you've been honest with yourself that your flatmates are not your kind of people and that is fine. If you aren't into drinking it might be that there is a sober society for students who enjoy doing sober events, maybe you could try a sports class where you might meet new people to
In terms of housing please don't worry. I wish I'd known in my first and second year how many houses come up later in the year. People at Edge Hill all rush for houses super early October time but there are loads of houses coming available even now for this year because lots of people drop out of housing contracts for various reasons. I'd really recommend looking for your university housing Facebook page as people will put on there if they are looking for extra people for a house. I am in my third year and I am living with new people this year who are all so nice
Please don't worry <3
Katie - Third year Psychology student
Original post by Anonymous
Hi,
Everyone says Uni is supposed to be the best few years of your life, but tbh I havent been experiencing this. I know I've only been here two weeks but it quite frankly sucks.
My flatmates are incredibly loud, and as a person with anxiety and autism this is incredibly hard to deal with. Everyday there are more and more random people occurring in my flat. They think I am antisocial and rude, but it's mainly because I find them overwhelming and I don't share an interest in their drinking/partying culture. Every night all I hear from outside my accommodation is noise of people having parties and drinking. I find going into the kitchen terrifying.
Everyone I have tried to talk to on my course doesn't seem interested in talking back to me and even the societies I go too, no one seems interested. I come across weird and strange at first because I am terrified of new situations and new people, and it takes a long time for me to be comfortable around anyone.
I am worried about finding people to share a house with next year, as here people generally start looking in October and November. I have made no friends despite efforts to meet people but no one seems to like me or want to engage further.
I like being by myself but I still feel lonely.
I don't know what to do - how do I make friends?
Everyone says Uni is supposed to be the best few years of your life, but tbh I havent been experiencing this. I know I've only been here two weeks but it quite frankly sucks.
My flatmates are incredibly loud, and as a person with anxiety and autism this is incredibly hard to deal with. Everyday there are more and more random people occurring in my flat. They think I am antisocial and rude, but it's mainly because I find them overwhelming and I don't share an interest in their drinking/partying culture. Every night all I hear from outside my accommodation is noise of people having parties and drinking. I find going into the kitchen terrifying.
Everyone I have tried to talk to on my course doesn't seem interested in talking back to me and even the societies I go too, no one seems interested. I come across weird and strange at first because I am terrified of new situations and new people, and it takes a long time for me to be comfortable around anyone.
I am worried about finding people to share a house with next year, as here people generally start looking in October and November. I have made no friends despite efforts to meet people but no one seems to like me or want to engage further.
I like being by myself but I still feel lonely.
I don't know what to do - how do I make friends?
Hi there,
I hope you're keeping well.
Firstly, I just want to let you know that it does take time to get adjusted to new environments, settings, and especially new people.
I completely understand how you feel. It's cliche, and personally I don't like it when people say this to me - but it's true, you're not alone.
I unfortunately can't magically fix the problem as much as I want to, but at the very least, I can promise you that my advice is a natural start to resolving this issue.
Join a society, club, or even volunteer. This is a great way to meet people who share your interests. There are societies for all sorts of things, from academic interests to sports and hobbies. Just give it time. Volunteering is also a great way to meet people and make a difference in your community. There are many different volunteer opportunities available, so you can find something that you're passionate about.
Study with classmates as a pair or in groups. This is a great way to get to know people in your classes and build relationships. If you're not sure how to start, try asking someone if you can study together for an upcoming exam. There are many ways to begin conversations and small talk, ask for help with one question, compliment their backpack, ask the seminar leader for help and follow up to someone else. These are some natural ways of starting a friendly conversation with someone, as long as you're being genuine and not forcing it (aka don't worry about awkward silences, they're only awkward if you make them
). Go to social events. Your university will be hosting all sorts of social events throughout the year, such as freshers' week events, club nights, and sports matches. Go to as many events as you can, and don't be afraid to talk to people. They won't all respond (especially economics lmao) but you don't need to care about them, afterall I don't think anybody wants too many friends (especially economics students haha [Don't worry I study econ, those guys are just secret nerds]).
Most importantly, be yourself, and stay true to yourself. This is just general advice as well, not even for making friends. You are perfect as you are, and one of the worst feelings is changing who you are for people who don't deserve it. The best way to make friends is to be yourself and let your personality shine through. Don't try to be someone you're not just to fit in, as tempting as it may be. I can assure you, you won't regret it.
Also, don't be so down on yourself
. You sound like a wonderful person, and to me, (in my limited experience of hearing your story) it doesn't sound so much as if you're entirely surrounded by absolute psychopaths and sadists, as much as just other teenagers, who are awkward, bad at responding to questions, and just as anxious. So don't give up, it's definitely not easy - but it's not impossible - especially for someone as kind as yourself.
Warm regards,
David
University of Kent Representative
(edited 6 months ago)
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