Didn’t make friends in 1st year at Uni
In freshers week I tried to be social and I went out the first few days but I didn’t have an instant connection with anyone and felt a bit lonely since everyone else seemed to be making friends very quickly. I was kind of tagging along with people at the clubs and not getting very much attention. This led to me not wanting to go out and for the rest of freshers I was just sat in my room. After a while everyone had their own friendship groups and I wasn’t in any of them and I didn’t have the confidence to try and join any. Now I’m coming to the end of my 1st year and I never go out and feel depressed seeing everyone having a great time every night. Most people are moving into houses next year but I don’t have anyone to move into with so I’ve booked a flat with Sanctuary Students. I will try again next year to make friends with people in my flat but I’m scared that it will be a lot of anti-social and international students since it’s not the uni halls. Or that the same thing will happen that happened last year. I just want some advice because I can’t live for another 3 years with absolutely no friends at uni or my mental health will start to deteriorate.
Join some societies.
Talk to people.
Let people know you want to hang...
Talk to people.
Let people know you want to hang...
If it helps at all, know that you aren't alone in this. I can relate, I had covid during freshers and I'm a commuter so that makes it a little more difficult. I've made a couple of friends but they don't feel like proper friendships - it's just people who I can talk to whilst on campus so emotionally it gets a bit lonely
The only possible solutions I can think of are joining a society or hoping that you meet some nice people when you move into your new flat. Not helpful I know
Anyway if you're not doing great feel free to send me a message, I'm not sure if it will help having someone to talk to but the offer is there anyway
The only possible solutions I can think of are joining a society or hoping that you meet some nice people when you move into your new flat. Not helpful I know
Anyway if you're not doing great feel free to send me a message, I'm not sure if it will help having someone to talk to but the offer is there anyway
Hello mate.
I’ve no idea what you’re like as a person in general. But, by making this post it’s clear you’re willing to take steps to change some things for yourself which is great. As people have said above, join a society. This will give you a social experience and they frequently have things that require interaction. Through this interaction you’ll meet people and may even meet some first years who have also joined the society to make friends. If your uni also has a volunteering community, join it if you’d like. The people volunteering aren’t usually the worst types of humans and in my experience are a friendly bunch. I came to uni as a mature student and I was really worried about spending a lot of time on my own and at the start, I did. But I started making changes and gained a good group. One of the things I did, was talk to people about the course, the classes, the work. We organised study groups and that turned into hanging out away from study and uni too. Hope things get better for you and reach out to the unis student welfare or your own doctor if you feel your mental health is in a bad place.
I’ve no idea what you’re like as a person in general. But, by making this post it’s clear you’re willing to take steps to change some things for yourself which is great. As people have said above, join a society. This will give you a social experience and they frequently have things that require interaction. Through this interaction you’ll meet people and may even meet some first years who have also joined the society to make friends. If your uni also has a volunteering community, join it if you’d like. The people volunteering aren’t usually the worst types of humans and in my experience are a friendly bunch. I came to uni as a mature student and I was really worried about spending a lot of time on my own and at the start, I did. But I started making changes and gained a good group. One of the things I did, was talk to people about the course, the classes, the work. We organised study groups and that turned into hanging out away from study and uni too. Hope things get better for you and reach out to the unis student welfare or your own doctor if you feel your mental health is in a bad place.
Hi @Mr_pig23
You could try joining some clubs or societies to meet like minded people. You could also possibly get a part time job where other students work and make friends with people that way outside of uni.
All the best
Kasey - ULaw Student Ambassador.
You could try joining some clubs or societies to meet like minded people. You could also possibly get a part time job where other students work and make friends with people that way outside of uni.
All the best
Kasey - ULaw Student Ambassador.
Original post by Mr_pig23
In freshers week I tried to be social and I went out the first few days but I didn’t have an instant connection with anyone and felt a bit lonely since everyone else seemed to be making friends very quickly. I was kind of tagging along with people at the clubs and not getting very much attention. This led to me not wanting to go out and for the rest of freshers I was just sat in my room. After a while everyone had their own friendship groups and I wasn’t in any of them and I didn’t have the confidence to try and join any. Now I’m coming to the end of my 1st year and I never go out and feel depressed seeing everyone having a great time every night. Most people are moving into houses next year but I don’t have anyone to move into with so I’ve booked a flat with Sanctuary Students. I will try again next year to make friends with people in my flat but I’m scared that it will be a lot of anti-social and international students since it’s not the uni halls. Or that the same thing will happen that happened last year. I just want some advice because I can’t live for another 3 years with absolutely no friends at uni or my mental health will start to deteriorate.
Don't beat yourself up about it. It's fairly normal to not make many friends in your first year. A lot of people find it a struggle bc uni is such a huge place. Also many folks on here have said they found their friendship groups in 2nd or 3rd year. Just keep making an effort to put yourself out there and someone will come along eventually. Join as many on campus groups as possible.
Original post by Mr_pig23
In freshers week I tried to be social and I went out the first few days but I didn’t have an instant connection with anyone and felt a bit lonely since everyone else seemed to be making friends very quickly. I was kind of tagging along with people at the clubs and not getting very much attention. This led to me not wanting to go out and for the rest of freshers I was just sat in my room. After a while everyone had their own friendship groups and I wasn’t in any of them and I didn’t have the confidence to try and join any. Now I’m coming to the end of my 1st year and I never go out and feel depressed seeing everyone having a great time every night. Most people are moving into houses next year but I don’t have anyone to move into with so I’ve booked a flat with Sanctuary Students. I will try again next year to make friends with people in my flat but I’m scared that it will be a lot of anti-social and international students since it’s not the uni halls. Or that the same thing will happen that happened last year. I just want some advice because I can’t live for another 3 years with absolutely no friends at uni or my mental health will start to deteriorate.
Hi @Mr_pig23
I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling this way, making friends can be a very daunting part of the university experience.
As many people have suggested, societies are a great way of meeting new people who are interested in the same things as you. Universities tend to have so many societies that there is bound to be one to suit your interests, it would be worth having a look through your university's website to see what is on offer. Societies will have taster sessions throughout the year and will be willing to take in students that are interested at any point as they will be keen to have new people join! I also find that meeting people through a society eases the pressure of maintaining a conversation for an extended period of time, considering that it will be broken up by the activity the society is doing.
I know it can be really difficult to try and join in with a friendship group, however people will most likely be really willing to include you. Again, as lots of people have said many students end up meeting their good friends in the second or third year, so there is still plenty of time to meet the people you will consider great friends.
Also, reaching out to people in your seminars and lectures can be a really good way of talking to people you haven't spoken to before. The common ground of your university course can be a useful springboard into conversation, making the process of approaching new people that little bit easier.
It may also be worth seeing if your university offers a peer mentoring scheme, in which people who sign up are matched with an older student. This student will become a point of contact for you to approach with any concerns. I was part of this in my first year and found it really beneficial. Myself and my mentor would arrange regular meetings over face-time, or just pop each other an email to check in. It was a really helpful dynamic and meant someone was there to talk to even when you felt a bit lonely.
I hope this has been helpful, and I wish you the best of luck with everything!
Jasmine (an Official University of Southampton Rep)
Original post by Mr_pig23
In freshers week I tried to be social and I went out the first few days but I didn’t have an instant connection with anyone and felt a bit lonely since everyone else seemed to be making friends very quickly. I was kind of tagging along with people at the clubs and not getting very much attention. This led to me not wanting to go out and for the rest of freshers I was just sat in my room. After a while everyone had their own friendship groups and I wasn’t in any of them and I didn’t have the confidence to try and join any. Now I’m coming to the end of my 1st year and I never go out and feel depressed seeing everyone having a great time every night. Most people are moving into houses next year but I don’t have anyone to move into with so I’ve booked a flat with Sanctuary Students. I will try again next year to make friends with people in my flat but I’m scared that it will be a lot of anti-social and international students since it’s not the uni halls. Or that the same thing will happen that happened last year. I just want some advice because I can’t live for another 3 years with absolutely no friends at uni or my mental health will start to deteriorate.
Hi there,
Sorry to hear about your tough 1st year experience at University- it's always a very daunting year as it's all very new and friends become your family since family isn't there to live and support you.
I would say that maybe a lot of the way you are feeling was in your head. There's plenty of times where I've felt that I've tagged along with people and so? That's what University is all about! We latch onto anyone first year that will even say Hi, so don't feel like you were unusual for doing the same as I did! I followed a lot of people around until I found the right group. I didn't officially find my group until 2nd year! So don't fret, you're not unusual and everyones uni experience is different! Who knows, someone may latch onto you one day too!
I would say, keep going out even if you don't enjoy it, as bad as that sounds! But you won't believe how many groups of people you'll bump into and you'll see and realise how many people in these groups are the same as you- who just go out to mingle but hate clubbing but still want friends.
You just need to find the right people so don't give up on searching! If you aren't out there, talking, interacting and doing things; how else are you going to get a group? Staying in your room is a no no! As if you do that, no matter what you won't find someone.
If you're still struggling or not fancying the idea of clubbing again- I would suggest looking into socials or any kind of groups your University has to offer you as these are brilliant in getting people with the same hobbies and passions to meet and bond.
There is also the possibility of becoming an Ambassador or doing any kind of work at the Uni as this way you'll be either working with students or helping students!
I hope this helps and I hope your mental health improves so you can enjoy your time at Uni.
El
Original post by Mr_pig23
In freshers week I tried to be social and I went out the first few days but I didn’t have an instant connection with anyone and felt a bit lonely since everyone else seemed to be making friends very quickly. I was kind of tagging along with people at the clubs and not getting very much attention. This led to me not wanting to go out and for the rest of freshers I was just sat in my room. After a while everyone had their own friendship groups and I wasn’t in any of them and I didn’t have the confidence to try and join any. Now I’m coming to the end of my 1st year and I never go out and feel depressed seeing everyone having a great time every night. Most people are moving into houses next year but I don’t have anyone to move into with so I’ve booked a flat with Sanctuary Students. I will try again next year to make friends with people in my flat but I’m scared that it will be a lot of anti-social and international students since it’s not the uni halls. Or that the same thing will happen that happened last year. I just want some advice because I can’t live for another 3 years with absolutely no friends at uni or my mental health will start to deteriorate.
Hi @Mr_pig23!
I just want to let you know how you feel is completely normal and understandable, and actually quite common! I felt the same in my first year, everyone was going to freshers events, clubs and pub crawls but I didn't like the scene and everyone I made friends with I never really clicked with and we never remained friends going past the night. I was never very comfortable or close with them and I spent most of my first year enjoying my own company since all my friendships didn't feel that deep.
But as time went on I was able to settle in more and bond better with people in my course or friends of friends and now I have people I do share a connection with and we care about each other. It's hard because coming from spending 7 years in high school and having close, deep friendships, starting from scratch is hard and we tend to want to compare it and give up because it's not close, which it obviously isn't since you haven't spent 7 years growing up with these people.
My advice to you would be to give it time. It only took until my third year before I formed firm friendships and found a solid friendship group, while those same people I only felt were acquaintances in my first year. I'd also say to put yourself out there! You can join societies but it can also be as simple as making friends with the person next to you in class by striking up a conversation about the work, the upcoming assignment, how much you love/hate whatever topic being taught, as you already share that common ground.
You can try knocking on other people's doors when you move into your new accommodation! I moved into a flat for my third year and didn't know anyone and felt really lonely, so I went knocking and made really good friends with someone upstairs. I found that many people are often in the same boat; feeling lonely, at a loss to make friends, and happy to have company or to have someone make the first move. So put yourself out there a bit, definitely don't hole up in your room and I think you might be surprised how welcoming and friendly people are and how happy they are to make a new friend!
Best of luck moving into your new accommodation and I wish you the best for the rest of your time at uni!
Jade
Official University of Southampton Rep
What do you know? To make friends, you only have two options. You dominate or you suck up. You can only have a friendship when two people are unequal.
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